If ur 20, just married & were told by a doc that if u don't have kids now u may not be able 2 what would u do?

Question

I do want to have kids but not now. My doctor told me that within the nest year I either have to have kids of have all my female insides removed b/c of a medical condition. My husband also wants kids but not now either. We have consided adoption but I really what one of my own. I need to hear stuff from others point-of-view.

Answer 1

You need to explain to your husband what the doctor said. If he is not ready to have kids now then ask him if he is ready to live with that decision.
It takes two to have a child. Both of you have to be commited to this choice.
He needs to see your point of view but you also need to see his.

Answer 2

Of course, it is ultimately up to you, but I can give you an opinion from the point of view of an infertile person. Infertility is an awful experience. I discovered that I couldn't have a baby at a young age, but a lot of older women who waited to have babies until the time was perfect beat themeselves up about it later. Sometimes when you wait for the perfect time, it never comes. If you know you want a biological child, and you know you will be unable to have one later, it seems like the logical choice is to rearrange the plans you originally made to fit this complication.

Another possibility is to do IVF and have your embryos frozen. When you are ready, you could find a surrogate to carry the embryos. Unfortunately, the chance of this procedure would have less than a 30% success rate, but it is better than nothing.

I think I would do anything at all to have a biological child now. I can't imagine how I would feel if I had a chance to have a baby and passed it up. When you turn 28, and you spend every other weekend going to a friend's baby shower, it hurts. Adoption is a great alternative, but it is very expensive and complicated. If you can do it the old-fashioned way, you could be saving yourself thousands of dollars and a lor of regret on the future.

I hope that the best solution presents itself to you, whatever it may be.

Answer 3

Have your eggs and his sperm harvested and frozen.You can have a surrogate mother carry if you wouldn't be able to. I can understand your point about adoption but if you adopt a baby it is one of your own you just didn't have to give birth to it. But no matter what do NOT have a child if you both are not ready for it. I had my daughter at age 22 {married a year before I got pregnant}and my son at age 34. If I could go back I'd have waited a little longer to have my daughter because at 22 I still had alot of growing up to do. Currently Im 35 and facing the fact that I too may have to have all my female organs removed. But Im happy in my life and happy with my children. I wish you luck

Answer 4

I was 20 when I got married and I got pregnant with our daughter 5 months later. So I wouldnt say that you are to young at all if you are ready. Both financially and emotionally. Having children is wonderful. We have baby number 2 on the way. If you dont feel ready right now give it a while. If he told you with in a year maybe you will change your mind in a few months. You never know. Get a second opinion. Maybe there are other options. Pray about it. Everything happens for a reason and the Lord knows what he is doing.

Answer 5

That's a very personal decision. I had twins (unplanned) when I was 20. I was definitely too young. I mean you get through it, and learn as you go, but like I said, they were unplanned. I love being a mom, and I don't regret it, but I was too young.

Why is it that you don't want to have any right now? Why do you think that you're not ready? Do you really think that you would regret having a baby?

As for adoption, I think it's a wonderful option, and something I hope to do in the future. Yes, I know it's not the same as carrying a baby for 9 months, but trust me:ADOPTIVE PARENTS LOVE THEIR KIDS JUST AS MUCH AS BIOLOGICAL KIDS.

Good luck

Answer 6

Wow, first of all Im really sorry that your in this situation! I guess my best advice would be to consider the future. If your in college DEFINATELY make sure you're able to finnish, children or no children. After all no matter if you have your own or adopt you want you child to live well so make sure you get the education to support them! Once all of thats taken into consideration its just a matter of how badly do you want one of your own? Are you ready to deal with a child thats yours or would you be better off waiting and adopting? Personally I would adopt. Even if I didnt give birth to the child it would still be mine and I would love it as much. Maybe consider adopting internationally! My brother and sister-in-law are adopting from China after they had some complications and I cant wait for that baby to come! Good luck and Im so sorry you have to make this kind of a decision!

Answer 7

If you don't want kids now, get on birth control. Babies require a LOT of work and love, so they need to be wanted.
I was 20 when I first got pregnant with my oldest daughter. It worked out well for me, but she was planned.
When you are ready for kids and adopt, they will become your own. Having the same DNA isn't going to matter in the end.

Answer 8

The question you are not asking is what you need to hear...!!!!
"are you willing and mature enough, to understand that you will no longer have the freedom to do what you want, there will be someone else that's depending on YOU for the next 20 years (approx.) for Unconditional Love, support, affirmation, kindness, understanding, food , shelter, clothing, and to be their Mom..and to always be there..to sacrifice your dreams and desires for your child....???
Because that's what it means.
Don't let what the doctor says influence you...if it isn't in your heart to do this now....then wait.
There are allot of orphaned children in this world that will give you the satisfaction, and joy of being a mother when you are ready.
Childhood is short, so is the time to achieve (or try to)your dreams...think about it....don't just act.

Answer 9

Well thats a dusy,. but is it a medcal probl;em inside you?

you could have your eggs frozen, so they stay preseved, so when you are ready to have kids, take your eggs back from the doctor, and they can fertalize them ( with your husbands "juice" of course) That way, it will be YOUR child, and you maybe can waite a little longer.
Get a second opinion though, It's always a good idea.

Good luck though, I know I want kids eventually, but like you, not yet.

Answer 10

If it was my decision, I would go forward with the children. It was always something important to me- having my own children. Ask yourself - are you okay with adoption? Then wait because it is a wonderful option. If you prefer to have your own then go for it. You and your husband will be there to support each other. Children are hard work, but the joy of having a child is a reward in itself. I can't describe the happiness they bring.