how do I get my son to share with my daughter?

Question

My son is 2 and my daughter is 7 months, how do I get him to stop him from snatching objects from her, and sharing more. I ask him to play nice and give the toy to his sister and tell him not to touch and he still takes it away even after a timeout.

the toys are all of hers, and he hasn't los his mommy they both get the same amount of time with me

Answer 1

When he snatches a toy retrieve the toy and give it back to your daughter... Reddirect him to a toy he can play with (anything she doesn't have will do) If he snatches again place him in time out and explain that the toy is hers and taking it is stealing explain to him that stealing is wrong and he should not steal... Give her the toy back... Whe he comes out of time out redirect him again to a toy he can play with...

Right now he is testing the boundary of what he can get away with and testing you to see what your reaction will be... Rather than ask him to play nice tell him he will be playing nice or he will be in time out... tell him snatching (stealing) toys is rude behavior that will get him a time out... Be firm in telling not asking set down a firm scenerio of events should he snatch (steal) a toy and follow through..

Be sure to tell him how much you love him and how proud you are when he follows the rules and doesn't snatch (steal) toys.. Make him feel very special when he follows the rules commenting on it alot, when he doesn't follow the rules the consistancy will lead to him learning the rule is firm and the consequence is swift when he breaks the rule..

Make sure to stay present until he learns the concept and adheres to it... he is seeking your attention and by only giving him attention when he is following the rules and removing him from attention (time out) when he is not he will quickly learn and do as you instruct..

Answer 2

My 15 month old daughter has a shirt that says, "If I like it, it's mine! If it's in my hand, it's mine! If I had it a little while ago, it's mine! If it looks like mine, it's mine!" It's called "The Toddler's Rules of Possession" or something like that. Either way, it's funny, but that's the mentality you're dealing with. It's hard to reason with a 2 year old, but I agree with taking the toy, returning it to your daughter and directing your son to another toy, even if it's one of hers. As long as he learns that it isn't nice to grab things out of her hand. My two older kids are one year apart. I taught my older daughter to "trade" with her little brother. If she offered a different toy, sometimes he would abandon the one she wanted. If not, she had to wait her turn.

On a lighter note, once her baby brother got to be a year old and she wouldn't share with him, he would wait until she put down the disputed toy and then hide it on her. I'd be tidying after they went to bed and find the toy stuck behind or beneath a piece of furniture where it HAD to have been placed deliberately. What goes around, comes around. She'll find her own way to even the score in the end!

Answer 3

Any lesson is difficult to teach a 2 year old. I would just take the object that he grabs away from him and have him take it back nicely -- not grabbing and saying "please". You will have to do this over and over again; he'll get it when he's older. Don't make the mistake of not trying to train him now, but don't expect him to be trainable at this age either.

I wish you luck, good parenting is exhausting.

Answer 4

If he snatches an object from her, ask him why he did that and explain that it's nice to share and not nice to be selfish. You're doing the right thing. It's just that it's our nature to be like that and we have to be taught. Sometimes it takes tons of reinforcement.

Answer 5

I'm detecting defensiveness. Try to calm down, I think most moms would be able to tell you that EVERY 2-year-old is going to feel some amount of jealousy for a baby, regardless of how much you've worked to prevent it. "Losing" his mommy doesn't in ANY way mean you neglect your son, it just means that he's gone from being the only baby to having to share you. That, in the eyes of a two-year-old, can be viewed as loss.

Not only "losing" Mommy, but eight months ago, all the toys in the house were his. Now he's having to share.

To top it all off, at two, his concept of things outside himself is still a little off. He doesn't have much capacity to "share". The way a typical two-year-old sees the world is only in the way things relate to him. In his mind, you don't have an identity other than his Mommy. In his mind, the only thing he sees are toys he wants to play with. Certainly encourage sharing, and he'll get it, but be patient with him.

Make sure there are some of his toys right there for him to play with beside her (most kids that age are also only capable of "parallel play", meaning even at playdates, etc, they tend to play beside one another, rather than WITH each other). If he reaches for one of her toys, unless he just yanks it from her, let him play with it. In other words, make the baby share, too.

It's understandable he wants to play with what she has (it's likely he doesn't even realize he wants it until it looks attractive because she's enjoying it.) Just make sure that his way of getting it isn't mean. You sit and play with him, and with both of the kids, say "May I please see your........" (whatever toy it is). She is, of course, too young to understand what's going on, but he may at least get to where he'll ask and then GENTLY take it from her.

Also, quite frankly, it's likely she'd be just as happy with something else. Tell him that if he wants one of her toys, find something she'll enjoy. And he still has to ask nice and GENTLY take it.

Then there are some toys it's okay to not force either of them to share. My kids each have various toys and blankets that are their favorites (not many, though) that we don't make them share. If my 5-year-old wants to play with the stuffed shark, we don't let him, because that's the 3-year-old's favorite toy. They don't have to share three toys each, and blankies. Everything else is open season.

There's not a ton you can do right now, though, other than to just encourage him. Distract him when she has a toy (choose that moment, instead of letting him have time to steal it, to give him a hug, or show him a BIG BOY TOY). The fact that you have a child who, sibling or not, is not old enough to fully understand "sharing" is difficult (there are 20 months between our kids... it sucked there for a while). Try to keep your temper, let him have the toy occasionally, distract him, and make SURE he doesn't think you're making him bend over backward for the baby (he didn't choose to have her... sounds harsh, but expecting him to be further along in social skills than he is, just because you had another baby, isn't fair to him). Best of luck to you! Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Answer 6

Take it from him, and hand it back to your daughter. Give him another toy and tell him to play with that until his sister is done and then its his turn.

Answer 7

Try to find out if he is alittle jealous and then show him that she is his baby and that he should look out for her. I am blessed that my son adored his sister but I told him from the start that this was his baby sister to care for and play with! It some how worked!

Answer 8

he can't share yet...he has lost his mommy to a strange new person..please don't ask him to give up his toys too.
As they age he will feel more protective of her and will want to share and play with her.

Answer 9

Introduce him to the back of your hand.