My mother/monster in law to be is making a huge fuss becasue none of my fiance's sisters are apart of my bridal party. The ages are (12, 14, and 15). I'm not close with any of his sisters AND I feel they are too old to be flower girls and too old to be bridesmaids. Am I being "rude", "Wrong", or "messed up" for not inviting his sisiters to be apart of the bridal party?
2006-10-25 10:13:33 · 31 answers · asked by Diva 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think that she's making a big deal out of nothing, those girls will grow up and probably not have you in their bridal party either. You should only have people you know and are comfortable with in your bridal party. You monster-in-law just seem like she want things to go her way because it's her son. But I think that she's out of line on this one.
2006-10-25 14:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Monster in law speaking here, and former wedding planner...some people think that the family members should be something in the wedding party. I agree with most everybody here and yourself. It's your wedding. Your bridal should be your choices not because they are going to be your sister-in-laws.
You aren't being rude, wrong or messed up. Honey, this is your bridal party, you pick who who want to help celebrate your most happy day. If you want to included them that's fine, they could be junior bridesmaids. As far as being too old for flower girls, that your decision. My daughter had the family dog as ringbearer, and her groom's little sister who is 12 as the flower girl. Again, your choice your wedding.
Explain to her that your feelings, that you have chosen these young women for personal reasons. Use the excuse you grew up together always promising that they would be your attendants, and you can't break their hearts. That you are in a bad situation, and could she please understand how this might make your friends very unhappy. My son was an usher in his sister's wedding along with the groom's brother. Let the girl's be ushers, that's an important job, they could have making dresses in a shade similar to the bridesmaids. Again, your wedding your choice. I just hope she will drop the fuss and realize that it's not her wedding but her son's and his beautiful bride.
God bless us all..........
2006-10-25 13:49:02 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband wasn't in his only sister's bridal party. In fact, there were groomsmen who had never even met the groom or bride. My husband wasn't even a backup groomsmen when one of them cut out at the last minute. His sister even forced my husband, who was jobless at the timeand with a young family, to rent and wear a $200 tux! Their relationship is VERY strained now.
You need to sit down with your MIL and fiance and explain why you didn't feel it necessary to include them in the bridal party. For one, don't say "they are too old to be flower girls and too young to be bridesmaids." It's common to have junior bridesmaids.
Ask them if they would like to become a hostess, or a female usher. If that isn't comforting, try asking them to be the guest book attendants.
I would include them as best you could. Also, think about your fiance. Is HE close to his sisters? It's not about how close you are to them, it's also about your fiance. Remember that it's his wedding too.
2006-10-25 10:19:31 · answer #3 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does your fiance think? It's his wedding too, you know - yeah, what a concept!! Weddings... not just for brides anymore. And these are HIS sisters you're talking about. You may not be close with them, but he might, and he might not mind making them a part of his wedding. As far as I'm aware, there isn't a law restricting the ages of flower girls and bridesmaids. I've got a secret for you: if you want peace, sometimes you have to give in. It's not always about you. No, really.
2006-10-25 11:11:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you meant too young to be bridesmaids, however the only way for them to be too young is if they were flower girl age... many people have junior bridesmaids.
Anyway, to answer your question.... No, you are not in the wrong in any way for not having them be one of your attendants. They are close to him not you, if he wants them included in the wedding party he could ask them to be HIS attendants. People have attendants of the opposite sex all the time.
You could possibly ease tension though, by having them do something else... (candle lighters, a reading during the ceremony, sing a song during the ceremony, hand out programs if you're having them, give out flower petals/bubbles/bird seed if doing any of those.... you could even ask that they be your "assistants" (they can find the needed people for the photographer so he/she doesn't have to chase down people, run errands for you on the day of, help you with wrapping favors or addressing invitations, etc.)
2006-10-25 10:20:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could they be "honorary bridesmaids"? As lame as that term is to me...i was one once. It's like, "you're my friend but you didn't quite make the cut to be a real bridesmaid." But for your situation maybe this would satisfy the mother-in-law. If you don't know what an honorary is, all they do is they have a corsage and are seated by an usher after the mothers and grandmothers. They have a special spot on the front row and are listed in the program. Or maybe they could serve the cake or guestbook or somthing like that...But if your finace doesn't feel strongly about them being in it i wouldn't have them be bridesmaids.
2006-10-25 10:54:04 · answer #6 · answered by Katie Beth 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, you are not rude. The people who stand up for you are the people you choose, not anyone else.
Try and make peace by having them look after the guest book or say a reading (like the others have suggested).
I also agree that you need to make a stand with the MIL. Talk to your husband to get him onboard with this. You MIL is losing her son...is what she thinks. This her last power play she can do before the wedding. I dont know why MIL get like this, but so many do.
Good luck!
2006-10-25 12:54:35 · answer #7 · answered by Cariad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. It's your wedding and you should have those who you feel are closest to you to be your honor attendants. That being said it would be nice to honor your fiance's sister's in some special way to make them feel included in your special day. Some ways that you could include them are:
-ask them to do a reading at your ceremony
-have them hold the rings and bring them forward when your officiant does the ring exchange
-have them hand out programs and help greet and seat guest for the ceremony
-be in charge of asking guests to sign the guest book, show people where cards and gifts go, and help them find their seat on your seating chart at the reception
All are ways to make them feel included but still let you keep your special friends and family members as your wedding party.
Happy Planning!
Crystal
2006-10-25 10:22:17 · answer #8 · answered by www.crystalweddings.ca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do not disrespect this woman, she raised your fiance and you love him, right? It is proper for you to have at least the oldest sister as a bridesmaid, and include the other two in some part of the wedding - maybe sitting at the guest register at the reception or doing readings in church.
2006-10-25 14:44:33 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're not rude, wrong or messed up... just probably planning to do it in a traditional way (with females closer to your own age).
It's your bridal party & she should respect your decisions about it... but if you choose to do so, you could break tradition & have the little girls included somehow, someway.
Besides, it's probably going to hurt the girls if they're left out... it's already hurt the monster-in-law.
2006-10-25 10:23:05 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋