When are the parents no longer to blame?

Question

At age three--the parents are blamed if their son is unruly in public.

At age seven--the parents are blamed if their daughter pushes a girl in school.

At age twelve--the parents are blamed if their son is bullying other kids.

At age sixteen--the parents are blamed if their daughter gets pregnant.

So my question is this when do we stop blaming parents and why is it that parents are always to blame? Is there a situation where the parents aren't to blame? If the parents are to blame all through a child's life--when they go into adulthood are they still to blame? When does the fault fall on the child instead of parents?

Answer 1

Boy this is a good question!!!!! I really can't decide on ONE answer.. but here are some of my thoughts:
1) one part of me says when the child turns 18, because's that is when they are a legal adult and make their own decisions.
2) but on the other hand... kids are going to behave and make decisions based on what they've been told/taught/seen - and who do kids imitate the most? Their parents. So this is why it's important for parents to teach their kid proper manners, etc.
3) However, my third thought is, kids don't grow up in a bubble only with their parents, they are also influenced by the media and peers.
4) So, that still leaves me at your question. I think it's a combination of things, you really can't JUST belame it on the kid, or JUST on the parents or JUST on society. lol so I guess I still don't have a concrete answer, sorry!

Answer 2

It's my personal opinion that when a child gets too be a teenager he is capable of making right/wrong choices. They are capable at a much younger age,of course, but I think as a teenager they are far more mature. All through a childs life we, as parents teach them right from wrong. When they are small and are unruley we are too quick too place the blame on the parent. YES, there are some parents,I know this from experience, that really do not even try too teach their children how too act, right from wrong and etc..but most of the parents do try. Some kids are just unruly. I think a lot of people judge parents by how well their kids are doing in school, friends they have, and the list could go on and on..I also think thats WRONG! We raise our kids the best we can, we teach them right from wrong,so If a child gets into serious trouble the parents aren't too blame. When a teen takes a gun too school and shoots his classmates..It's not the parents fault, I'm sure that parent didn't tell him too do that. BUT, who is the first one the public blames? The Parents! I've always said, I raised my kids the best I could, taught them right from wrong,taught them too value life, and themselves. So if one of mine goes out and gets in trouble, I know I'm not too blame. but there will always be, in the back of a good parents mind, the "What If I could have done something different," so people don't need too place the blame on the parents, they blame themselves enough..

Answer 3

If you think about it, even adults blame certain things on their parents. Say for example, a grown adult who has commited a crime, maybe they see a shrink who blames the person's behavior on their parent's behavior. Know what I mean? I think the parents are not to blame if the child is old enough to know better, but chooses on their own not to. As long as the parents have done their job as far as teaching right from wrong, and implementing discipline if needed, then the wrong choices the child makes aren't the parents fault. The fault falls on the child when the parents have done their job and can no longer take the blame for the child's mistakes.

Answer 4

Lindsey, if the parents have always done their best, regardless of the outcome, they are not to blame. Some people, even when they are a child, will just be headstrong and hell-bent on being bad or prone to making bad choices. A parent who has tried to the best of their ability is not responsible for the choices made by a child of this nature.

But a parent who is neglectful, abusive, or sets a bad example by choice... THAT is a parent who IS responsible. The damage they do to a child will shape the course of that child's entire life. Maybe the child is such that he/she can overcome the environment of their childhood, despite the bad parent, and if so then they are blessed. But if a child turns out bad BECAUSE of a parent who didn't do their best, there's no time limit on the parent's responsibility because there's no "statute of limitations" on being a bad parent.

From your other posts, I'd say your child has a really good Mom. Don't worry about being responsible, hon, just focus on being the best Mom you can. You'll do great.

Answer 5

Up until your child turns 18 you can be help financially accountable (to blame) for thier actions...

When the child reaches 12 the accountability (legally speaking) begins to be split netween the child and the parent gradually changing to full accountability by the child when he/she reaches 18...

Parents are responsible for teaching thier children right from wrong... When a child dos wrong it is the immediate knee jerk reaction to blame the parents because "Obviously" they didn't do thier job... Which in some cases is completely accurate while in others it is completely inaccurate...

When something bad happens there has to be someone upon whom the responsibility is laid and parents of the offender is a very easy if not always just place to lay it...

If someone doesn't want the responsibility of being responsible they should never have children it's part of being the parent and it's not always running in a field of daisies and laughing.. Parenting sometimes means being in the trenches up to your knees in mud trying your best to get through it all and have a good outcome...

Answer 6

well parents are always blamed for their child behavior because a child is a parents reflection whatever the child learns and observes in his family and his environment is what the child puts out in the world so if a child is bullying it all goes back to the parents what people don't realize is the surroundings are not necessarily the child's house but also school and also the company the child associates with. and if a girl is getting pregnant it is presumed that the its the parents fault wherelse it is not. what i feel is the parents will always be blamed for their child's actions until the age of 20 because the laws and rules that apply to parents state that a parent can not beat up their child but if you can not do that how do you expect teenagers to listen because from the starting of a child's teenage years and end they tend to be unruly and rebellious and obviously they will just not listen if you just TALK. i think the blame on parents will stop when laws change and our society gives full control of the child to the parents

Answer 7

When they have turned 18, shoot I don't know. I know kids screw up and do dumb things, so do parents. I have no problem seeing a child acting like a brat, as long as the parent is addressing the situation. For example, I feel for the parent if they are carrying a screaming child out of a store, I give them credit for addressing the situation, and not ignoring the child for everyone else to deal with. Fact is every ones kids do this kind of stuff one time or another. I judge parents on how they deal with them.

Answer 8

When the child knows what they are doing is wrong and chooses to do it anyways, then the child "owns" what they did.

There is no set age for when a child "knows" something is wrong. It is situational and specific to the child.

A five year old who knows he shouldn't throw a rock and does it anyways is to blame. A five year old who unknowingly rides his bike onto a protected area of beach is not to blame. His parents are to blame for not teaching him to ask before he rides his bike someplace new.

A seven year old should shoplifting is wrong. A seven year old may not have the social skills to understand why you shouldn't say some things to people. Parents are to blame for kids who say "why is that lady smoking? is she going to die?"

We finally stop blaming parents when we feel the child has reached the "age of reason" (for lack of a better term) unless the parent has so badly messed the kid up that they are incapable of reaching adulthood. I'm talking about serious, long-term, mentally incapacitating abuse.

If you want to draw a line in the sand, then I say if they are old enough to vote then they are responsible for themselves. In other instances, let existing laws state when they alone are responsible.

If they are old enough to have sex (age of consent is 16 in most places???) then they are old enough to be blamed for getting pregnant.

If they are old enough to drive, they are responsible for what they do while driving.

If they are old enough to drink, then the same holds true.

Answer 9

some behaviors can be blamed on a parent. but once a child reaches a certain maturity level the blame goes on the child. maturity level meaning that he speaks and understands everything people say and distinguishes right/wrong. i would also have to say that the bratty 3 year old and the pregnant girl is definitely not the parents fault.

Answer 10

I am a parent and a child. My daughter went through alot of "stuff" I did not necessarily take the blame (she was 18) but I could step back and look at where it came from. People in general need to look at the law of "cause and effect" chances are we would have a better world if they did. NO you cannot prevent or even cause what your children do but you do need to be there to support. Everyone is responsible for their actions and I for one am tired of people on talk shows blaming their lousy childhoods for their criminal behavior.