My boyfriend abuses me verbally and i cant tell anyone because?

Question

I've know my boyfriend, well now fiance for 4 years. He started out as my best friend and then things progressed. He's had an ongoing battle with od'ing on cough medicine. He's no child, he's 25 and it's a serious addiction. HE verbally abuses me and makes me cry. He makes it out to be my fault if he has to go get them...if i would have cleaned the room...I'm currently paying all the bills too. Whenever I try and stop him sometimes I feel like he's going to hit me...he grabs my wrist really hard..pushes me into walls and doesn't care if i get hurt as long as he gets his pills. After getting his pills he may act like everythings fine...unless i get mad and then i'm just finding something to ***** about, or it's not hurting me..blah blah. He takes these pills as a box or two a day ..usually 8 at a time and then 8 more..30 minutes later...sometimes the whole box. He's had convultions, he's complained of chest pains...stomach pains..everything. I've always been right by his side to take ca

to take care of him. I stay with him regardless..because I still see the good but now i'm starting to think that he's really going to hurt me. This battle is ongooing and we fight almost everyday. I'm failing college...not making enough money at my job which is a shitty waitressing job...i spent all the money i had saved pretty much on him...so now we have one care in his name. I cant tell his mom whom we live with because it stresses her out and she'll just go back and tell him . She trys but it only results in him futher punishing me. I cant tell my family. I feel like I've overtalked my friends about it. I live in a whole different state also. We moved here a year ago, so I dont have anywhere else to go. What can I do?

thank you all for taking the time to listen. Thank you for your encouragement. These are things I know, but it really helps to hear from other woman who understand.

Answer 1

Before I ever saw "wildnights" answer, I was asking "WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE!" Hey I can understand that you love him. I understand that he need someone to help him through. I understand that he needs to be protected. But you need to ask yourself some quesions. Who is loving you while you are loving him? Who is helping you through this while your helping him through it. Who is protecting you from the pain you feel from the abuse and from seeing someone you love in pain.

You see you are in danger of self destruction as well as being in danger frome someone who is abusive. You are too close, too attached to be objective. I have had many years of experience from his side of the issue. It is great to have someone love and want to help. But the truth that most of the time a loved one cannot provide the help or protection he needs. The reason is that while you love him and want to help, you can,'t be strong enough. This is because you don't want to hurt his feelings, you don't want to make him angry, you want him to love you back.
A professional does not have these problems. A pro does not care if it hurts him in the short term. A pro doesn't care if he gets angry. A pro doesn't want him to love them back.

Do yourself a big favor. Get out of this situation. Don't give up on him. Stay in touch with him. Monitor his progress. And most of all continue to love him. But remember, you got to love him enough to protect yourself so you can be there for him when he is better.

If you stay where you are in this, when things are better you are likely to rember all that he put you through. That will likely destroy the relationship, because you will hold it against him. Then all the pain you went through will have done little except to maybe help him. That's enough I guess. But you don't have to loose him and yourself in order to help him. Do it from a safe distsnce.

I'm sorry if this seems mean, it's not ment to be, It's honest. I do wish you both the best. As much as you seem to love him I understand your need to be there every minute for him and maybe, if you're strong enough, you can make it work. But so many before you have tried and failed.

Well, I've said what I think. I hope you are not offended. Take care of him, AND YOURSELF!

Terry
E-mail: [e-mail]

Visit "Our Bipolar World" at:
http://www.ourbipolarworld.com/

Answer 2

NO woman should put up with this type of abuse. It doesn't matter if he's a drug addict, abuse victim, or what. You are an "enabler", which means that, by sticing with him and taking care of him, you are actually encouraging him to not get help. Dump him, no matter how much you love him, because that is the only thing that will make him change. Tell him goodbye; if he's sober in a year, then take him back and start over again. People won't quit drug abuse until they hit rock bottom, so the faster you get him there, the faster he'll recover. You shouldn't be making excuses for him. He's hurting you, and himself. Don't let him do it anymore.

Answer 3

Why are you staying in this abusive relationship? What is he contributing to the relationship? Does he work? You are not responsible for his addiction and if you want to have a chance at having a good life, you need to leave him immediately. You are going to get hurt; perhaps killed if you stay one minute too long. Take care of yourself and get away from him. There's always somewhere you can go, even if it is to a relative's or a women's shelter. And be sure the police know you are in a dangerous situation when you leave. The results of toxic relationships are on the news every day. Don't become a statistic.

Answer 4

he is a drug addict he will not change unless he admits he has a problem and gets help you need to get rid of him or give him an ultimatum get help or you will leave him he probably blame you for everything and might even threaten you if you leave see if you can get a family member to help you or if you feel threatened call the police i dont want to sound cruel to you but you are not helping him at all by staying with him i lived with someone who turned into an alcoholic i cared for this person a lot and he treated me the same way i kicked him out and he ended up in a mens mission were they referred him to a drug rehab program he is doing fine now i presume these pills are legal and over the counter? if so people dont realize that these pills can be just as additive with serious and deadly side effects and additctive qualities, if not properly good luck hang in their you are too nice

Answer 5

It sounds like you need to get out of this relationship ASAP. Please do not stay with this man. Do not say that you love him because you don't. You love the man from 4 years ago that is now gone and will not come back. Don't say that you can't find anyone else, yes you can and you will in due time. There is absolutly no reason for a man to put his hands on a female PERIOD. He is using you as an excuse to take the pills. He is using is as rationing for taking them. He knows it is wrong, but he needs a reason and right now you are the "pretend" reason that he has made up. You need to run from this relationship before it gets out of hand. You deserve better and can do better. Please tell yourself that you do and do not let his friends, your friends, mother, father, sibling from either side talk you out of leaving him. Please hear my warning and take care of yourself, that should be the only and #1 priority on your list. I hope this helps. :O)

Answer 6

He needs help. Seriously, even though he will never admit it. I was stuck in this same situation and had no one to turn to and no place to go. Four kids to worry about. I took it and took it until my kids were big enough to leave home. I moved away and never looked back. Now I have peace.You do have a choice! Get out while you can, before something worse happens. While you have no ties. Otherwise, he will just drag you down with him even more than he has already. So, if you have a family that will support you, Go back home, NOW. You are just enabling him by just supporting and feeding his habit.

Answer 7

Why are you with this person???
You need to find someone who will treat you well and who says and does nice things for and to you.
Do you really see a future with this person? If he has a problem then he needs to get help. Obviously your forms of help are not working. He needs professional help.
No man should ever put his hands on a woman! If he does, you should call the cops. Then maybe when he gets arrested, it will help with his drug problem.
Seriously, get rid of him! You deserve so much better! Dont you love yourself enough to leave him? He is only dragging you down! There are so many better guys out there for you! Why limit yourself with someone so hateful?

Answer 8

I was also engaged a few years back. We started out as friends and after becoming engaged he began abusing me. He never hit me either, but he was always throwing me into walls and dragging me around, or shaking me. I was constantly bruised, and I, like you, protected him. However, he wasn't on any type of drugs, his addiction was stress and I was his outlet as you're your boyfriend's outlet. My advice, knowing where you've been as far as how you're being treated, is to get out. I understand that you love him, and you want to help him. But you can't help him unless he wants help. He has to decide to get help before he'll actually know what to do with it. You need to protect you, because he is a big boy and he needs to learn to deal with himself before he can be good to you. Worry about college, and taking care of yourself, and understanding why you feel the need to stay with him when he treats you this way. Because I know after getting out of it, I stayed for me, not for him, because I believed I could help him; that I wasn't worth anything unless I helped him change. And it wasn't true, I did love him very much, but he couldn't be good to me, and that wasn't important to me at the time because I wasn't important to me. It's harsh and cold, but that's being honest. All the things he did to me, after being with him for so long, I believed I deserved. Get away from that, change your life around so that you have to rely on you and you alone. First you'll feel worse, and lonely, and helpless, and then, slowly, without noticing, the little things about every day will stop hurting, and you'll be able to look back at it, and not go back to it. If you need anyone to talk to, ever, at all, I'm here: [e-mail]

Answer 9

To put it mildly, that's an f'ed up situation. My best advice is to get out NOW. Go to a woman's shelter and get help to file a restraining order. He sounds destructive - not only to you but to himself as well, and he's likely to SELF-destruct very soon. If he wants to ruin his life with drugs (be it OTC, prescription, or illicit) that's his problem; don't make it yours too.

Tell your family; get help through a shelter, and get the HELL OUT NOW before he DOES start to hit. Just because he grabs your wrist or pushes you around does not mean that's not physical abuse. He is an abuser - of you and himself.

Find your courage, find your luggage and find a new life without him.

Answer 10

I agree with the others when they say you need to get out of the relationship.

You may want to check you the school you are attending. They probably have some kind of counseling for the students. If nothing else this will give you someone to talk to.