i dont know my dad!?

Question

im 17 and have never met my dad...it hurts me so much. i tried asking my mum twice but she wont tell me anything about him, i went behind my mums back and found out his name from court forms that were hidden and have just found out where he lives...i love my mum to bits and dont want to hurt her! i have three sisters but they have a different dad (im the youngest) what can i do???

Answer 1

At 17, you're old enough to choose whether or not to meet your biological father. I can understand why you are curious. However, if you are 17 and have never met him, you need to be prepared to be disappointed. He's not really a dad, is he? He's more of a sperm donor. He's never tried to contact you, right? You may not get the reaction you want.

Don't do it behind your family's back though. Be honest and up front about it. Let them know what you are doing. Your mother may have a good reason for keeping him away. Perhaps he's not a nice person. Make sure you know it's safe.

Answer 2

Your mom might think she is protecting you. You don't know what happened between them that made him not be a part of your life. Take a moment to ask your self some very serious questions.....Are you mentally prepared for if he doesn't want to meet you? Are you prepared for if he was or is married and has another family and they do not know about you? Could you handle the rejection? Maybe you could write him a letter and see if he responds. Honestly, no one knows how this will play out except you and him. Go and buy your mom a card and let her know exactly how you feel. She is your mom and she only wants what is best for you. But if she is only holding back because of her feelings towards him and she realizes how serious you are about meeting him, she just might give you her blessing and help you to get into contact with him. But, please be ready for any and all situations. You do need to know him and his side of the family and have some your questions answered. I will be praying for the best and hope nothing but good comes out for you!!!

Answer 3

You asked your mother twice about your dad, and found some court docs about your dad, and you are 17 years of age.
How come within those years that man you call your dad hasn't got closer to you and let you know that...Hey, I am your dad! So why waste time about him, he possibly didn't want you or to know you after all. You have a mother that looks for you, loves you, and takes care of you. Spend your time with your mom and think the hardships your mom been thru with that man. When was the last time you told her that you love her? I know growing up w/o a known father. But your mother is there with you and alive.
Do the best you can for your mother. It is not hard to do it, have faith and keep loving her.

Answer 4

If you know where your dad lives, you could look up the address and his name in a phone directory and call him?

Or, are you even sure he knows about you? It's possible that he and your Mom split before he knew she was preggers. That happens.

Don't just drop in on him - call him, arrange a meeting, and meet him. It will be very emotional, I'm certain of that - at least from your side - but you've got to do this. You have to know who he is - if for nothing else than medical reasons (you know, maybe he has inheritted heart problems or something else congenital that you need to know about so that you can face/deal with it now).

Look up his number, tell him you want to meet him for coffee or tea somewhere (like a Starbucks), and then go meet him. What's the worst that can happen? He can say no. At least you know who he is.

I know that, if you were my daughter, and I didn't know I had a daughter, and you looked me up 17 years later - I'd sure try to make up for the 17 years I missed!

good luck!

Answer 5

There is probably a good reason, your mom is not commenting about your dad. But it is still your choice, and I could understand the need to know. If you do go ahead and meet him, brace yourself, for what may happen next. The can of worms you open, may take years to put back in. This man is a stranger to you. Before attempting to meet him, find out about him. A back ground search would be suitable. Access him on-line, or find out from other sources. He could be dangerous, or just a relationship that gone sour. I would try one last time with your mother, to find out details. May he be somebody worth knowing.

Answer 6

Tell your mum that every girl needs a dad and a mum.. and that you would want to meet your dad. (Don't tell her that you know where he lives). Then say," Mum can't you find his address any where? Like on the internet or court forms...or soemthing!" She will probably understand and let you go and see your father!


Good Luck!

Answer 7

Do what makes you happy. If you feel the need for closure, then go and meet him. But your mom could be telling you not to go around him for a reason. It would be heartbreaking if you go to meet this man, and he isn't enthused or doesn't claim/accept you. If you decide to go, make sure that you don't expect anything to come out of it. Treat the reunion like a blind date so that your feeling won't be hurt in the end.

Answer 8

Proceed with caution. Your dad might not even know you exist....
If you are so inclined, write him a letter and tell him you will follow up with a call at a specified date and time.
If you are in the same city, have a meeting. somewhere public and have a gf accompany you and wait for you....
It is very important for a daughter to know her father. He might not be what you want, so please do not go with any preconceived notions or expectations... You are old enough to make this decision, even tho your mother doesn't think so... good luck....

Answer 9

Well, you need to ask your mum why she won't tell u anything about your dad. Also, since you have his address and if u decide to go over to see him...there is no guarantee that he'll be happy to see you.....he might have a wife and children who don't know anything about you and they'll probably react hostile towards you. Perhaps, call him first and see what he has to say??
Best wishes!

Answer 10

I think you should have every right to know your dad. My step daughters father was abusive and cheate on my wife when they were together and he is an acoholic. She has never tried to keep him from seeing her, as long as he is sober. We both think it is only fair that she know her father and have the opportunity to form her own opinion of him. Sounds like your mom has made some bad choices in life, and she needs to be fair to you. Talk to your mom and tell her you would like to meet your father.