how can i reach out to my mom?

Question

my mom got in a car acceident 8 months ago. she was so beat up the doctors didn't know if she would make it. she was suffering from severe head trama. (she wasnt wearing a seatbelt X( )
she was in a coma for awhile and then 3 months ago she woke up. she is learning now how to move around again. but also she lost a lot of her memory. she is almost like a little kid now. evyerone has to help her. i dont' mean with speach, i mean more of food, bathroom, ect. i want to be apart of her life, bu ti don't know how. and i know this sounds horrible but im embarressed to go out in public with her. one time i had a friend over and she threw a tantrum ( cried) because she couldnt' remember how to use the washing machine. my dad calmedher down but i was so ooooooo embarrssed.

Answer 1

I'm a little teary eyed. I am a mother. Do you think she was embarrassed of you when you sh*t your pants in public? No,she knew you couldnt help it, she took your smelly butt to the bathroom and changed your diaper. Do you think she was embarrassed of you when you threw food on the resturant floor and screamed to the top of your lungs? No, she knew that you didn't know better yet, she cleaned up the mess and tried to entertain you so you'd be quiet. It's so sad that the mother nurtures the child and embraces them into adulthood only to have the child grow up and act like you. I hope that you will return the favor to your mother. Help her and she'll get better.

Answer 2

Try and imagine this happened to you, would you want your mom to help you or be ashamed of you. You are behaving like a spoiled child, your mother needs you and all you can think about is how it looks for you. Well let me tell you that you are appearing selfish at the moment.

Your Mom did not throw a tantrum she was frustrated because she has forgotten what she knows she knew perfectly well before, try helping her if you want to be part of her life, that is the only way you can be.

It is a rough time for everyone concerned, maybe you could help your mom by looking at family albums together and if you have them home movies to help her remember those moments, it must be awful for your mom and very scary as well. you don't say how old you are but are obviously still living at home. Usually teenaged girls don't like to go shopping with their mom after a while accident or no accident so don't be too hard on yourself, own up to your feelings you stated yourself that what you are feeling sounds horrible well you are right so try and bend a little. Thank God that you still have her in your life ok. God be with you and your family, peace.

Answer 3

you are asking how you can reach out to her and saying that you want to help her. yet in the next sentence you are saying she embarrass you to be seen with her.don't get me wrong I'm sure that you love your mother a great deal. but put your self in her place, just for a little while. when she don't remember things and needs help to shower and go to the bathroom, she is More embarrassed than you will ever know or could ever imagine.if you really want to help your mother and help your self at the same time. stand proud and appreciate the fact that she is still here. it does not matter that others may look at you when your out, it does not matter if people say things. because you still have her, some kids don't have that, their parent were not so lucky. and those kids would give any thing just to have just one more [ embarrassing ] moment with their mom.

Answer 4

Your mom cried because she remembers that she used to know and now lives in a reality where she can no longer function at the level she once did. Don't be embarrased- just the fact that she is thriving is an awesome feat in and of itself. Be there for her to do the things that she can't do for herself anymore. She will know that you're helping her and she will be touched by the compassion you show her becuase it will remind her that even if she can't do certain things, she is still a good mother. The brain has the extraordinary ability to learn and relearn things that seem impossible, so be there to teach her--little steps at a time. Read to her, brush her hair, make her a nice dinner and just be yourself. Your mom's life has changed but the person she was is still there.

Answer 5

There are no words to express my sympathy for you. Experiences like that are always absolutely heartbreaking. I know it sounds weird, but I think you should just do something simple with her, something low stress. Also, now is probably not a good time to have friends come over. If your friend understands your situation, they won't impose on you. It's not just that your friend should understand the difficulties you and your family are experiencing, but the presence of your friend in your house at a time like this might put even more stress on your mother. Quite honestly, I think you should just talk to her about how you feel. My grandfather passed away last year of pancreatic cancer, and I hide my emotions from him. Ever since he left us, I keep wishing that I had spent more time with him and told him how much I cared about him, and how I was feeling. Count your blessings that your mother was fortunate enough not to be killed in the car accident. You are so lucky to have the opportunity to still be with your mother during this time. Above all, don't ever act like you're embarrassed of her. If you're having a heart-to-heart, its okay to say, but acting like you're ashamed of her condition only makes her resent her condition and the most important thing for you to help her do now is to accept and adjust to her new life.

Answer 6

Honey there is no need to be embarrassed about your mom's condition. Your mom could have been killed. Be thankful that your mom is alive. I can only imagine that it must be painful to see your mom in this condition but it could have been more painful to see her lying in a casket. There are many ways that you can reach out to your mom. Help in feeding her, comb her hair, sit down and just tell her how much you thank God for her and love her. Believe it or not, just by sitting around with her and being there for her would mean so much to her and to you. Stop worrying about the embarrassment, because people should be familiar with what happened to your mother and they know that her condition is a result of a car accident. Pray and ask God to give you strength to cope with this, also pray and ask Him to restore your mothers memory and her health. I pray this advice will help you.

Answer 7

You can control that embarrassment if you put it in the right perspective.
You once threw tantrums that she had to deal with.
Cut her some slack, shes trying. I'm sure it would be horribly frustrating not to know how to work the washer when she knows she should.
The way to help her is to have patience.
Show her things in a slow manner dont rush through things. Giving someone your time is a precious gift and its one that you can easily give.
I'm sure this is so overwhelming for her and for you. ~Day by day, is the way to go.

Answer 8

Okay, forgive yourself for the embarrassment, first off - it's a natural reaction, one many people would have in that situation. You didn't ask to feel that way, you just did. The issue isn't how you feel, it's what you DO about how you feel.

What you do is you spend time with your Mom, and you make a deal with yourself that you will accept whatever you feel, good or bad, but you won't let it show, if it's negative - she doesn't need that, and you don't need the guilt - it's just getting in the way of your relationship.

It's hard to see someone you love in pain, or injured. It hurts, it's scary, and yes, sometimes embarrassing - because you remember when she wasn't like that. So you accept your feelings as natural, and work on what you express, and do, around her.

You think beyond yourself, to what this is like for her - frightening, embarrassing, frustrating. You remind yourself that this is harder for her than for you, and how much you want every good thing for her, because you love her, then you pitch in to do what you can to make her lot in life easier, starting with trying to offer her compassion and love. I'm not saying you lack either, just that it sounds like you haven't been offering them to her.

I'm also not suggesting that you talk down to her, or paste a fake smile on your face. You just remind yourself of what she's going through, love her, and let that show. When she's difficult, you remind yourself that this is very hard for her. It's okay to tell your friend, "this is so hard for her." Then offer your Mom whatever kindness you can.

You'll feel better about yourself, and helping her will come more naturally, if you don't burden yourself with guilt or worry about embarrassment. Talk to her doctors, with your dad - ask questions, get to understand what her experience is like right now. That will help you to understand what she's going through, and how you can help her.

Every human being needs help from time to time, falters, suffers, falls down and needs a hand up. Embarrassment worries about what other people think, but only people who haven't yet learned about compassion will react badly - just forgive them, don't worry about what they think. Good luck!

Answer 9

Never ever be ashamed of your mother. She is the one who laid her life down to give birth to you. It is not her fault the way she is behaving at times. She is probably having to learn things all over again as well as learning to control her own emotions. Please be patient with her and continue to let her know you love her and that you are there for her. Maybe it isnt such a good idea to have friends over for a while as she is still recovering. Just hang in there and be strong.......you are so lucky that she survived.

Answer 10

How tragic...I'm sure our thoughts go out to you. Contact the hospital social services office and describe your situation. They should be able to refer you to some resources that can help you with coping and with some training in dealing with getting your mom re-oriented. I'm sure it is frustrating for her as well.
Talk with your dad, I think you can both help each other out by discussing your frustrations and working on a plan for the future.
Best wishes to you....
Here are a couple web sites that may provide some assistance.

http://www.tbirecoverycenter.org/treatment.htm
http://www.state.sc.us/ddsn/pubs/hinjury/sec1.htm