No trouble meeting men. Just trouble finding a keeper.?

Question

It's been two years since the divorce (he cheated and I left), I had my fling with a 26 yr old (I'm 35, lol). But now I'm looking for the long term. Trouble is I'm not finding someone compatible. By the time you get to your mid-thirties most people have been banged around a bit, but I'm finding a lot of guys that didn't cope well and want their mommies, not a gf... or want some woman to compensate for some wrongs that someone else did to them. I am lookin high n low. I am successful, outgoing and meet a lot of people. Is it me? Or what can I do different?

Answer 1

Hi SBLady... I'll try my best to help you, but you'll have to try out my stuff to see if it works for you. Know that one medication don't work for all, but works for most people.
1) Your mentality... First, you must start from a clean start. Forget all your past bad emotions, because that is what is needed for commitment. Right now, I like to hear that you are outgoing and successful. Which tells me that you are very optimistic about your future. Did you know that pessimistic people have the most trouble in relationships? That's good... keep your optimism no matter what.
2) Look for men with these qualities so that he doesn't cheat on you, yet at the same time, provides the most exciting love that lasts for long term... a) He is truthful, or confident with his actions. b) He can control himself, and is strong (ex: He thinks before he acts, and he has strong mentality or like Michael Jordan or a budda). c) He gives you space, and time to do you things. Instead of aggressively pursuing after you, he makes things kinda like 50/50 so that you can make some moves. If he has this, he is less likely to cheat or to be abusive, etc (all those bad stuff, you know?).
3) Look for men in these places... Church, community services, etc. All of them have few things in common. They are positive, friendly, intimate environments, that still keeps efficiency, because there are more than one men there usually. But this is where you are most likely to meet HIM if you are looking for him. Internet dating is also good, but I myself prefer meeting mates this way because of the challenge and experience, which helps out alot for future causes.
4) If you are so desperate to become better (been desperate isn't a bad thing contrary to popular beliefs, just know that you shouldn't be insecure with your partner), then here's what is good for long term. a) Have flexibility in the relationship, so make yourself flexible and able to fit into his needs. So that both of you are able to adapt quickly, and this helps to fit in any situation. Think of long term relationship as building a house where you and your partner lives in, and the stronger that house (more flexible), the more likely it'll survive despite the external forces (money, children, problems, etc). b) Give and take. This is the basics of love. When everyone is stubborn and no one gives, love dies. So be the first to give, and continue giving. Even if he doesn't like you, move on to the next, and follow this. Because this is what makes long term relationship work. Have faith with this one (I know you have experience). c) Trust is important. Both partners need to trust each other, and trust can be built over time. But it can also be broken in just one day. It's not very difficult to have trust if both partners love each other to death (it doesn't feel like you are in jail, but if you don't feel love, then it will). Just know that to SHOW him how truthful you are, you need to be consistent, which doesn't mean much, except that you are giving him this message. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I am 56 and have the same problem. I get
quanity of men (more than I can deal with) but I want quality. I have met some keepers, but if I don't have that chemistry and passion it won't work. And sometimes I guy I really likes doesn't click with me. Mutual attraction is essential.
Many of them are so emotionally damaged by the bumps in life and some are financially drained from their divorce. Often many of them remarry too quickly to a younger woman and it doesn't last a year.
Don't give up on looking. Join Yahoo Personals. I have found it to be the best singles site online.
I have met some wonderful guys. And I have had relationships. I just haven't found the right mix of what I want in a man.

I wish you well.

Answer 3

You're desperate, that's what is wrong. You're wanting to get into the "long term" without "graduating" past the friendship. Stop looking for the long term and just look for someone who shares your interests, if it is meant to be long term it will be. By being desperate you set yourself up for a lot of "loosers" who are just looking to use you.