Boyfriend is troubling me.... help?

Question

Okay so I have had a boyfriend for the last and best 4 and a half years of my life. The first 4 years were really great. We connected well, had intellectual conversations, and he was just an all around great boyfriend. This past 6 months or so, I just feel like we are growing farther apart. It seems like he is spending more and more time with his buddies than he is with me. We still go out and stuff, but it seems like he is staring at a blank wall when I talk to him. I can usually talk to him about everything but I am nervous that if I tell him how I feel, he'll break up with me! I don't want to lose him and I think he might be "the one". Do you have any ideas on how I can let him know how I'm feeling? I have never posted a real personal question on here, so I'm a bit nervous on what your guys' answers will be.So be gentle! :)

Answer 1

You know, my Mom always deeply sighed and got this upset look on her face when Baby in "Dirty Dancing" basically tells Johnny that she loves him. For my Mom a girl confessing her love first was something inconceivable.

Love is a camp fire. People have to keep it going, to add coals for the fire not to burn completely out. People say that couples shouldn't make their fire too hot and burning too intensively either - too much of a chance that it will burn them. You have been with this person for four years, which shows that it is something serious, not just an infatuation. So that is kind of not your concern right now.

Your concern should be keeping it "active"... Don't wait for him to talk to you, to get you something or to invite you somewhere. For some reason many women assume that it's the man's "job" to keep the relationship going. Well... It's not... ;-) YOU have to work on it too. Get a cute card for him (Hallmark free e-cards always did the trick for me with my husband, whom I met on-line and had a long correspondence with before we even met in person), or a little souvenir type thing. Invite him for a date.... It doesn't have to be going out to eat at a restaurant or go to the movies. A simple picnic in the park or even on the floor of your own living room will do. The point is not how much you spend on him, the point is that you are willing to make steps, that you care enough for him to do something to show you care.

But... Sometimes it doesn't work. So you need to talk to him. Do you really care for this person in your life? Do you really love him? Then go ahead and talk to him. You say you are afraid that he would break up with you if you tell him how you feel... Did it ever occur to you that your relationship, the way it is going according to your words, might fall apart on its own if you DON'T talk to him?

Answer 2

I hate to tell you this but most of the time relationships change. That's almost always true and sometimes we want it to be like it was, it's always best in the beginning and we are our best and they are their best and we share everything. Then the time comes when the guy doesn't feel like he has to do all the things he did before and we know a lot more about him than we ever thought we would and his friends become his best buddies, not you and then you feel left out and ignored. Honey, it's a process. If you love him you both will change and you have to tell him but don't expect him to be like he was. He isn't that person. But, if he agrees, you'd benefit from counciling. Really. It isn't easy to go for the long haul without change. If he would leave you for being honest with him you have a problem right there just thinking that he might. See? Also, since you are talking and don't feel he is listening, that may be true, men don't think the way we do and he may not have a clue about what you want or need from him. Sometimes you just have to ask for it. Make a date night and you choose the place first and let him choose the next time. Make it fun and spice it up a little. he may get a little fire back in his pants then. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well.. I dont know the situation.. so I can't give exact advice. That would be wrong of me to do so. So all I can say is what it sounds like. It sounds like you may BE falling further and further apart from each other, and that is part of life. I think the only thing to do at this point is to talk about it. Communication is absolutely so important. Just ask your boyfriend if he feels the same way.. If he does truly love you and I mean TRULY LOVE YOU (which you would never want anyone who doesn't) then, he will understand for sure, and he may feel the same way. Maybe he needs more time with his buds.. I dont see how that hurts anything.

Answer 4

Okay. Well, if you don't know (after 4 and a half yrs) for sure if he is the one, then you have a problem. Maybe he has the same problem. It is my opinion that if after 4 1/2 yrs you haven't decided to make a permanent commitment, then you won't ever. Relationships that stop growing don't just stay there, they regress. There is no stagnation: either growing or dying. You need to talk to him in a serious way. I know you don't want to lose him, but if he is not the "one" then you are far better off moving on... Why hasn't he pushed for a commitment from you by now? Is he waiting for you to push him into it? If he isn't ready by now, cut your losses and move on. Unless you are just out of school and everything is in total flux for one of you, time is up: time to make a decision. Sit him down and talk to him. Just make sure that you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally beforehand, b/c you might be in for disappointment and you should be prepared to handle it.

Answer 5

you need to tell him, it already sounds like he is moving in the other direction. Perhaps he was thinking you have no interest in any kind of permanent relationship with him. i my self would speak right up and put it all on the table, what do you have to lose if his buddies are already coming first?? Let him know how you feel and you two can get on with your lives one way or another.
~Good Luck~

Answer 6

my boyfriend and i went through this stage a few months ago. we have been dating about the amount of time. i kept bugging him about what was wrong with him and it just made him more irritated. give him some space, im sure he is realizing how long you have been together and is starting to get confused and doesn't know what he wants with his life. my boyfriend said he was scared of too much commitment... i gave him some space and didn't preasure him about it and eventually with in a month or two things were back to normal and now he knows what he wants with his life and im the right one for him... don't be too worried until he stops wanting to hang out all together

Answer 7

good, perhaps in case you have requested him and he would possibly not reply, probably since it's whatever he's handling by myself are you aware of a individual obstacle he perhaps having? (house, paintings, peers)?? i would not push, simply permit or not it's. men do not regularly show emotions and feelings like us. despite the fact that you have been particularly near, he would simply be having a rough time alternatively, perhaps he's suffering from in need of to be out of a realtionship - traditionally now not you - however him and his problems being involved is usual; hold speaking to peers and get help from others. do not push him too rough, however help him, despite the fact that the outcome is not a courting however a friendship well success!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

If you are having sex every day i dont think there is anything to worry about, otherwise maybe he is gay. if u want him to spend more time with you take him to do the things he likes to do.
*
what is it you are saying when he starts to stare blank wall style - that would seem to be an indicator of where your problem is
*

Answer 9

what are you afraid of hearing? that he might be losing interest see this is where relationships go wrong...when we are not able to open up to our partner and tell them how we feel, how are they gonna ever know.... now you've been with your boyfriend for four and a half years, why is it so hard for you tell him how you feel? my guess is you don't want to scare him away by expressing to him how you feel.....but deep down inside you already think you lost him...and how i know this is b/c you don't even feel comfortable enough to tell him how you feel....that bond you once shared is not there anymore...that's why it's so hard for you to open up to him....are you scared of what he might say back to you? why should you be nervous about telling him how you feel? if it's really that hard for you to open up to him...then maybe this relationship has ran it's course and it may be time for the both of you to go your seperate ways sucks!!! but that's life...you need to talk to him and tell him whatever it is that's bothering you....A.S.A.P.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to say but it appears from his behavior that he wants to be free to date others and move on. It's better to ask him if he'd like to play the field for awhile than to have him go out with others behind your back or keep dating you when he isn't interested. Be glad you found out now rather than wasting any more time on the relationship.