i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, and a few weeks ago he asked me a question and i quickly said "no, why" without thinking, when the answer was really yes. so now hes really mad because i "lied" to him, even though a minutes after i said "no" i told him that it was acctually "yes". and wants me to prove that he can trust me. but its not something that can be rebuilt over time... he wants something tangible. so really i just need something sweet that i can do for him. i dont know what to do. Ive already said that i wouldnt go to parties unless he goes, and i told him i woldnt go away to college but he said he didnt want me to do that.(im serious about it. i would stay in my town if that would make it better). I cant think of what else i can do. some one help PLEASE.
2006-10-25 10:38:22 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
why worry about a first love?
why ruin your college/life over anyone this early in the game?
prove you're not as immature as him and carry on into your future
2006-10-25 10:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's really nothing to prove if you are "true" to him, just make sure that your actions are constant when you ARE with him, and even when you AREN'T with him. Trust can be built back over time, and grows stronger over time if taken care of. I noticed that there are alot of advices around here telling you to dump him or to confront him. If you dump him, then nothing is solved except that perhaps your pride has been saved from this so called "control freak", your beloved boyfriend. If you confront him, nothing really gets resolved except the fact that you are trying to change his ways. Change doesn't occur by forcing someone, but rather giving them the desire to change, and giving them the signal for that change without forcing it or going into arguments (slowly). Besides, what's wrong with a little test for faith that both partners constantly strive for? Perhaps he needs this trust so that he can marry you, and not have to split apart after (unless if you want to ask for marriage, try to help him make a judgement that is very important for both of you). Anyways, I don't believe there are any quick results to earning his trust, but just keep your actions constant, to your actions before, and slowly change yourself if you see that it is necessary (you've already gotten 3 years). Keep whatever is needed in your past experience that made your relationship work in the first place. If you change yourself now simply to please him, you should know that this change will be pretty much permanent, because you will need to be consistant. I don't believe there are quick results as far as I know. However, I do agree that he needs to lighten up.
2006-10-25 18:05:05 · answer #2 · answered by DN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless your thirteen, or so, you should be thinking about your future and not this guy!.
If you have been his girl friend for three years, he should already trust you!
If he gets mad that easy then what is going to happen next?
You have more important things do in your life then staying around your town and avoiding a college education because he needs a baby sitter!
Do not worry! You will find better!
2006-10-25 17:58:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it's hard for me to answer this because I don't know the circumstances of the question asked or why it was such a big deal, but if you've been with him for three years, I don't understand why the issue of trust is such a problem now. Trust IS something that builds over time, it's not something tangible. Showing him that he's the only boy you're interested in-- that's something that shows trust. If he can't see that you trust him, than maybe he's not worth it.
2006-10-25 17:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by sunflower 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, here's what you say:
"Honey, I'm sorry that I sounded like I was lying to you. My mind must have simply been somewhere else because I don't normally lie to you. In fact, I wouldn't really consider this a lie at all. I also think you're being a bit hasty and you're making something very trivial into a big deal. How about we take a step back and just think about how good things have been the last 3 years! Do you really want that to get worse?"
See, he's manipulating you and making you feel like a bad person over something stupid because he's very insecure. Sweetie, this isn't the best guy...I'm sorry you've been with him for the last 3 years but I say if he keeps this up, break it off! Trust me on this one...this guy's gonna mess with your head!
2006-10-25 17:42:23 · answer #5 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't change your life to suit someone else, you will never be happy if you do, if he can't accept the fact that you answer is stupid question as a lie, then you need to head off to college.
Plenty of good guys at college.
No matter what you do, he has already made his mind up about you, nothing you do or say from this point on will make him trust you, simply by asking you a question, tells me, he is untrusting of everyone or every girl.
2006-10-25 17:47:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, it sounds like you are kind of young - So don't let one guy keep you back from your "ENTIRE LIFE"
However if you are older - say 21 or so... - Then here it is.
Trust needs to be built over time. Once it has been betrayed it is hard to regain. -
- Also, you don't need to do everything together. You need time away from him and he from you. You just have to be strong enough to understand that. - (Make sure you don't cheat when gone though) - Because that is what I am getting from your "lie" - You may have or may not have - I don't know
But if you did cheat then there is something wrong with your relationship and you want out - but you don't want to admit it. - Face the facts, come clean - and live your life to the fullest.
2006-10-25 17:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by offspringkin 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good God, I think he's using something so small and mundane to control you. If he's mad about it and you've already apologized, leave him alone until he's over it. You can't wait on him hand and foot with a silver platter because of that isolated situation. Now on the other hand, if you're a pathalogical liar and just forgot to mention that, then that would be a separate issue.
2006-10-25 17:45:00 · answer #8 · answered by 00jag 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have been with him for 3 years and he got that upset over you answering a question wrong by mistake? I sure would like to know what that question was. And even after you told him you would not go to a party without him, wow. Have you tried telling him that you would not go to the bookstore without him? That will usually work.
2006-10-25 17:42:25 · answer #9 · answered by Got2seeit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question he asked must have been a doozy if he's dumping 3 years of trust over one wrongly worded answer. If he needs "proof" he can trust you beyond the 3 years you've been faithful to him then maybe he's got the issues not you.
Do something sweet for him if you want, but it sounds a bit fishy to me!
2006-10-25 17:41:51 · answer #10 · answered by Kitty T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to College. It will eventually be helpful being away from your boyfriend for a short time in your life.
If you want your relationship to last longer, keep it simple.
You can always meet your boyfriend even if you guys are separated by state-lines/county-lines...
But if you don't go to college right now, it will be difficult to go when you're married with children.
2006-10-25 17:43:39 · answer #11 · answered by Steve L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋