I'm single, never been married, no kids. When I met this man (labor day) he thought he was single with no kids too. Bottom line - amazing "once in a lifetime" romance.
He just found out that a one night stand had his child and then a week later found out that a girl he hung out with for a month had his baby too..a month apart from the other one (paternity test results for the first one, compared notes on the second one). Let me clarify for all those who can't follow - TWO BABIES from TWO MOTHERS in TWO MONTHS?!
He is going nuts with stress (obviously!) and so am I?! I think I love him enough to deal with this...is love enough or should I run like hell and avoid the drama I've been able to dodge in my life!? HELP!
2006-10-25 10:54:52 · 18 answers · asked by angela w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
only you can answer this, you don't leave a relationship when the going gets tough, but if you know he is worth the struggle then keep supporting him til the end of this situation.
2006-10-25 10:57:26 · answer #1 · answered by pay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dilemma is really not about running or staying and dealing with his problems.
What you have to answer for yourself is can you trust this man.
Both the first and second mom thought they could at one point. But they didn't know he was having sex with both at the same time.
While it does happen I do not believe in one night stands. Only reason for that is if he was a horrible lover.
Has he changed? Are you so special to him that he has no desire to go elsewhere? Have you both reached a point you know you will marry?
You must answer these questions and they must be from someone other than him. You have a man that has, in the past, had no problem going with two women at the same time. Could he be doing that now?
Any negative feelings to these question should cause you to run like hell.
2006-10-25 11:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by John B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should take some time and reaccess what you both want. This is a lot to deal with for him and you as well. Step outside the relationship for a second and really ask yourself if you want to jump into a serious relationship with a man who has two kids that aren't yours.
He needs to decide how he's going to support these children and if he should even be bothering with a girlfriend at this moment in time. I know it's hard - and you may be in love. But how long have you been dating??
2006-10-25 10:59:49 · answer #3 · answered by Niko 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run! I'm not sure I believe he didn't have a clue about either woman. Plus, his track record for one night stands is not very good. You haven't known him that long anyway, and guys always seem nice when you are in the very beginning of a relationship. You've done fine without drama so far, dear, don't walk into this much pending drama,,just yet!
2006-10-25 11:00:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think you love him, you won't stand a chance with dealing with it. You need to decide weather you love him or not. If you do love him, and you think that he could be in your future, and you deeply care for him, then be at his side for this, i'm sure like you said he's stressing out. And not being able to know what he's thinking, he's stressing out a lot more than you think. So just stay at his side with this, work it through, hold his head up high, and comfort him, and help him figure out what he needs to do, now that he has two new responsibilities... I'm know he won't be able to do it alone, so just be there for him.
2006-10-25 10:59:35 · answer #5 · answered by mercy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend is legally obligated to support these children (not to mention the attendant emotional / psychic obligations).
Are you willing to go along with him for the long haul when he has to carry this heavy baggage? Part of his paycheck is going to go to these kids; he may choose to be an involved father - can you deal with that in a healthy way?
Another question to consider: What ELSE might be uncovered as time goes on?
2006-10-25 11:06:10 · answer #6 · answered by Ecks 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did he really not know? I find that a little hard to believe. And if sex means that little to him, can you live with that? As far as kids from previous relationships go... if you love him: love his children. Yes, being blessed as a mother, even as a step-mother, is worth the man. But, can you live with his having been so... loose?
2006-10-25 10:57:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run like hell, honey. And don't assume hes telling the truth, either. What are the odds of having two babies by two women and not knowing about either one? Send him packing, and throw a box of condoms in his luggage. He obviously isn't familiar with them.
2006-10-25 10:57:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're lucky enough to find the person that you really love and you want to make it work then do just that. Make it work. Love is amazing and not everyone can say that they've truly experienced it.
2006-10-25 10:59:43 · answer #9 · answered by heartbreaker312 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the fact that you are asking this question means you are going to try to deal with this,hang in there kids are supposed to be a blessing!!!remember that
2006-10-25 10:58:32 · answer #10 · answered by boozer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋