Prove it!
2006-10-25 13:53:13 · 16 answers · asked by AZRAEL è 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
When I was a bartender two of my regulars were moving to another part of the country. They jokingly asked for their "going away shots." so I said "Yes, if you don't go away I'll shoot you."
We had a clown come in during a sales staff meeting. He handed one of those wands that go "limp" in your hand. I said, "I had that happen once before..." Which brought down the house, the poor guy couldn't finish his act.
For Halloween I dress up in a Dalmatian costume. I pulled up next to a police car and they spied me, one of them said, "Hey, we're looking for somebody that stole a car that looks just like you, is there any more of you?" And I said "Yes, there is a 101 more right behind me." And I took off.
Just yesterday our chef and I were discussing party affiliations. After I told him I was a democrat he said, "Funny, I always thought you were a Republican." I said, "Funny I always thought YOU were gay."
As a woman I notice some peculiar things happening to my body as I get older. My voice is getting deeper, I am getting facial hair and my balls itch all the time.
Convinced yet? My fingers are getting tired, so I'll have to quit, I have a hot date later.
Peace.
2006-10-25 15:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by -Tequila17 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so
pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it
won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S @$$ OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the
local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S @$$
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of
the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby
convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following
headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST @$$ IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of
the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS @$$ FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the
headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER @$$ IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is....being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery...and even shorten your life. So be
yourself and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's @$$ and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
2006-10-25 20:14:57 · answer #2 · answered by Liane H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A well to do guy asked some of his friends round to visit.
So they were talking & the conversation turned to reincarnation. as it happens this guy's gran was there so one of the friends asked "what would you want for yourself if you came back mrs..."
She turned around and said "A penis." Of course there was a long silence while ppl digested this & comiserated silently with the mortified son and thought about who they were going to spread this news to.
"Mother!" The guy was near to tears at this point. "It is pronounced "Ha-ppiness!!"
2006-10-25 16:42:54 · answer #3 · answered by Can I Be Your Pet? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a true story.
In my literature class, we were talkin' about Ouladah Equiano( a slave durin' the puritan times)
the teacher said that if Ouladah wasnt taken, he would've
gotten his fathers land, his dad was a major land owner.
A girl sittin about 3 seats in front of me asked "Did his father die?"
I replied
"Nah, He's still alive to this day."
I then took a piece of paper, wrote stupid on it, and handed it 2 her.
2006-10-25 14:22:56 · answer #4 · answered by Eric H 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I refer the right honourable gentleman to a reply I received earlier.
2006-10-25 13:57:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice, open a can of tuna, spred it around the hole, and when the polar bear comes to eat the tuna.......
you kick him in the ice hole.
2006-10-25 15:14:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
By all means, Chris Rock!
2006-10-25 15:13:31 · answer #7 · answered by The_Girl_With_Kaleidoscope_Eyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i know its not me, But if ya have a look at Cowboys jokes they are so funny
2006-10-25 21:53:27 · answer #8 · answered by chass_lee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My name is Peter Kay!
2006-10-25 13:55:55 · answer #9 · answered by unphatman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
2006-10-25 13:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋