My fiance and I are in a difficult situation. We've talked about getting married, but then we found out that I am pregnant. We scooted the date up to Nov. 11th instead of sometime in June. His mom found out through reading his myspace messages that we set the date. The day after, we were on our way to go tell them and she called all upset that she had to find out that way. I don't think she should have been snooping around his stuff and that she is overreacting since we just barely set the date the day before she got upset. Now she is pouting about me taking away her son.
2006-10-25 09:32:50 · 39 answers · asked by ♥Me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It wasn't on myspace for everyone to see. It was a personal message I sent him. She had his password and everything.
2006-10-25 10:07:01 · update #1
I didn't tell him I was preg over myspace. I didn't tell him we were getting married over myspace either. I sent him a personal message saying that the date was reserved at the place we were doing it because he was out of town at the moment.
2006-10-25 10:23:46 · update #2
Cripes....you are in for quite the married life!
First off....how the heck does she have his password to see his messages? Does she wash his underware still too?!! I would suggest having a serious sitdown with your fiance on exactly how your MIL was able to access what should have been private. You want to settle that kind of thing before the wedding and certainly before you start raising a child together.
Second...since it is a done deal now, you need to talk to your MIL, as adults. If she is going to take the high chair, you need to take the high road in it all. Let her know that unexpected events surrounded the date change and since your fiance was out of town, that is why it was done as a private message and not a declaration. Let her know, if it was to be made public, that you would def. have told her first. Also, let her know that a private message between two people is just that...a private message. (incidently, it almost sounds like she was LOOKING for something to tear you apart)
Third....monster in laws always think you are taking away their son. The fact that mommy still has his passwords makes this worse. That means HE has to do some apron string cutting, she feels he depends on her and he needs to let her know that isnt so. She will always be his son, but now his wife is the one he will be confiding in
Good luck to you...I think you are going to need it!
2006-10-25 13:11:39 · answer #1 · answered by Cariad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truth of it is that she found out the date over myspace b/c she was reading the myspace, which she should not have been. You would have told her , but she snooped first. If she didn't want to find out in an e-mail message she shouldn't have been reading the e-mail message.
Tell her that.
Besides all Mopthers of the groom pout about the girl taking their son away.
2006-10-25 12:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by ee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that she is overreacting but believe me emotions always run high around weddings, throw a first pregnancy in the mix and everyone is going to be excited, nervous, overjoyed, terrified, etc.
Mother of the grooms tend to be overlooked a bit in the whole wedding scheme of things. However it is a relationship that you are going to have to deal with for the long term so for your own sanity it's best to be amicable even if you aren't best friends. I have a difficult mother in law and have recently decided instead of fighting and giving her attention during her tantrums by reacting that I'm just going to grin and bear it.
Here's what I would suggest. Have your fiance and you take her for tea or lunch one afternoon and tell her how upset you are that she had to find out the way she did (I know that it's all her fault but try to forget that fact during your sit down) tell her that if you could go back and do it all over again that you would have loved the opportunity to sit down and tell her to her face, that you would have loved to share your happiness with her, but of course you can't turn back time. Then put the ball in her court. Ask her what the two of you can do to rectify the situation. Say that your so happy about your pregnacy and your wedding planning and that you want only happy memories and to share your joy with her. HOPEFULLY she will feel silly for her behavior and see how big your both being and apologize or at least get over her behavior.
Good luck, congratulations, and happy planning!
Crystal
2006-10-25 10:48:42 · answer #3 · answered by www.crystalweddings.ca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She got what was coming to her for snooping. She's being all emotional and taking it out on you. She IS overreacting. If she liked you before, she'll get over eventually, and almost everyone does once there is a sweet baby in the picture.
Congratulations. Enjoy being pregnant, and being a bride. Don't let anyone ruin in for you- it's your life and its all you get.
(you could mention that those were private emails that no one else could access except her son, sooo, uh, she would have found out first and fast, if it had gone according to plan : )
2006-10-25 16:58:49 · answer #4 · answered by Holly N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you want to marry someone who's mother has his passwords? Is she going to have the passwords to your bank accounts and stuff? I'm not saying it can't work; but it is going to be difficult. Keep in mind that this is the way your life is going to be. I've been married almost 13 years and my MIL is still acting like I climbed in a window and kidnapped her baby. Your fiance is the one who needs to deal with his mother. Obviously he needs to change ALL of his passwords and not write them down since he's living with a snoop. The only way your relationship is going to work is if your fiance is strictly on your side and always stands up for you. My husband is on my side but I have a girlfriend whose marriage is doing so well because her husband doesn't stand up for her. Good luck.
2006-10-25 12:25:13 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That isn't a good way for her to find out, but that's what she gets for snooping. It's not like you sent her an email with that link.
She is overrreacting. She's probably upset because she had no say in you getting pregnant and the change of the wedding date. As if she should. Pouting is so immature. Why is she calling it "taking away her son" now?
You should really have a talk with your fiance about his mom to let him know how her behavior makes you feel. I'm sure this was a sneak peak of how she'll respond to any future situations.
You should probably let him know that you shouldn't be put under unnecessary stress in your condition.
2006-10-25 09:47:34 · answer #6 · answered by Mimi 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
yeah i think she is definately over reactting.
she had no right to be snooping through your fiance's stuff.
but at the same time the reason she is being this wa is probably because she feels like she is losing her son maybe you should both speak to her and give her some reassurance that you are not stealing her son from her but you are joining her family and bringin in a new addition to carry on the family. get your fiance to reassure her that he still loves her, but that he loves you too and there is plenty of him to share between the two of you.
she probably doesnt ean to be a grouch its just the way mothers are sometimes if they fel they are being left out of something important in their childs life you will find this out
2006-10-25 23:04:31 · answer #7 · answered by rosierotweiller 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is he and why does she have his MySpace password. He needs to change it, and then you need to tell her that you discussed it with him first because he's the one you're marrying, and she was the next person you were going to share it with because she's the next most important person. However, you weren't going to tell her before you told him, and she really shouldn't be reading his mail.
2006-10-25 12:58:20 · answer #8 · answered by calliope320 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes she is overreacting, why does she even know her son thing on this myspace messages, anyhow if he lives with you she don't have to know everything about what he does not unless he tells her his business. We as mothers should not have that kind of hold on our kids when they can go out and how down a job, pay thier bills and exspectually ( make babies ) he should have some things private by now I would think.
2006-10-25 09:51:41 · answer #9 · answered by trscl1nurse 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
She feels this way because she feels excluded of the news! She should have known first hand. So nothing that yuo can do there.
Now you can tell her that you wanted to make and official annoucement and make it special. You can explain that the myspace thing was a sput of the moment thing and that it was not meant to replace the formal abnnoucement and the surprise that you were planning.
Tell her that you wanted and engagement party and wanted her permission and help with this. She ill feel included and important!
Best of luck and congratulations in both the engament and the pregnancy
2006-10-25 09:44:18 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋