How do I get my 3 1/2 yr old daughter to stop being so clingy and participate in classes and activities?

Question

My daughter is 31/2 and we go to church reguarly sundays and wednesdays where she has her own designated classes to go to. she used to be a little clingy from about 12-24 mos but since her 2nd b-day she has been happily going to her classes where she does crafts and has snacks and has alot of fun. she has had no issues w/ seperation anxiety or clinginess for 11/2 years!!!! Now all of the sudden every time I want to leave her at class she cries and screams and kicks and even if I am firm and leave her there she wont stop and they have to call me back! she also took a preschool gymnastics class and at the 2nd class started crying for me and wouldnt go back..I watched the whole time and noone said or did anything traumatic. she has not undergone any major life changes or stressors at all in the family. She begged me to take a ballet class which we started last friday but I really need to "leave the room" next time as parents are not supposedto observe. im at my wits end!! HELP!

I have asked her if anything happened and she just says "No I just dont wanna go!" and as far as the ballet class goes they did let me stay to observe and the tacher is great and all the other kids are happy but the parents distract them thats all. and she also has plenty of mommy time and I dont push or force her to do anything!!! she is also not overbooked..just church which isnt an option and the ballet class SHE begged to take. I do say goodbye and Illbe right back and have tried sweetness and firmness..it seems like it is just a battle of the wills. Not so much the ballet class but I NEED her to stay in church so I can hear the servivce because if she sits w/ me she is not quiet. she is not a bad or unruly child..she is normally very polite and well behaved. I just want to help her through this. thanks

Answer 1

Things like this happen. The rules change daily with young children. she is realizing that she is no longer a baby but she is not a big girl yet. That right there can be traumatic. You have done nothing wrong. Maybe she is involved in too much too fast. sometimes they just need some Mommy time. It could also be a control issue and she wants to see how long you will let her cry away from you.
If it is possible you may need to pull her from things and just stay close. add them back in a little at a time.

Answer 2

It sounds like she had gained control, he you are asking how high to jump. I am not trying to be mean, but from my view, it looks as if she is calling the shots. Some cultures feel that a child should wait until they are ready on their own. Others feel that they have to deal with it. Are you saying Goodbye? That is very important. Don't just say Goodbye, but also tell her exactly when you will be back. I am not in favor of bribery, but have you tried rewarding her with something special for good behavior? Maybe someone snapped at her and lost her trust and made her scared. Maybe another child hurt her physically or emotionally and nobody saw it. Try to talk with her about it, even if she is not good at communicating, make sure you give her several minutes to answer you, ONE question at a time. She is not old enough to process multiple questions yet, maybe ask her to show you by acting. Maybe try going to the door and having a goodbye ritual that you go through every time so she knows what to expect. But if you do anything, you must be consistant every single time, even if it seems embarrassing. I wish you luck.

Answer 3

I worked in a daycare, and sometimes this happens. You have to let them know that you are having separation issues with your daughter and that you are trying to help her get over them. Therefore, even when she cries the entire time she is there, she needs to stay. The reason why children cry is because that is the way that they express a need. And when children get to be around her age, they realize that crying will also get them certain results. For her, if she cries long enough, you will come. She has to learn that while you will always be there for her that there are times when she will have to be away from you (she is not that far away in age from starting school). You could also try having another family member or a friend drop her off and see what happens.

I am a little concerned about them telling you that you can't observe. Parents were ALWAYS more than welcome to come to my classes and to drop in from time to time unless we had come to a mutual decision that it was not healthy for their child. I do think it is wonderful that you are trying to enrich your child with classes. Wish more parents did so.

Answer 4

Some of this behavior is normal and your child needs to be slowly adjusted to being away from you. Also, if there has been any trauma .. and while I don't like to suggest terrible things, there may have been a terrible event in her life, so please be patient. Things are not always as they seem and it seems as though something has triggered her 'I feel safest with Mom thing'. Please be patient, and read up on the best way to 'wean her from you' so you are not inducing trauma by just 'abandoning her (from her eyes not yours)' by walking out the door. There are small steps and you will need to take them with her. I'm sorry this is so difficult in this fast paced world, unfortunately, all kids are different and have different needs. Good Luck hun, and may she adjust easily after you start taking the slow as snail approach. It's what I would do with my own child if I were in your shoes. HER mental health is more important in the formative years, than any rules about ballet or school or whatever .. right?

Answer 5

When your daughter asked for the ballet classes, she had no idea what it meant for her to participate in those. Even if she saw the classes, she couldn't imagine herself in them. Let her out of the classes. She doesn't want to be in them. It's really kinda mean isn't it, to keep her going? She doesn't want them. Stop making her go. Who are they for?

As for the church - I have been reading a very interesting book by the Biblical Archeological Society of New York and I've learned that Moses is known to have been a priest in a monotheistic egyptian cult and it is believed the exodus occured when the pharoh sponsoring this cult was ousted. The first five books of the Old Testament are known to all scholars to have 4 sources, two each of the Egyptian influenced and 2 of the babylonian influenced hebrews.

As you'll note, there are two creation stories and two flood stories, right there together in genesis. two different accounts. one each has a yaweh god, one each has a elohim god. the two versions have been woven together, around 722 B.C.

So, maybe your daughter is trying to tell you to stop wasting your time attending a church that doesn't even know it's 'revealed word' is the rehashed stories of an egyptian monotheistic cult. Really, it's quite silly to subject yourself and especially her to this church stuff, when it's based on nothing at all which you believe it is.

Get in reality about her ability to cope with classes, get in reality about this religion stuff, and your life should get much easier.

Answer 6

Any place that won't let parents observed needs to be investigated. Next time you drop your darling off, stay
there to watch. Keep staying and watching until your child feels safe. If this place won't allow you to do that then DO NOT BRING your daughter back. There is something very wrong. Follow your gut instincts. Have this
place investigated right away. Talk to other parents and
see if their children are behaving in a negative way.

Answer 7

here's a foolproof way - let about two years pass. she's attracted to these classes but too young to sustain the committment because it means separation from you. she's old enough to get what that means. kids under 5 learn best in the context of a one on one relationship (with mommy.)


why put yourselves through this? let her be age appropriate. i know there's lots of resistance to this in a culture where we want our kids grown up fast so we don't have to be there for them. but, when you are there for your child, you understand that 3 1/2 year olds are not capable of NOR BENEFITTED BY activities like this.

Just because other people put their kids through it doesn't mean you should or even that it's right for their kids.

let her be a little one and let her spend her time with her mommy.

Answer 8

I have Five kids and all of them have been like this. One of my daughters wanted to do gymnastics, her twin did not. They allowed us to stay and watch, but it was hard because Kaila, now 2, was only a baby and derin and miachel just screamed the whole time, so eventually we had to leave. We invited one of the sher and same age girls over for a play date. all five kids, even the boys made freinds with her. But still breanne did not wan't to leave me. Finaly we tried to bribe Bailey, her twin, to go with her. Then we decided that they both wanted to do dance. This was a huge succses. Does your daughter have a sister or friend she could invite to go to the ballet class? Then bailey decided to do the gymnastics class with her sister. i hope that this will work for you.

Answer 9

You should ask her personally if anyone did something bad to her during the times you weren't there.
Then you should probably start inviting her firends that attend the same class over. That way when you take her to class she'll want to hang out with them.