O.k.- I just moved 2 a new state 9 mo. ago- I met this guy-who lives with his girlfriend-he & my husband r friends-he comes over every day-we text each other every day-all day-talk about having an affair & everything-it hasn't happened yet-but i'm sure it won't b long-i've been married 8 yrs. but only together about 4--i'm not happy--so anybody got any ideas on what i should do? Affair-or not?
2006-10-25 16:31:13 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
o.k.-the really crazy thing about all this too--is that my husband wants me 2 screw another guy & just a day or 2 ago made a list of names 4 me 2 choose from--this guy i'm already talking 2----his name wuz on this list!!!
2006-10-25 17:14:22 · update #1
He has a GF and he's romancing you.....myabe you should be careful of this guy.....you could be in the GF's position one day........
2006-10-25 16:37:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
The worst thing you can do, is have an affair.
I'm not even talking about the disrespect to your marriage, I'm talking about the respect you should have for yourself. Don't you know, people only want you, when you're with someone else, it's the thrill of the chase and the forbiddance it brings. The energy you are putting into texting and flirting with this guy, should be put into your marriage.
If your husband found out, would the guy step up and leave his woman? Or just keep you, as a side fling? Don't destroy your marriage for a fling. Start flirting with your husband, add some spice to your marriage. People can't make you happy, you control your own happiness.
2006-10-25 16:59:10 · answer #2 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard one. when someone starts to pay me attention I really like it. But I made a promise to not give my affections away to anyone but my gal. that's the problem with temptation. it's so tempting isn't it. I never get tempted to beat my head against a wall. I could resist that no prob.
You know, you married the guy. there was something you though would be worth making a committment.
I am the center of my universe sometimes. how dare my wife not do everything I tell her to do. it's all about me isn't it?
then I remember, hey, she has needs too. so maybe I'm being stupid and selfish only thinking about what makes me happy right now.
right now you'r e faced with should I open up that lovely box of candy and dive in, it looks so good. or should I steam some broccoli.
candy is always fun, but I'm fat and should ease off it some.
broccoli is not much fun, but if it's cooked right, it can be ok,
and it's way better for you.
Your marriage worked once. with work you could make it work again. if you talk about it with your man, that's a good place to begin. if you cheat on him, maybe when the newness and fun wears off, this new guy will not be so good. then you got nothign. you threw away the first guy, and found a dud with the second.
keep the first guy. work on your marriage. he's right for you.
but you gotta work on it. so does he.
best wishes and prayers.
frankie c.
2006-10-25 16:42:15 · answer #3 · answered by frankiechocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think that you should have that affair.....just yet. what you should do is sit down and talk with your husband about what you are feeling and how you are feeling about your marriage. see if he makes an effort to change and make things work for the two of you. if not, still don't cheat but leave him.
the only reason you are so taken to the new guy and thinking about these things because he is giving you the attention your husband is not right now. talk to your husband let him know you need the attention and affection. once you get that from your husband, you won't feel like having an affair anymore. but i strongly suggest that you talk to your husband, really tell him whats on your mind and how you feel, and then take things in stride from there.
2006-10-25 16:38:03 · answer #4 · answered by Kokoa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT engage in an affair! It will be the worst thing you ever go through, TRUST ME! If you are truly unhappy with your husband and see absolutely no way of fixing your relationship with him, then bail out. Sit him down and simply tell him, you're done and don't see yourself being with him the rest of your life. Do this BEFORE you get involved with anyone else. Also, try toning down the text messages, calls, seeing each other, etc. This is only going to tempt you to cross the line of an affair. Until you are a 100% free and single woman, I would avoid any type of a relationship with anyone new until you have ended what you have already started! Be smart! You don't want to cause yourself anymore stress than you already have!
2006-10-25 16:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by bri 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An affair is never the answer. If you are unhappy, maybe a divorce, but affairs almost never turn out good for any party involved. People get murdered over stuff like that.
Okay, I see in your additional details your husband wants you to screw other guys. If you are telling the truth, then I guess it isn't an affair as long as you are honest with your husband. I don't know, I don't approve, but if you are all consenting adults and don't hurt anyone else, I guess it's whatever you feel like doing.
2006-10-25 16:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by Chance20_m 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok. You are about to drop an 8 year marriage on a boy (note boy cause a man wouldn't ever act this way.) Who claims to be your husbands friend but would have the backstabbing thoughts of trying to seduce his friends wife, yeah what a keeper there baby! I'm praying to God that you don't have children in the middle of this mess. The thing you MADE VOWS. Maybe I'm old fashioned BUT I SURE AS HECK am not going to make vows I don't intend to keep. This kind of feel good spur of the moment crap is an epidemic in this country. NO IT'S NOT OKAY TO CHEAT ON YOUR HUSBAND. Oh I'm sad so I need a little pick me up let me just sleep w/the first guy who shows me a little affection! NOT OKAY!!! WHAT PLANT ARE YOU FROM? If there are children in this marriage keep in mind what your doing! Destroying their life's. And don't give me this new age crap about it being okay to be divorced & the kids are fine w/it while you go off and act like your single bring home every Tom, Dick & Harry that you meet!! Check the statistics on that one. Finally if your going to go around flirting & acting single again at least have the balls to tell your husband that your leaving him for his friend. If not I suggest you grow up & drop this guy like a hot rock & refuse to have him in your house again. Maybe you texted your husband instead of this guy a couple times about what you were going to do to him when he got home & followed through you wouldn't be in this situation to begin with.
2006-10-25 17:05:30 · answer #7 · answered by Little Nell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question shouldn't be having an affair or not - but why u are unhappy. going somewhere, doing another thing is just making urself avoid the real problem which is you.
ask urself why u are unhappy and resolve this issue within you. because no matter where u go, what u do or who you are with will not resolve ur problem and make u happy. it is about how u see ur life and how u appreciate it.
see other people's suffering and it will help u appreciate ur life more. if ur ugly look at people who are blind and u will appreciate what u see in the mirror, if u dont have much money look at the children who are being use to make porno movies just to make money, to think that u can still use the internet shows that u have so many blessings in life that u r forgetting to be grateful for.
dont look for things we dont have but rather appreciate the things we already have.
love and happiness is within us and nothing outside of us will make us happy. its all in your choices you make in your life.
2006-10-25 16:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by radha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding!!!
Marriage is sacred. You will be accountable. There is a great quote..
Marry the one you love & love the one you marry.
Love is service, sacrifice.. .when was the last time you really served your spouse. Really did something that was for HIM .
Trust me... this world is a mess becuase of marriage break ups. It damages not only your family but the nation as a whole. Every divorce brings us down more and more.
Try looking for the reasons you married him in the first place.....its a choice to have those feelings. Love is NOT all about fireworks and passion...... its work. Its a committement. YOU said you were making when you married him.
Geez... what is wrong with people!!!! Marriage is SACRED.
2006-10-25 16:36:00 · answer #9 · answered by SunValleyLife 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, think this out- you are asking us, strangers, whether you should have an affair with someone who is a friend of your husbands and has a girlfriend. Are you willing to throw your marriage away on a whim? Flirting is one thing, cheating is another. If you can tell yourself you will not miss being with your husband and you no longer love him, then you should tell your husband how you feel and then do whatever you want to. I believe you would want him to tell you first if he was the one wanting to cheat/leave...
2006-10-25 16:40:03 · answer #10 · answered by mac 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a peice of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom, and not his clothes get burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and not his feet get burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbors wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent. Men do not despise a thief, if he steal to satisfy his soul when he is hungry. But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding; he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away. For jealousy is the rage of a man, therefore he will not be spared in the day of vengeance." proverbs 6-7 suggested
Temptation. Why do we find it hard to do the right thing? You would think in a perfect world there would be no stealing, or killing, or lying, or cheating. Why is man and woman like this?
I can't tell you what to do, hopefully on your own you will make the right decision. When i read your post it really dissappointed me. I don't know the whole situation but that is the man you married and took vows with. Don't you want treat others like they treat you? Would your husband do the same to hurt? You realize you could severly hurt somebody. Do you want to hurt him? Put your faith and trust in the good Lord. Choose goodness, rebuke sin, do things that please God.
2006-10-25 17:02:19 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋