She is super jelous that I got engaged before her since she has been with her bf longer.... keep in mind he just got legally divorced.
Well, I just found out that she is DEMANDING a ring by christmas time or she is leaving. OK, she doesn't have any where to go or live, if she leaves him. She can't support herself and lives in his house pays a small fee to help with the morgage. Both our birthday are in Feb and we are both turning 30. She keeps asking me to fly to somewhere for a event. I told her I don't have vacation time or money since I am paying for the wedding myself.
She is getting really mad at me and freaken out that it's HER 30th birthday. Mind you, mine is two week after hers!
When I tell her to calm down or she being crazy, she gets mad and accuses me of not caring, because I got what I want.... (the ring). Which is untrue.
What do I do?
Just keep my mouth shut? I guess if someone is going to shoot themselves in the foot- can you stop them??
2006-10-25 08:53:51 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She has been my best friend since high school and has been there for me through some bad times. I don't want to kick her to the curb, I just want to help her. She is going through something bad and I just need to figure out what to do!
She would never ruin my wedding.... she just gets real defensive and angry about stuff. Like, she came down for the weekend and was demanding to help me with wedding stuff.... well, the wedding is a year away and the cater and everything is booked. I didn't need any help just yet but when I tried to explain it, she started to get mad about it.
2006-10-25 09:17:00 · update #1
She's ticked off that she is not getting what she wants and you're getting what she wants. Unfortunately she is taking this out on you. She hates the fact that you will have your day and be the center of attention while she sits and waits for the ring. That's why she's pushing so hard for you to go away on her birthday - even though she knows it will be difficult for you. It's almost like she is both in competition with you and testing you - weird.
Well, she has to live her life in the way she sees fit. If she cannot see that ultimatums that are not well thought out and treating friends poorly will backfire and leave her alone that's her issue I guess. Don't get dragged into her drama though. You are starting a new chapter in your life with a man that you love who also loves you. Hopefully that will give you enough peace when she gets off the deep end. Hang in and enjoy your wedding, but better yet - enjoy your marriage. Best of luck, hon.
2006-10-25 09:21:51 · answer #1 · answered by Tiger by the Tail 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say that she is jealous. She's jealous that you have the wonderful life and she doesn't. She's jealous that you have everything working out for you in your life and she doesn't. But the thing is she made her decision her way, so there's no reason for you to help clean her mess up. I think that it is unfair for your friend to ask you to spend money at a time that you need to be saving for on your wedding. She doesn't sound like she's that understanding of a friend and she's a bit immature as well. The next time she accuses you of not caring after you tell her to calm down and that she's acting crazy, tell her yes, you don't care right now and that you have enough of her selfish behaviour. She needs to see that she cannot blame you for everything that goes wrong with her. Why can't she be happy for you and leave it at that. You should focus on yourself a bit more, I understand you want to help her, but you're just one person. Nothing you do will make her happy anyways because she's jealous of what you have in your life. I have a feeling that this type of person will end up dragging you down at the end... Congrats on your engagement btw!
2006-10-25 15:07:03 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was the same way when my friend got engaged before me.They started dating 3 months later. Everything was about that damned ring and anytime we went anywhere I would burst out in tears at some point because she was waving it in my face(not literally, i was delusional). Eventually, I did the same thing..But not as psychotic, i sat down my b/f of 5 yrs and asked where he wanted the realtionship to go and what i expected. He saved up money to buy the ring and last month i found out that the money went into a joint account and im getting his grandma's ring.
The point is: sit this crazy girl down and talk to her. She isn't seeing clearly and will ruin both of the relationships that mean anything to her (yours and her b/f's).
If she's still out of control take her out of your wedding, it's your big day and you don't want her to make a scene.
I can honestly say now, I am happy for you. Before I hated people that were getting married before me but I got over that,just like she will..
Good luck
2006-10-25 09:00:30 · answer #3 · answered by Dick Tater 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you need to be painfully truthfully to her. Tell her she is acting like she is turning 2 not 30 and if she does not stop acting like a donkey you will have to find a replacement for her in your wedding. I am 31 and have some experience with wacky friends (OK loads of it). You will kick your own but if you allow her to keep hanging with you while being this way and it may cause you a lot less joy during such a special time in your life. it is apparent she makes a crappy friend.
she needs to learn that her actions DO have consequences
2006-10-25 09:08:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her that her personal issues are not your fault and that she should put no blame onto you for something that you cannot control. Tell her firmly that you cannot afford to fly anywhere and that your financial responsabilties lie primary on the wedding and that unfortunately you cannot afford additional expenses.
Tell her that you can support her emotionally and be there for her as a friend as you have always been, but you cannot incurr in additional expenses at this time and that she should understand.
What a situation! Jealousy is a bad advisor.
Good luck
2006-10-25 09:02:01 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is called wedding envy. Everyone gets it when someone close to them is getting married. My YOUNGER sister is getting married next year and I felt really jealous also when they got engaged. How long has she been with her boyfriend? Maybe she is just to the point where they have been together for a long time and if he doesn't want to get married then she figures she better get out now. Try to talk her out of it but if she won't listen then just be there for her when it all comes apart. Congratulations and Good Luck!
2006-10-25 09:23:37 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Dont react dont say anything. She is just exteremely jealous that you have a ring and she doesnt. Also it seems as if she doesnt care about her currnet bf too much since she wants a ring or else she is leaving. As long as she is with her man who cares how long it takes for him to ask her to marry him. Some people take longer to make life commitmments like that and she needs to understand that. Its not like your going around bragging to her that your engaged and that your going to get married and shes not. She needs to take a SERIOUS chill pill. And turning 30 is not the end of the world. She will be fine. Just dont really mention the wedding around her unless you absolutely have to. All brides always have that one jealous bridesmaid. the best thing to do is to keep quiet.
2006-10-25 08:58:26 · answer #7 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You know I was going through the same thing once, Before I turned 30 I was freakin out because all my friends were married and I wasn't, I got over that QUICK I'm 31 and love not being married, She's been married before, didn't work out why the Hell is she suchin a hurry to go through it again. Help her focus on all the positive things going on in her life and it should help....
She'll be just fine after your wedding you'll see
2006-10-25 08:58:21 · answer #8 · answered by graciegirl 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Try to listen to her & let her know that You care about her & so does her boyfriend. It shouldn't matter to her WHEN she gets the ring, the main thing is that she has the Man. She may be jealous of your life, but remind her that she is part of your life.
2006-10-25 09:08:42 · answer #9 · answered by Kissy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont let her make you feel bad because you are happy. Misery loves company. Maybe if she wasnt so demanding she would have gotten a ring herself.
2006-10-25 09:02:06 · answer #10 · answered by Kelli C 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋