How many of you embraced this choice cause its what mom and pop did- and weren't they happy! I just wondered-to the moms- are you going to change diapers and raise kids- as your only hobby- til you realize it can drive him away rather than keep him? and then go nuts over the mess you created? Is your hubby going to knock you up and play bread winner til he realizes why condoms were invented-its cheaper-since with every kid he is more stuck in that relationship-midlife crisis prison-and so are you- ever worry when the boredom and affairs will kick in??? Remember people: babies do not make a relationship----they are joy in a healthy one (rare) or kill them off completely- which are you???????? A child is never a band-aid to a relationship- if you love them, maybe you shouldn't have them in the first place- -------be fruitful, don't multiply!
2006-10-25 15:16:52 · 17 answers · asked by upsuckit 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I think you have a very negative out look on stay at home mums and relationships with their partners...
I know Im not alone when I say I'm a stay at home mum...and I'm very happy being that...My husband loves me and our 2 children, and we have another on the way...not all men will run at the sight of kids...and if they do you really have to ask yourself if you argreed to kids and discussed your future in depth when you first met this man and decided to get married...communication is the most important factor in any marriage...without it you have nothing...
Your obviously hurting at the moment...but not all men are the same...but your right...children are no way of mending a broken relationship...and nor should you stay with a man you dont love for the sake of the kids...
goodluck
2006-10-25 15:25:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anastasia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What are you talking about? Did you come here to criticize those who do stay home with their children? I am a stay at home mother because I love my daughter. I will continue to stay at home until she is old enough to go to school - then I will resume my job as a teacher. I am her mother and I enjoy staying with her. Is raising her my only hobby? No way. I have a membership to the YMCA, I take dance lessons, and am going back to school. My husband takes care of her while I am doing my thing. Now, my husband did not "knock me up" and start playing bread maker. We accidently got pregnant and I worked till my daughter was 9 months. What she did was make the best relationship into an even better one. When I thought I couldn't love a person more than I loved my husband - along came my beautiful daughter. I think if people have the resources to support children and enough love and patients - they should do so. God did tell us to "be fruitful and fill the earth." Children are not mistakes. Even if they are brought in the middle of a bad relationship that doesn't mean you shouldn't have given birth to them. Birth is much better than abortion. Your views are your's and I am not trying to change them. I was just telling you my side - sence you did post it as a question. I hope you get what you are looking for. Have a great night.
2006-10-25 15:39:45 · answer #2 · answered by twisteddistance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have 4 children together. We have been together for a long time and there is no one else for us or ever will be. We have problems just like everyone else but, we love each other and are always there for each other no matter what. He is a lot different than most men. He does everything and anything for me and the kids. It is always a strain on the relationship when you have children because it is stressful and I have found out that you just have to do the best that you can and make it work. I have had my tubes tied so, no more kids here unless they come undone. I do stay at home while he works and I take care of the kids and the home. I do miss going out and working sometimes but, I love my children more than anything and so, my life is put on hold for them. I want them to grow up having at least one of us home to take care of them instead of a babysitter being with them all of the time. For the time being we make ends meet and that is all that is important right now.
2006-10-25 15:25:32 · answer #3 · answered by wendi c 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a baby yet, but after I do, I'm going to take a 12 week maternity leave and then go back to work full time. I can't imagine not working... But even if I wanted to, I don't have a choice - hubby and I don't make enough money to only have one of us working. If both of us didn't work - no house, no food, no nothing. But luckily my hubby and I work different shifts and baby will be with family 24/7 (either with us or grandma). Some people are very very LUCKY enough to have one person in the relationship (mom or dad) make enough money so that one person can stay home. They must not work in social services like I do lol
2006-10-26 02:57:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know what my husband didn't want a baby at first, after 2 years together he deciced it's ok to have a baby, when my baby was born I can't believe the joy on him the best thing happened to us we only have one, and yes sometimes he drives us crazy but most of the time he just gives us happiness and it makes our lives worth living. I am a businesswoman working seven days a week my husband is also working full time, we don't have a nanny we do everything ourselves, we helped each other at home we have this thing that there is no such thing as women's job nor men's job, we helped each other around the house we don't have maid to do our houseworks so therefore who ever comes home first is the one who cooks dinner. It's just a matter of good communication dear you might wonder who looked after my child while we were working, well, because I owned my business so I just have to hire extra person for one year to be with my baby after that I just worked every morning my husband looked after the baby, then I came home and my husband went to work. We did this until my son strts preschool. Then when my son in preschl my husband worked dayshifts fulltime so we be together dinner time. my son went preschool 5 days a week I took him to school I picked him up then back to work. We loved what we are doing otherwise I won't be doing it . It might sound like very busy life but actually no if you love what you do you enjoy it I enjoy every minute of it ,coz i'm in the fashion industry.
2006-10-25 15:47:26 · answer #5 · answered by Ally 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a stay at home mom while hubby works outside the hime.. It's worked out wonderfully for the last 10 years and is continuing to work out wonderfully...
But I will answer your questions one at a time... No raising my children is not a hobby it's a job one that i do to the best of my abilities and enjoy immensly... I do have other hobbies and interest I indulge in being a stay at home mom doesn't mean you lose yourself... It also doesn't mean I am pushing my husband away rather than keeping him... He fully supports the choice we made for me to stay at home while he works and we are a partnership not in competition..
Nope my husband doesn't feel creating children makes him a man... He knows providing for his family caring for his family and making adult decisions for his family makes him a man...
Nope I am not in the least bit concerned that my husband will have an affair.. we communicate quite well and about everything to avoid the strife and feelings that could lead someone to want an affair.. Communicateing that's when each person talks and the other listens responds asks for clairification and the two parties work out a solution to any problem together...
Yes our children are a great joy for us not a bandaid for a bad relationship but an addition to a good relationship.. they are an extention of us...
Now I have a questin fr you... What exactly jaded you so badly that you feel the need to spew such vial and hateful things pushing others away from you making yourself into a lone vigilante out for personal gain at the expense of others? Are you so completely issatisfies with the way your life turned out due to your own failures you must lash out at the world to make yourself believe you are not to blame for your shortcomings?
Yes be fruitful don't multiply you are neither ready to be a parent nor emotionally stable enough to counse others on parenting and becoming a parent.. Please pull forward your vasectomy/tubal litigation is ready,,,,
2006-10-25 15:32:29 · answer #6 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you want to hold off on the marriage and kids until he reaches certain financial milestones. Its not unreasonable to set your standards high when selecting someone for marriage. Marriage is a big deal and a succesful marriage requires that you cross your T's and dot your I's in practical matters (finances, home, insurance) before you jump into it. Love and compatibility are wonderful, but the daily practical frustrations of living life together (financial burdens) can suck the romanticism out of a relationship. No offence to poor people, but having limited income can really put a damper on what you can do as a couple, add to that a child and you are looking at daily fights and constant bickering about bills and stuff. Quickly your romantic marriage can turn into a nightmare. You are not Brooke Shields with her boy friend on a deserted island (Movie: Blue Lagoon). You live in the real world and unfortunately you have to go by what works in the real world.
2016-05-22 14:27:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im trying to figure out what being a SAHM has to do with using children as a "bandaid" to a relationship. has it occured to you that some people have children because they are in a happy relationship and simply make the choice to have the mother stay home and raise them.Its my personal opinion that you shouldnt have children if you plan on having someone else raise them for the most part. WE chose TOGETHER for me to be a SAHM to take care of my children and give them what they need for the most important early years of their lives. and btw changing diapers certainly isnt my ONLY hobby. you are pretty ignorant about what being a sahm really is. yes thats mostly what i do but in NO way does it "define" me. And no ones looking for affairs either, we've been together for 12 yrs now and ups and downs sure but we are happier now than ever. sounds like you might be a bit bitter.
2006-10-25 15:24:49 · answer #8 · answered by Mina222 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
O.K. I have been in a long term relationship for 3 years and found out I was pregnant after we were already engaged. And for our entire relationship he has wanted to support me because HE said that's what he wants to do. It took a long time to adjust but I am happy this way. I take care of him and I finished school and now I am having a baby and I couldn't be happier. Did you ever think that maybe there are actually people out there who want to have a family and live life like that? No offense but why do you care so much what other people choose to do with their lives?
2006-10-25 15:29:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow you sure sound angry about something. I stay home with our kids and I have to admit I can tell my husband feels a lot of pressure. I do childcare in the home to help out financially. I will say that if he were to leave or cheat it would not be my fault. We made this decision together and if he is having problems with it he should talk to me about it. That is what makes a good relationship. Communication!
2006-10-25 17:22:20 · answer #10 · answered by butterfliesbrown 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋