My Mother Used To Abuse Me?

Question

When my mom and step dad had split up in 1998 I was about 14-15 yrs old my mother seemed to verbally and physically abuse me. It would be over the smallest BS and she would talk to me like I was just some broad on the street. Like she'd say come hit me bit*h I will take you out. She would punch me and pull my hair she even grabed a plastic golf club . Once I was on the toilet and she kicked me off on to the floor. She was mad at what my sister told her. Mind you my sister was only 5 at the time so its like how can you believe a 5 yr old. I was always left with red scratch marks and lumps on my head. She would then try and apologize later for it. Anyway, my queestion is how can I let go of this? Im turning 23 and I still think about it, my mother and I are cool and all but my boyfriend said I should confront her on this but I cant due to when I used to tell her how she made me feel from the abuse she'd get it twisted and say she was disciplining me and she would blow up and curse me out

Answer 1

You should talk to her about it if it still bothers you. She was probably going through a rough time then and even though it was wrong was taking it out on you. Maybe she has wanted to say sorry before but was too ashamed to bring it up. If she is treating you better now, the best thing to do is let her know how much it hurt you but that you still love her and want to get closure on it and move on, good luck,

Answer 2

It very much sounds like your mother did abuse you. And she still does by not recognizing your feelings and confrontation over it. You say you are "cool" now but are you? If you have been able to see what she did was totally wrong and robbed you of some of your childhood and you have forgiven her, then that is cool. Your boyfriend should not pressure for further confrontations. However, if you feel the need to clear the air or have your say, then do it. Do not let her twist it. What went on was not discipline (it did not teach you to be a better person, only a scared and hurting one). Real discipline comes from discussing the issue and learning from it and loving. Not yelling and violence. Having said all this, the problem while it has affected you and may still, is all your moms fault. She took out all her insecurities and things she does not like about herself on you. Whether she meant to or not does not matter. She is the one that is mentally ill in the head for treating you so horribly. For that I am sorry. You may or may not get anywhere with your mom by confronting her. It might make you feel better. She will probably never admit it to you. She has I am sure on the inside to herself. Why not try therapy. You can find it relatively cheap on a sliding scale and sometimes for free at womens resource centers in your city. Check with your local community college for a start (even if you do not go to college) or your local womans health clinic. You can set the pace of how many sessions you want. It is not a forever thing. Many Blessings to you and move forward with your beautiful adult life. Do not let anyone hold you back from your dreams and happiness.

Answer 3

I'm sorry for what you have gone through. There's no way you can let this go because it's affected you so much. I think it's deeper than what your lil sister may have said. Maybe a comment that her boyfriend at the time said. You can confront her if you wish, but you may need to wait on a day that she is in a good mood and talk serious with her. The worst thing you could do is try and get her approval in everything you do. She has her set ways, what you can ask is why did she feel that she choose to treat you that way. And if she could have done it differently would she. If she says yes, then you should leave it at that if your satisfied. Don't press the issue by asking how cuz it may just hurt to hear the response be cuz she didn't do it. Ask these questions if you think your ready for a positive or negative answer. Good Luck

Answer 4

Your mother and you are "cool"?
What does that mean?
Let's face reality, okay?
You got some serious baggage that needs to be unpacked.
What your mom did is inexcusable...maybe its forgivable, but there is no excuse for that kind of crappy treatment to ones own flesh and blood.

Look - you have got to get some professional help to overcome the suppressed hurt feelings and emotional scars you are trying to hide.
Your relationship with this boyfriend or any other person will be in trouble if you don't clean up the mental garbage you are carrying around with you.

Before you talk to (or "confront", as your boyfriend states) mom, you've got to know WHAT to say to her to accurately express your feelings.
And she's not gonna wanna hear what you have to say.
So pick your battle carefully...cause honey, it won't be pretty.

You two very well could come to blows or maybe just a lot of tears and hugs, but either way, there is a busload of emotion riding on this thing and you need to get rid of this cross you are bearing.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

Im very sorry for what yor mom did to you growing up. I think the only way to deal with it is to tell her how you feel over and over again until she realizes how much pain she caused you. And if she doesnt want to face the truth then why not go ahead and talk to a psychitrist,,,someone that wont judge you but just sit there and listen to you. You need to get it all out,,you will feel alot better by talking to someone. Just know that if you ever have a child that you should NEVER treat that child the way you were treated. Give your child alll the love and respect that he or she deserves. Im sure you will be a much better mom from the tough lessons you had to learn growing up. Forgive your mom for what she has done even if you can never forget it. Your mom is a weak person and dont know how too handle things. Please just talk to someone who will listen to you. Good luck hon

Answer 6

I'm so sorry about what your Mom did to you. There's no doubt that she will deny what you remember so clearly. It must have been a very stressful time for your Mom. If she had Jesus in her heart- you would have never had to go through all that anger outburst. May I suggest to you something? Find a Christian church- accept Jesus into your heart and let Him take that burden from you. There are things in our lives that we were not created to manage on our own. This is one of those. When you have Him in your heart- I guarantee you- you will never do what your Mom did to you, to your own kids.... because you will be a more relaxed person.... and you will have a more powerful way of coping when you are under stress.
I'm 5th level here now- but you are the first I ever suggested this to.

Answer 7

This sounds like me and my father. He always said everything was a joke though. He didn't mean it in a mean way, he was just playing. Well I finally confronted him about it when I was 21. I told him everything he did, I cussed, I screamed, I cried and everytime he would try to speak I would tell him to hush, that it was my turn now. I felt alot better once I got all of that off of my chest. You might leave out the cussing and screaming part if you want, but don't let her speak until you get it out. Tell her that it was not dicipline and to quit lying to herself about it. You will feel so much better if you get it out. She may be hurt for a little while, but she will get over it. You need to do this for your own piece of mind, trust me, been there done that. Good luck.

Answer 8

You may not be able to put this horrible situation behind you until your mother apologizes for her behavior or until you get counseling. Actually, she needs counseling too. She's still trying to put this on you by saying that she was disciplining you. Punching and pulling your child's hair is not discipline. It's abuse. She doesn't want to acknowledge how out of control she was. I agree with your boyfriend that you should confront her about this. Confrontations don't have to be angry. Make it clear to her that you would like to sit down with her to discuss this issue as it still bothers you.
If she won't sit down and discuss this with you, then she's still in denial.
I hope you get counseling because it will help YOU.
Good luck.

Answer 9

My mom and I had similar issues but she is an alcoholic, so I wrote her a letter asking her to get help. My husband and I got pregnant and I decided that her abuse throughout my pregnancy (only mental) was enough. I told her that until she got help there was no way I was subjecting myself and my new family to her behavior, she still hasnt gotten help and even though I feel bad sometimes, it was the best thing for myself and my family. Good luck.

Answer 10

Wow. sounds like your mom needs to get major counseling, and you minor counseling. You don't want to pass this nastiness to your own kids. We subliminally do pass good and bad traits with us toward our kids whether we mean to or not. I would say do what I did - waited until my bully dad was older, and I was 30, he was 64 or so. He had mellowed alot. Then I was able to vent a few issues, and he didn't have the "steam" to come back.

He's still a work in progress at 81. You may NEVER get these issues resolved with your mom, so you're going to have to turn your pain and disappointment and bad memories over to God. God's helped me deal with my bully dad; God can help you, too.

Just give it time. Sorry she was so rotten to you. She probably had a mean mom to her....ya know???