Well I found an ex-girlfriend of mine from 12 years ago through myspace. She was the girl that I had left for my now ex-wife, but i have always regretted letting her go. Anyway i have gone out with her on a few occasions and learned that she is now married and in an abusive relationship. She as well as her husband want a divorce but neither has taken the first step to do it. I still care for her after all these years and found that she says she also still LOVES me. Should I be dating her or should I just walk away even though I know she doesn't love her current husband.
2006-10-25 07:12:56 · 35 answers · asked by bcuda27 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sticky situation. Right now I would be her friend, that's all. No physical contact until the divorce ball gets rolling. Both her husband and she may be wanting it, but for whatever reason no one has stepped up to the plate. That would be my first red flag.
Regardless of your feelings for each other, this is one of those times that you should take responsibility and act like the man you were meant to be. Be there for her, and tell her that you'll be there for her even more after she's filed for divorce.
2006-10-25 07:16:20 · answer #1 · answered by Heather S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you know that they both want out of the marriage, be there as a friend and help her get the divorce. Remain friends with her for a while. An abusive relationship is something very hard to bounce back from and not feel so clingy and desperate. Give her some time. I wouldn't call it dating, if your just friends and you haven't slept together yet. Just be there as a friend and see where it takes you. Don't rush a relationship with her. Abusive relationships are very damaging to a person mentally and physically.
2006-10-25 07:21:23 · answer #2 · answered by redheadedmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, only knowing your side of the story (and probably not the complete picture), I would say it's not a good idea to be dating this woman right now. If she truly is in an abusive relationship, her husband finding out could be a very bad thing. Could you stand knowing he hit her because he found out about you? It's not worth the risk. Even if she says she wants to be with you, be strong and stay away until she's free of him. Stay available and be a friend, but keep your distance physically until she's divorced.
2006-10-25 07:20:42 · answer #3 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't date someone who is still married. My mom was in an abusive relationship and I know for a fact that its hard to let go even in the worse sistuations....if she won't make the first step to get a divorce apart of her is still attached to her current husband. If she was really ready for a divorce she'd file the papers. If you're with her when she does get the divorce you advise her to go to consueling because an abusive relationship can have long term effects.
2006-10-25 07:22:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I must say she is still married and the appropriate thing to do is allow her space to deal with her marriage. God on the other hand can mend that marriage back together again if they want it. No you should not be dating her due to the fact that she is still married. Right now she is hurt by somethings that are going on but she is still married. You say you "know" she doesn't love here current husband? You can't say that because right now she is talking out of hurt and when people talk out of hurt they say anything to ease what they are feeling. God design marriage and sometimes we can get ahead of God and marry the wrong person. So if I were you I would back off but you have a free will to do what you want and God won't stop you. Just know that His hand is stressed out still to save you and to help you to make the right decisions in life. God Bless You.
2006-10-25 07:42:32 · answer #5 · answered by tfjfiggers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you want it work this time around, you should probably wait.
coming from an abusive relationship, she will probably be skeptical and find it hard to trust another man for a while. plus she might think, if you were willing to date her when she was married, maybe you wont have a problem cheating on her. and she might be saying she loves you because she needs a hero right now.
she needs time to finalize her current relationship instead of trying to juggle the abusive guy, and you wanting to start a relationship, and her dealing with whats happened to her. thats alot for her to deal with.
so for your own sake and the sake of a possible future relationship with her, you should back off for now and tell her when the divorce is done she should give you a call.
2006-10-25 07:24:58 · answer #6 · answered by jess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her relationship will get even more abusive, if her husband catches her with you.
She needs to get out of this relationship if thats what she says.
If she does file for divorce, then see if she is still interested in dating you.
She is vulnerable right now and you are not really sure if your the one.
Think about, you both need time to sort things out.
Stop seeing her.
A lot of things happen to someone after 12 years.
2006-10-25 07:22:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's married to an abusive man, is lying and cheating to go out with you and hasn't bothered to leave or initiate a divorce.. and she appeals to you.....why?
She obviously loves her hsuband because she hasn't taken the first step to leave him.
That said, a woman who'd live with an abusive man, and won't leave, meet another man, claim she LOVES him doesn't seem like someone healthy enough to have a happy, stable relationship with. If you lost touch for 12 years, another year while she sorts out her life won't matter. Tell her to call you when the divorce is final.
2006-10-25 07:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not deal with her because if she wants to leave him she will. She may still love him and you can get caught in the middle of her mess if he finds out. People are sick now days and it is best to be careful. You two can talk as friends but I would not look at her like a girlfriend and besides that if she is cheating even though she claims she don't love him do you think she would be faithful to you or you to her for that matter. Since you can't wait for her to change her situation to be with her.
2006-10-25 07:18:54 · answer #9 · answered by Tosha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always love when people looking to cheat or are cheating provide a lengthy back story. Cheating is cheating, plain and simple. Whether you are the one doing the cheating or the one the person is cheating with.
If you two do want to be together, she should file divorece papers and be legit and mature about it. If she's not willing to be an adult, you should be and walk away. Especially if you say he's abusive. Do you really want to anger a man with a temper by sleeping with his wife or entering into a relationship with her?
"I know she doesn't love her current husband." Do you? If she really didn't, she'd file for divorce.
Remember, what they do with you, they'll do to you.
2006-10-25 07:17:37 · answer #10 · answered by misskate12001 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋