Do you know anyone with "prison mentality"? how to think for oneself?
I know someone aged 35 who is struggling to think for himself after spending years in prison where he was told what to do and when to do it. At this time he is living with his parents and since he loves and trusts them, he is influenced by their opinions rather than trusting his own instincts. After being out less than a year, he and his girlfriend (who has loved him for 16 years) are pregnant. He is trying to get his life back, attending school and persuing a career and is probably overwhelmed. As a result, he seems to be relying on his parents attitudes and opinions rather than trusting his own instincts and listening to his heart. He is a good man, better than most. Has anyone else had experience with this situation, and do you have any advise?
2006-10-25 09:29:10 · 12 answers · asked by ann m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Be gentle. With great respect, your question seems to be more about how you feel about this man than the man himself. You are clearly worried about his ability to cope. But you say he is a good man, better than most, that he loves and trusts his parents. You say he is attending school and pursuing a career, but is "probably overwhelmed".
He sounds like a decent, intelligent man, and he (and his pregnant girlfriend) will probably work it out for themselves.
Be there to offer them support, but don't worry too much.
2006-10-25 09:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 35, an ex-con, living with his parents, has a pregnant girlfriend and, by the sounds of things...no job. I don't think the only thing he is "struggling with" is prison mentality. I wonder what got him in this situation to begin with! I wouldn't be surprised to hear that it was a stupid mistake.
Although it's admirable of you to be concerned, I think your concern is misplaced. He doesn't sound like the most responsible person around. If he was, he wouldn't have impregnated his girlfriend without knowing how he would support the child. It's great and all that he appears to be making an attempt to straighten out the mess he's made of his life but he needs help with making wiser choices.
Either his parents didn't tell him to not get his girlfriend pregnant or he chose not to listen. If you are serious about wanting to help this guy, tell him to grow up, get a job, marry the girlfriend and find his own place to live.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but come on!! He's 35 yrs. old....prison mentality or not, he needs to grow up!
2006-10-25 16:51:51 · answer #2 · answered by Rembrandt11 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am glad you are a kind person and willing to help just cause you can. I can only recommend that you try to take him to movies and around other people then use the Movies and people as a topic of conversation, but do not underestimate what he has learned in prison, He has an insight on people and body language just for starters, New experiences and the ability to question things is a hard thing to give unless someone wants it. Take care and good luck .
2006-10-25 16:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by Liz H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother was never in prison, but very much influenced by the opinion and upbringing of our mother. Therefore he has never had to rely on his own opinions because my mothers mattered too much to him. I almost fell into this trap and got out before it got worse. I ended up not going to the school of my dreams all because my mother thought my career choice was very poor and it didn't fit into her mold of "perfect daughter". What I would suggest to your friend is encourage him to live on his own. Have very little contact with his parents for about a year or so and let him start making his own mistakes. As long as his mistakes are not illegal, then he is starting off on the right foot.
2006-10-25 16:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by lpogue2005 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he should start learning to trust his instincts and stop relying as much on what his parents say........what they say might not fit his situation as well or might be what they want instead of what he wants.......as long as his decisions are positive he cant go but so wrong.........it will be hard at first but good things come to those who are patient
2006-10-25 16:33:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your realtionship with this man, but try and be there for him and be supportive of his new life. Once he gains confidence he will probably start to have new ideas. Then again, he may never, and that is okay too.
2006-10-25 16:33:34 · answer #6 · answered by noambition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes the road one chooses can be frustrating, he must set small realistic goals for himself, and when done, move on with more goals, if he is truly loved my family and friends, then it will be much easier, hang in there,chin up,things will work out.
2006-10-25 16:34:28 · answer #7 · answered by PHILLIP Z 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has a good plan, a great way to get your life on track is to get your girlfriend pregnant. Sounds like a loser to me.
2006-10-25 16:31:54 · answer #8 · answered by Allinwiththenuts 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
he has become institutionalized, it will take time and encouragement for him to find his feet again. Help support and understanding is what he needs.
2006-10-25 16:31:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
advice #1 would be for him to get his own place to live
2006-10-25 16:31:32 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋