I am 32 and make really good money. My 19 year old brother is married and has a child. He is always asking for me to pay his bills for him, yet he finds money to get tattoos and eat out 3 or 4 times a week. I really want them to get out of debt and Im trying to help them but I feel like I am getting nowhere because he makes new bills every month. (credit cards, jewelry) I need to tell him I'm not doing it anymore without hurting his feelings. Any suggestions?
2006-10-25 12:29:31 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wein him off gradually. Pay partial and that will start him on paying atleast half, then cut it off completely.
2006-10-25 12:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by sea shell 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings. He is obviously not worried about hurting your feelings or the feelings of his wife and child, by spending money on useless things. He needs to grow up, and you paying his bills won't help him. Just be honest with him. Tell him you will no longer pay ANY of his bills, but you would be happy to sit down with him and discuss a budget. You have to stand firm. When he comes to you asking for money, give him the name of a pawn shop where he can sell all the jewelry he's been buying. Tell his wife where the WIC office is, so she can get milk and food for the baby. When he sees his wife getting welfare, maybe your brother will see that he needs to be a man, and take care of his family. Good luck!
2006-10-25 19:41:25 · answer #2 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to know that number one you are not helping your brother, you are allowing him to take advantage of you and it wont stop unless you tell him your done. I am sure no matter what you say he will attempt to put a guilt trip on you. Be prepared for him to be angry. If he runs bills up every month and finds money for tattoos you are not really helping him, you are hurting him in the long run. Not to say let him go hungry. I would not pay bills or rent but I would give him food and if he is grateful he will get it together soon.
2006-10-25 19:38:47 · answer #3 · answered by Nani 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him straight up and honest (he is your brother) that he needs to start taking care of his family on his own. He's not a little boy anymore and if he was man enough to have a kid he should be man enough to take care of it without his sisters help. Just let him know you'll help him out with learning how to manage his money or if he's in a crunch for groceries or things for the baby. But that's it. He'll straighten up real quick when rent's due and his landlord is calling.
And trust me, I know just how expensive tattoos can get. I'm addicted.
2006-10-25 19:34:39 · answer #4 · answered by Usual 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him nicely.
Bro, you have money to get nice stuff for yourself but don't have money to take care of bills. I can't support you like that, I'm just helping you along, you need to be able to stand on your own. I'm not leaving you in dire straits but you gotta get a handle on spending and not rely on me for that. Everyone has to eventually learn to be independent and I think I'm more holding you back than helping you get ahead. Because of this, I can't keep helping with you bills. You know you can count on me for anything, but I don't want to end up messing you up with debt and spending because of my "help".
He may react badly and feel like ur his bro and he DESERVES the money you give him, but you have to explain that you are just helping him, and you want him to get ahead, not give him an allowance so he can look pimp and get tattoos. Tell him if he wanted tattoos just ask for money to get them that would be a gift, not ask for money to pay bills and then get tattoos and jewelry with his money. It's a angle of thinking he has issues with.
2006-10-25 19:43:30 · answer #5 · answered by MisterO 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
or you his banker or his sister ??? you need to just tell him you are NOT gonna do it any more.. why worry about hurting his feelings, is he worried about yours when he goes and gets that tatto or out to eat ?? I think NOT !!! as long as you are there to pay he will play, instead of being the husband, father and provider for his famiy... I know you want to help, but you are being an inabler at this point... you are helping him to stay a child... cut the strings.. if you have to help, and I know you will, feed the little one, and NO one else....buy the food and milk and stuff for the baby, take it to the house, and say that it is for the BABY !!! God bless
2006-10-25 19:36:15 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you understand where he's coming from but he has a family && child && so do you. He needs to grow up, just like you && learn to take responsibility for his family and learn to support them, just as you are. Don't get an attitude and tell him maybe you'll pay one last bill but after that, YOU have a responsibility too. Good luck <3
2006-10-25 19:33:44 · answer #7 · answered by girlonfire *White Sox Pride* 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tough love is the best thing you can do for him if you want him to be an independent dignified man. it's just too easy to ask you for the money rather than cut back on his expenses. as long as you give him the money, the longer he will continue his irresponsible ways. tell him "I love you and I will do anything for you, but I can't give you any more money." This is bad advice, but if it were me, i'd lie and say i needed the money for something else, like investments etc.
2006-10-25 19:36:20 · answer #8 · answered by dso116 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is really playing you for a sucker, he does not care about you or anyone for that matter, if you do not stop helping him with your money he is laughing at the way he is enjoying himself doing what he wants with his own money, because the sucker of his brother is there to help him in whatever he can so, why worry. You need to stop helping them because your brother is never going to grow up and assume his responsibility for his family. But, wait where is his wife does she tell him that he needs to take care of them himself because it is not your responsibility but his own. I know how it feels to be taken advantage of because I have a son that was always asking money for whatever reason, one of his children needed medicines or shoes or whatever, I endured it for the sake of my grandchildren until I found out that he was using his money for his own pleasure going out with the wife, designer clothes, for him and the wife, that is where my help stopped and I told him that the kids were his and not mine that I loved them a lot but, I needed to save my money for me, not him.
2006-10-25 19:47:53 · answer #9 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually it is your brother who is getting nowhere and you. are his enabler. You could tell him that you thought you were helping him but have come to realize that you are actually hurting him by not allowing him to mature and accept his responsibilities. It truly is the best way to help him...but hurting his feeling cannot be a factor. Sometimes 'tough love' really is the best way to love someone.
2006-10-25 19:45:38 · answer #10 · answered by Linda M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had that problem with a brother-in-law. It's a classic case of financial dependency. He depends on you to pay his bills while he has fun with his money. You need a bro-to-bro talk and tell him he's an adult, and needs to put his priorities in order.
2006-10-25 19:32:22 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋