Flirting 101?

Question

Yes, I'm married but who better to ask than the active. My husband is an incurable flirt. It doesn't really bug me but with specific people he tends to get close to and when the stalking starts. He swears there is nothing going on and when I say, "How would you like it if I did the same?" he says, "Do it!! It's harmless." So I have decided to go ahead with this idea and do it. In my single life I was a flirt galore, but now that I'm aged and married I have not flexed my open flirting muscles in a long time. With my husband my flirting can go as far as either one of us wants. How do you flirt without getting carried away? How do you start? Will I be able to do this and still save my marriage? I'm trying to understand that a fantasy life is a healthy thing and that exercising my flirting muscles can only help my marriage when I also practice on my husband. (And yes, I realize that his open friendliness and flirting was a part of the intial attraction.) Please help. Specifics are encourag

Answer 1

Well Celeste,

There are a number of considerations to make here. There is a strange phenomenon these days that proposes an amazing double standard yet at the same time suggests that "modern relationships" have changed. (I'll spare you the intro to psych lecture).

First, if your husband is encouraging you to flirt, it may be an indication that there is more going on then simple flirtation. He may be encouraging you to flirt because (its possible, and unfortunate) that he has gone beyond the boundary of flirting and knowing that you are "free" to flirt with whomever you wish is justification (in his mind) for his own actions. In other words, letting himself off the hook that hey may consciously (as well as sub), know is wrong.

Second, saying that it is purely flirting that's happening, flirting is typically (with adults) that happens without thought, its not a conscious effort. If you're husband is making a conscious effort to flirt with other women it could mean (in addition to the fact you mentioned that it's one of the reasons he "fell in love" to begin with), you may not be providing as much as he needs you too so he's looking for that fulfillment somewhere else.

A minor point with the second point, he may be subconsciously (or even consciously which would be even more worrying) hoping for or looking for an "accident" to happen in which he crosses the boundary of flirtation by using flirtation as a vehicle to achieve this.

Before you start consciously start looking to flirt with people, it may not be a bad idea to suggest counseling. Jealousy is not a vow anyone makes with marriage, nor should you feel if you are concerned with something that your needs are being passed off as insecurity. Open communication and support are the only keys to a healthy marriage (when problems/issues arise). You claim you want to save your marriage which should be a wake up call that you already feel something isn't right. If you cant discuss that with your husband in a non-threatening, yet open and supportive, environment its time to have a pro intervene.

As you're mom probably told you as a young girl, trust your gut! If you feel like somethings not right, you're probably right. If you are being made to feel as though your emotions or feeling either A) are not being addressed or B) being passed off....something IS ALREADY wrong!

Best wishes, God Bless.

-Mitch

Answer 2

Being flirty with your spouse is a good idea. It can bring some fun into the relationship.
However, do not flirt with others when you are married.
As another poster wrote, it gives people the wrong idea.
Why flirt and make someone believe you're interested when your not? What kind of mind game is your spouse playing!

He must love attention or something.

Answer 3

Well... to flirt for a lady is not difficult, through your dressings.... you do not have to use much words and body language....

to dress nice and sexy is giving onself confidence and sometimes a bitta fantasy by looking at guys and sitting "sexily"... harmless flirts i suppose...

the danger is when you go to specifics... like going out with the guy... and touching.....

as to me... life is simple... when marriage... try not to go deep relationship with an opposite sex... sometimes you do not know how to pull out...

Answer 4

well, you can start by complimenting something someone else is doing/wearing/saying and when he responds you giggle with a smile and flip you hair and then hold on to your husbands arm. this will let him know you still "got it" and that he is your one and only.

and dressing sexy when you go ut doesnt hurt. and if you find he is not down with you bareing skin tell him he should be proud to be married to the women everyone is looking at. that should get some blood pumping.

Answer 5

Point is if you are married you should not flirt with anyone other than your spouse. When you flirt with others they get the wrong ideas, thinking you want to get with them and etc...

Answer 6

I used to be just like you! For me what worked was just throwing myself in the uncomfortable and embarrassing and it always seemed to workout in some way but I still have those embarrassing memories haha but some people cant do that so I would suggest edging your way into just talk to someone your interested in and that runs in your crowd and work from there. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Try it but I would think ur heading for a divorce or disaster. If u believe in faith and trust. Y break it???
R u sure he's not getting rid of u?

Answer 8

flirting is fun and can release tension without playin away as long as never meet i say its fine xxxxxxxx

Answer 9

You shouldn't be flirting if your married period!