Seriously. My mother is mean and nasty, very impatient and we do not agree on anything. She has a nasty response for everything. She is condesending and confrontational. I find myself yes-ing her to death just to keep the peace. But I am tired of walking on eggshells. One major issue is that her and my dad are bankrolling everything. I'm in grad school and I don't have any money. Should I suck it up until after my wedding, or should I say something and run the risk of not having the wedding of the year?
2006-10-25 12:29:14 · 23 answers · asked by msmoonlite 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sounds like your mother may need a hug. You only have one mother and being a mother of 4, I know that I have been nasty at times; if she is bankrolling everything as you say, perhaps some flowers sent to her to thank her for her generosity might be in order. Is the wedding of the year more important than building a better relationship with your Mom - everyone needs to be loved even a bankrolling Mom. If she didn't love you, she wouldn't be opening her wallet to you. Cut her some slack, she probably dreamed of this day since the first day that she looked into your eyes the day that you were born. Sounds like she did alright with giving you all the material things that you needed, maybe too much. Weddings come and go; and bank rolls come and go, listen to your own words and the adjectives that you use to describe her - usually those same adjectives can be used to describe yourself and perhaps that's the problem. What's your priority here! The greatest wedding of all time to impress who? Is that what a wedding is all about? Liz Minnelli had a grand wedding , so what ; Marla Maples had a big wedding , so what etc weddings come and weddings go - give your parents a hug for caring so much about you!
2006-10-25 13:12:15 · answer #1 · answered by sml 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No.
My parents paid for my wedding too, and my mom and I would have bumped heads a lot.
Try this: talk to her and set down some ground rules. Ask her what is important for her to see, even though it's your wedding. Since they are paying for it, you don't have 100% say here. Sorry, but it's the truth. Do you have a budget set? If you don't, that may also be a cause for stress. Try creating a budget and surprising them by staying on it (that's a tough one!)
Don't give up on her or your wedding. Try working together as a team and if takes blowing up at each other a few times, then do it. Just be sure to apologize.
2006-10-25 19:58:35 · answer #2 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, that depends...is your Mom getting married or are you? You are setting the tone for the rest of your married life if you say yes to everything she wants....something your hubby will NOT appreciate.
My problem was my MIL. She told us we could not have certain things to eat at the supper. We were lucky because my FIL looked right at her and told her to SHUT UP, it wasnt her wedding and to keep her nose out.
With your Mom paying, it is more tricky. I think you should sit down with her, your hubby and your Dad and really talk. Make sure you emphasize the positive the most. "Mom, I love you so much and I know you are trying to do the best you can for me, but your vision of my wedding and what you want are very different. Can we come to some sort of compromise? I would like my wedding to be remembered as a time you and I shared my dream and not a time of resentment." Something like that. If she is unwilling, you will need to take a stand. You dont "need" to have the wedding of the year. You need to say your vows with the man you love. Write down on a paper what is important to you. Not what you wish for, we all have that, but what truely is important to you. Follow that and your memories will be better than all the fluff you look at in a few years and say "I was fighting over what colour the napkins were?!!?"
It may be your Mom has some regrets about her own wedding and is trying to complete HER dreams for her own wedding on your's.
2006-10-25 19:45:56 · answer #3 · answered by Cariad 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That depends on how important it is to you to have "the wedding of the year". Is that what you are actually marrying the guy for?
You need to get your priorities straight and decide if you want to continue being a wuss for the rest of your life (cause it certainly isn't going to end with mom after you're married...what about when the children come along??) You need to stand up to her now and decide that you can still do a very very nice wedding without all of mom and dad's money, but at least you will have your pride and your integrity. Are you do positive that Dad wouldn't go ahead and pay for your wedding if you did stand up to your mom? Maybe he has had to put up with her attitude all these years and he hasn't had the guts to stand up to her either, and he is waiting for someone else to do it. Heck, you might even wind up with the wedding of the decade!!!
Heck, maybe mom doesn't even realize how much of a bi-ch she is being. Maybe its time she does receive a reality check!!
Good Luck!!!
2006-10-25 22:20:32 · answer #4 · answered by lildragonlexi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like the idea of a wedding planner. Present it as it will be easier for all. If your mom has a problem with a planner, then is the aggravation, stress and fighting worth a huge wedding that your mom is going to end up planning? It's your wedding. Maybe it's time to think of having a smaller wedding that is affordable for you and your future husband and is what YOU want.
2006-10-25 19:44:18 · answer #5 · answered by schoolot 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Suck up and deal with it or find a JOP. A wedding planner costs money, some charge MORE than the wedding itself you do NOT want to go there because they will want to hire only the people they will get a "kickback" from and it can get pretty "messy". My sister had a wedding planner and the photographer they had was LOUSY, there were only 5 good shots out of all of the picutres he took but he was contracted with the planner, the limo company sent the wrong limo, but couldn't send the correct one because it was already being used, the DJ sucked, half of the wedding party were black and he refused to play ANYTHING but country music. (he did play "Sunrise Sunset" during the bride's dance with her father but the rest was country). I say pare your wedding down to a few guests and have it at a court house with a JOP. Then later on when you and your husband can afford a larger wedding renew your vows. Or suck up and deal with your mother, crazy or not.
2006-10-25 19:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You could either yes her for the rest of your existance, or you could give her something to keep her busy and be in charge of. Maybe she could do something constructive, like putting bows together or gather addresses for you for your guest list. If that doesn't work, try going it on your own.
The wedding planner sounds great in your situation, though, They can work within a set buget, and they can be instructed to listen to your mother, but not take anything she says seriously.
IT'S YOUR WEDDING. SHE'S ALREADY HAD HER SPECIAL DAY.
2006-10-25 19:50:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would definately say something its your day you should have things the way you want them dont let yourself be rail roaded.
and if your parents decide not to pay for it then so be it you will still have the weding of the yr because it will be your wedding to the man you love and things will be just as you want them even if it doesnt cost a fortune and look all fancy.
a wedding isnt about being fancy its about committing yourselves to each other in front of family and friends and showing the whole world that you are in love and will be together forever. you dont have to be mean to your mother just explain that your not happy with the things she wants and you want things to be your way.
2006-10-26 05:40:30 · answer #8 · answered by rosierotweiller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think i'd give up the wedding of the year. Who's wedding is this anyhow!? Not her's . I think you need to set her straight. My mom is very demanding of attention on her and obnoxious as well, and I finally laid the cards on the table. She is much more civilized now.
It's YOUR wedding, and it's about love, and she is obviously having a hard time agreeing with that!
2006-10-25 21:27:57 · answer #9 · answered by izzynindie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question in your last sentence. Your fiance and you should be paying for your wedding, and that way you make all the decision, with some consultation with family on each side. Can I just make an aside, since you are about to be a married woman? You must treasure your mom, whatever your faults, because unexpected things might happen and you don't know whether she'll be there for you tomorrow. I say this to all young women who think their mothers are just horrible - smarten up and respect your moms. They are doing the best they can. You will miss them horribly when they are gone, and you will feel so sad your relationship wasn't good. I mended my fences with my mom, luckily before she passed on - which was relatively young, anyway. (sorry about the sermon, but it just gets me started when I see someone trash their mom.....)
2006-10-25 21:36:57 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋