my mum died quite recently and i really really miss her,i cant get her out of my head,any advice would be good

Question

i cant cope with the thought of never talking to her again,its eating me up..iv had counseling from CRUSE,i feel totally alone and its vile.

Answer 1

I am sorry you are hurting so much Simon, you are right it is horrible when you lose your mom and does feel vile too, of course its eating you up inside, she was your mom and you loved her and your probably very angry that it was your mom who died and you keep asking yourself why, there are several stages of grief to go through when you lose someone you loved so much, you seem to be in the anger/alone stage at the moment, would your mom want to see you like this if she was with you now, I bet she would be very cross with you and tell you that you have to start to move on as hard as it is for you, I felt all the things you are feeling when I lost my mom almost 8 years ago and there are some days now I get angry still about losing her, you have to keep yourself going and get through it, you will in time, don't beat yourself for feeling like you do it really is natural, talk to one of her photos and explain to her how your feeling, I know it may sound crazy but it helped me a lot, I know you probably don't want to hear this either but honestly time is a great healer and there are no rules and regulations to get over losing your mom, do it in your own time and at your own pace and soon you will feel you can start to cope again, just don't feel you have to do things to please others over it OK, hope things are better soon and good luck.

Answer 2

Keep going with the counseling and support from family and friends - i've helped my sister through the loss of her husband suddenly last year and it's been a very long and difficult road. The only way is with as much help and support as you can get. Take it day by day and try not to think too far ahead - each day you make progress even if you might not feel it. You'll have good days and bad days and that's totally normal for grief. don't give up and talk things through with friends/family/counselor as much as possible to help you cope - try dealing with things a bit at a time. You need to look after yourself and try and keep your health and strength up. If you get too run down you will find it even harder to cope and things will only get worse. The old adage time is great healer may sound trite but it's true. Day at a time and step by step. Often in the early stages distractions are helpful to enable your mind and emotions to rest a little and give you more strength - try and keep busy.

Well done for the counseling and just hang on in there - it will get better but it will take time. You'll make it and your mum will be proud of everything that you do.

Answer 3

You do not say how recently... and I'm really sorry to hear of your loss.

I think the key thing to realise is that grieving and loss is a process, and it takes time to go through. There are no quick fixes, and it is OK to cry and wail and to want to be alone some times. But that is also the plus side: a process is something that does happen, and you do come out the other side!

In the meantime take each day and get through it the best way you can. Be gentle with yourself. Don't worry if it seems to be taking forever, or if some people seem to be impatient with your grief- we are a terrible culture at dealing with death, sometimes it seems a taboo subject!

It will be less painful- honestly!

Answer 4

I lost my mum 8 years ago.. she was 52 and she was my best mate.. I miss her everday.. but its strange, cos when i get to a stage when i think i cant cope with the grief of it all, something always seems to happen, maybe a win or an old mate calls and cheers me up... I believe that she never leaves, she there watching helping you cope.. look for the little things, you'll know its her.. just cos you cant see or hear her doesnt mean shes not there... In time you'll dream about her.. then you'll stop hurting so much...

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear about Ur loss the same thing happened to me about 2 and a half years ago my mum died aged 56 and there is not 1 day which goes by without me thinking about her and even talking to her.it is hard i know but they say time is a healer but its not you just get use to them not being around.if where ever u live or your friends know of any good psychics please go and see 1 if you believe or not just listen i found that helped myself,but just keep talking to people don't keep it all in even before you see a psychic read some books about psychics i.e like Gordon smith he is very good get 1 of his books to read its uplifting i never believed in psychics until i went to see 1 about 1 month after my mum died and it did help knowing that they are still around you every single day,i hope this has helped in some way and another thing you are not alone OK good luck and god bless....

Answer 6

this is a serious question...i think that you are expecting a lot from yourself...if you feel that way...allow yourself to, its ok...if you can't cope with never being able to talk to her again, why dont you go and talk to her...if she is buried or has a memorial somewhere then go there, maybe once a week and chat to her...tell her about your week and whats going on with your life, theres no law that says that we have to ignore someone when they die...also maybe it might help to look into some cultures that have days to remember their dead...there are 2 things coming up...hlloween and all souls day also mexican day of the dead...these are good days to remember your lost loved ones and honour them in a way of your choosing...its ok to grieve and mourn for as long as you need to...people take years to get over a marriage break up...death is far more permanent...dont beat yourself up over it so much...i hope this helps although i know it probably sounds hollow to you but i really wish you well...good luck and allow your feelings...theyre very important...;0)

Answer 7

I'm so sorry you've lost your mum.I know how you are feeling,I lost both my parents in l8 months of one another.
She will be watching over you at all times and will be guiding you through your life without you even realising it.
Time is a great healer,I know you can't imagine feeling any happiness at the moment,but your mum loved you very much and would not want you to be unhappy.Always think of her and think of the times you spent together,she will always be there in your head and in your heart,you can talk to her and she will guide you through .It shows in the way you speak of her that she was a loving mother and she would want you to have a happy life.Try and do things that would have made her happy and proud of you.
You will go through a stage of being angry at her as well for leaving you,I know that sounds strange but it will happen.It's a loss all of us have to bear at some stage in our lives unfortunately,but death is part of life and we do survive it. I wish you well and do talk to as many people as you can about your mum.Keep her memory alive it will help you. God Bless.

Answer 8

well first of all i'm really sorry you are passing through this terrible situation, i would lie if i told u that time will heal this wound, my father died 11 years ago but it feels like it was yesterday.but i can assure u that now your mom is your angel and she will be right beside u, taking care of u, as long as u always think about here she will be alive in your heart, now u have to keep going for her, cause i'm sure she doesn't want to see u sad, she wants u to be happy, so do your best in life, and don't say you are alone she will always be with u, and though you can't see her, touch her, hear her, she's in your heart loving u forever!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

You must feel this pain, unfortunately. That is the natural grieving process. Talk to her, if it helps. But let yourself feel sadness. Over time, the pain will subside. Sometimes, when I lose someone I love, I try to carry on something, anything about them. This sometimes helps. Take care of yourself and keep in touch.

How old are you? How long ago did you lose your mum?

Answer 10

Sorry to hear this bud !

I too have recently lost a close friend and have only now realised the big gap left !(funeral Friday)

I remember the amazing conversations and the bond that made us friends.

Took it all for granted and had it removed so suddenly.

Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that ,YOU WILL BE STRONG ! YOU WILL CARRY YOUR MOTHERS MEMORY !
YOU ARE HER LEGACY!
You will laugh and cry ,but remember ,and always love her!

Keep the faith !
Keep rockin !
While you live, your mum lives !