my wife cheated, abandoned me and took the kids, i at least want joint custody of the kids and not have to pay

Question

shouldnt i get a break with child support. i can provide for the children when they are with me. i wanted my family to be at home with me, she chose to cheat and leave. she doesnt work, shouldnt she have more of an economic responabilty. i dont want to give any money to her, i dont have to put money in her hands to provide for my kids, especially if they are with me half the time.

Answer 1

I think your initial strategy should be to demand full custody. Find a bastard for a lawyer who will fight dirty. Grounds are that she has shown that she's not a good moral example for the children. She will not put them first.
She must have gone somewhere with the kids and someone must be paying the rent for her right now.
Most judges will not presume that kids are better with a non-working mother. In fact, working demonstrates responsibility.
Joint custody won't have anything to do with who pays for what. It has to do with who makes the decisions concerning the kids. That is, with joint custody you may still have to ante up dollars to pay for them but they can't change schools without you being in the decision process.

In most states, both incomes are pooled together and then the child support is determined from the pool of income. Both pay the share of child support unless both parties agree to have a non-working parent being paid by the other. If she's not working, you won't have day care expenses.

Get to a lawyer fast.

You should get to court as fast as you can to DEMAND YOUR CHILDREN live with you in the home you have provided. If you don't, your unwillingness to pay child support looks like cheap cheap. You must prove your case that you want to support your children. That involves getting them back with you full time.

Answer 2

If you want joint custody, hire a good attorney and fight for that. The judge will decide what is 'fair' legally as regards child support. Most of the time, it's not practical for the kids to literally spend one week with mom and one week with dad so even with joint custody there is usually a primary caretaker. And that is usually whoever the primary caretaker was before the separation (simply because that is usually what is easiest for the kids.) But, you could request that you be the primary caretaker and if you make a good case for it (solely based on what is in the best interest of the children, not because your wife is a big cheater) then you could be granted that by the judge. Another difficulty is with the financial piece - even if you pay for food and shelter while the kids are with you for your half of the month, that doesn't account for expenses that can be large or overly burdensome - or are impossible to pin into a 'his time, her time' category. Expenses such as: health insurance premiums, doctor visits, school pictures, field trip expenses, etc.

Bottom line - you're both on the hook financially. If you want joint custody, stress that to your attorney.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I think you definately have a good chance of getting your way in court, just GET A GOOD LAWYER.

Bring up that she cheated. That, in many many cases, is enough to at least get the sympathy of the judge, and your steadfastness compared to her flightiness will come through.

You can fight for custody or joint custody, and you would probably get it. If you get full custody, she'd have to be assigned to pay you an amount of child support, but you may not better expect much (since she doesn't have work right now, the amount she's originally required to make and send you may be really low).

I don't know how joint custody works, but I do feel like you have a strong case in family court for custody.

For the time they're with her, you might still have to pay child support (but see if you can do it in some way like a trust, where the mom has limited or supervised access to it, so you can rest assured it's going directly to the care of your kids.)

There's a good chance you'll have to pay alimony, but the fact that she was unfaithful may affect that. Like I said, get a good lawyer and find out from someone who knows.


EDIT: Y'all, notice that the guy is saying he wants a break from the child support, but he wants custody of the kids. As in he doesn't want to pay his wife child support he would be paying if she had full custody if he's going to have the kids half the time.

Give the fella a break!

Answer 4

Where I live if you have joint custody you don't pay child support. And the way joint custody works here is every other week. No one has them more than the other. You have them equally. There are 52 weeks in a year you divide them up in half which means you will have them 26 weeks out of the year. At least you are wanting to still be involved with your kids and I know how you feel bout the cheating. My son's daddy walked out on us didn't want his son didn't want to pay child support. Then married the girl he left us for. If you are going to have to pay child support see what you can do about putting it somewhere your ex wife can't get it. If you can prove she cheated then a judge will work with you. Good luck.

Answer 5

You said something here a lot, you said she this she that...guess what she did it not your children. Don't punish them because she is stupid. It isn't their fault. Yes you should support them while at your home but being a parent isn't part time, it's a full time position. So you don't want to give her money, I can understand that, but the money would go towards bills (electricity, gas, water, food, rent, etc.) that is providing for your children. If you don't want to continue to pay money, get full custody and make her pay you child support.

Answer 6

I have been through the EXACT SAME situation, and I have only one small bit of advice for you for the good of your children:
DON'T deny them support during the time they live with your ex, because all you will be doing in your desire to punish your ex is that you WILL ONLY BE PUNISHING AND HURTING YOUR OWN CHILDREN!
Is it really worth it to make your chidren's live difficult and even miserable just because you need to nurse a grudge? Don't think about the ex-cheating-wife part, think about those little sweethearts of yours instead. Trust me, years down the road when they are older they will RESPECT YOU TREMENDOUSLY for doing the right thing, and don't you want these little darlings that you love so much and who love you equally to think of you that way, and as someone who was ALWAYS A GOOD DAD?
I can't even BEGIN to tell you how much it means to me and what it feels like 18 years later to have my children love me even more than ever because from the day that their mother and I separated in 1988 I never said a single bad thing about her to them AND I paid my full child support ($426 a week) without question or complaint for 11 years until they were both 21, and all of this while they [always] lived with their mother who never worked.
Take it for what it's worth, but all I know is I'm forever grateful I didn't handle things any differently!

Answer 7

Should your kids suffer from her mistakes? Maybe a discount on child support would be OK, but not paying at all should be out of the question.You helped bring them into this world. Also, you should care about your kids enough to get over not wanting to give her money for them,they shouldn't be miserable and broke when they're with they're mom.That's not fair to them. I'm not saying in any way that shes right, what she did was horrible and selfish.But its not about you and her, its about your kids.Step up and do whats right, whether you like it or not.

Answer 8

So you want to see the kids but not pay for them? In joint custody the mother still has the children more often than the men (in most cases)... Why should you get off on mot supporting them at all times? They need clothes and other items that don't just involve food at a weekend at dad's. She cheated and was wrong, but you still have a responsibility.

Answer 9

It is possible to have a joint custody arrangement and not have to pay anything, but the time needs to be split equally or you need to be appointed the primary caregiver. Which personally, if that is the kind of woman she is....I think that you should be! If you go for joint custody and request to also be the primary caregiver..she will have to pay you! Regardless of wether she works or not. They will credit her income as what she is capable of earning. If you want to be a full time dad because you love your children then do it right. But don't refuse to pay just to spite her as they will be the only ones who suffer in the long run. Good luck and stay strong!

Answer 10

Joint custody doesn't necessarily mean you won't have to pay child support.. my ex and I have joint custody, but he still pays child support... and it is "Child Support" it is money for the child(ren) not for the ex spouse. My daughter is able to keep the way of living she had while we were married because of the support that he gives me for her. I can understand your frustration, but then again, why be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. Get past the bitter feelings and live for the kids.