I pose this quiestion because I am married and I would like for my wife to take my last name; not only because it is what is done when you are married but because I have been with her for 4 yrs during the birth of her first child thats not mine, Two that are mine & helping her take care of her lil brother. Her first child doesn't have my last name but I want him to because I have been thier signs day one of him being in her and having him, so I have been fighting for that as well. I have been thier even signs her farther decided to leave. I have helped take on the responsibility of helping with her brother signs he was 11 to now he is 16 even though she states that hey I should not have because she did not ask me to But !I feel that if I am with you and we live together than I do not have to be told to do this as a man I do it automaticly. i mean it should not be hard to take a mans name for family sake ! If she is that in love with her farthers name then she should have been with him
2006-10-25 06:05:49 · 22 answers · asked by eternalgorilla 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Sorry to say, but get over it. If YOU truly love HER, it should not matter what her last name is! The "it is what is done when you are married " thing does not fly in this day and age!
2006-10-25 06:16:50 · answer #1 · answered by tweeteebrrd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, it is not that critical for me. I have been married for almost 25 years, and I really wouldn't care if there were a reason that my wife would like to retain her maiden name.
Obviously there is either a larger issue with you, or you have the misguided belief that the woman is subservient to you. She may be weaker than you physically (and that isn't always even true), but not less than your equal.
How would you feel about a society where the man had to take the woman's name? I mean, after all, the father tends to abandon the family more often than the mother, even in nature. Perhaps the children should take the name of the mother, the husband as well.
How's that sit with you?
2006-10-25 06:17:20 · answer #2 · answered by jooker 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A couple of years ago, I had the same feelings about the woman I will marry taking my name, but today I feel differently. I don't love her any more or less for the name she has or doesn't have. I don't see the point in anyone taking on somebody else’s name through marriage if you currently have or plan to have children that will carry on the legacy of the name.
2006-10-25 06:24:08 · answer #3 · answered by siohwito 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have helped this woman through a lot of hard times and are looking for a little gratitude in the form of her taking your last name. People have different ideas about taking another persons last name. In some cultures it is done or not done. Would this be so important if she showed her gratitude to you in other ways? Like helping you with your difficulties, or being more loving, or whatever? If it has been four years and she hasn't taken your last name. .. . . well, you have to ask yourself, what is more important. . . . staying with your wife and helping each other out, trying to build a life and a family, or having her take your last name? Something seems missing here, and is having her take your last name really the answer?
2006-10-25 06:21:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
THis is strangely worded. By 'even signs' you really mean 'ever since' and by 'than' you mean 'then' I think I know what you are saying. I was able to read past the other words. Your name and the taking or leaving of it was not discussed before the marriage I take it. A compromise is a hyphenated name: her father's last name and yours together as her last name. Why must you fightto gain custody ?? of the new baby? Does she not recognize what you are doing?
Seek your pastor or go to a Christian counselor. There is more there than meetsthe eye. Do not let her use you and not acknowledge you. She is having her cake and eating it too. That is not fair ot you, the children and in the long run, her.
2006-10-25 06:18:30 · answer #5 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The reason women originally took their husband's last name was because men thought of women as a piece of property. First, the girl has her father's name, and then when the father gives her away, she is expected to take her husband's last name, as if he owns her. Many women are offended by this. It is a very deep and personal choice. This is no reason to get a divorce or to not marry someone.
2006-10-26 10:00:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over it. Lots of women are keeping their maiden or 1st marriage names these days--it's easier, because there's a LOT of paper work that women have to do to get their last names legally changed.
Why don't you take HER last name if you're so concerned about it? Makes you think about it differently when the tables are turned, doesn't it? Don't put so much pressure on her. This is a free country, and it's her choice.
Talk to her about your concerns and feelings, but unless you're willing to do the same for her--and YOU take HER name--you need to drop it, because you don't have a leg to stand on.
2006-10-25 17:13:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so ignorant... "she should have been with him" IGNORANT!!!
What does her having your name have to do with any of this? If you have been there becuase you love her and for family the name doesn't matter. it sounds to me like you are controling and trying to keep her under your thumb by doing things for her. It doesn't sound like love to me it sounds like you do things for her and she allows it because she can't help it. She has 3 kids her family is jacked up and you are sitting there ranting about how much you do she should take your name. have you thought that maybe she wants to keep her name for a reason? Have you thought that even tho her father is no longer there he IS still her dad and still a part of HER family tradition? How selfish are you. I mean it is one thing to want your wife to take your name i'm sure most men do. But it is another for her to feel obligated becuase you do something for her. WHAT IS THAT?
2006-10-25 06:38:46 · answer #8 · answered by Que 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a question BEFORE the marriage. You accepted the fact that she did not take your name and/or you didn't discuss it. Therefore, get over it. Some women don't like to take the name of their spouse, for personal reasons. After 4 years of marriage and other years of dating, let it go.
2006-10-25 06:15:33 · answer #9 · answered by sillylittlemen 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So the argument you have is that it's about YOUR LEGACY. You want YOUR NAME carried on. YOU are the MAN OF THE HOUSE. Right?
Well it's good that you have stuck by her for through everything. It sounds like you love her and the family that is surrounding you. If you love her and are for sure going to be with her for the rest of your life, why does it matter if she doesn't take your name?
2006-10-25 06:17:00 · answer #10 · answered by butterfly_girl83 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋