I think I am "emotionally unavailable." What would you do?

Question

I'm a 29 year old guy. I've only had two serious relationships, one over ten years ago and another five years ago. The rest of the time has been periods of seclusion or sporadic flings with girls. I've put off getting married because I am an artist and I wanted a lot of schooling and moving around. I'm also financially unstable, even though I'm getting known and showing in NYC. Now that I am approaching 30, all my peers are married. I feel like I avoided relationships for too long. I can't open up to people or have intimacy. I just have my painting and career and every now and then a shallow relationship. Also, I tend towards depressive (manic depressive, rather) like many artists. I wish I could go back and be in college and have a girlfriend and normal life. What do you say?

I can't go back to school, really. I already have a BA in philosophy, BFA in art, and MFA in painting. I do, however, teach at two colleges. I just feel like it isn't right for me to date a student.

Answer 1

So what... you can't have your cake and eat it too...

Tell me... are all your peers on their first or second marriage?

How many of them are paying alimony or child support?

So you haven't found any one worth hanging out with for life... maybe it's just your good senses working to save you from a mistake. Maybe you don't like yourself because of something you do and women can sense this. You know what you can fix and what you will choose not to.

next time, you can sacrifice a fraction of all future earnings from an eventual divorce doing the 5 year lease plan marriage... all in the name of love... which is a roundabout way of buying love.

Either way, there's never a guarantee... so take the torment and maybe it will make your artistic vision come to form, and payoff.

Stash as much of your earning as you can get away with... the average marriage only last 5 years nowadays.

Prenupt ?

Answer 2

I am a female artist and I understand your dilemna. The thing is, creative people spend a lot of time alone with their work. It is really difficult to balance a relationship and your art. If your art is important to you, then your relationships suffer. I struggle with this, too. In some ways I think its the nature of an artist to be alone. It sucks. I have not been in a relationship in a long time after the last one ended because the guy was feeling neglected by my studio time.

Try not to get horribly depressed about it. If you keep doing the work and going to your openings you will encounter kindred spirits who understand that lifestyle. Good luck...to both of us!

Answer 3

You cant go back obviously but you can make the effort to find a meaningful relationship that may lead to something. Who says you have to be married by 30? Is there an unwritten rule somewhere? No. Just keep your eyes open for the "one". But dont try to hard either. You know what they say, when you stop looking is when you will find it.

Answer 4

I feel like I'm in the same boat. Except I'm an 18 year old female, in college and can't seem to relate to guys my age. I feel liek I'm gonna be a virgin forever.

Answer 5

in keeping with possibility no person has defined to us what emotionally available ability? i think of ladies assume us to be suggestions readers or examine between the lines whilst adult males certainly require each and every thing spelled out to a tee to avert misunderstandings.

Answer 6

you just have other priorities. relationships are lots of work. when you are ready to put that at the top of you're list, it will fall into your lap.

Answer 7

Trust me, it will all come clear to you one day.

Answer 8

maybe he/she is right under your nose,you just haven't payed attention.

Answer 9

go to school and then go find her...she's there