Is it just me?

Question

I have been with a man for almost 8 years. Most of the time we are happy. But when we argue it gets really ugly. Never physical but really ugly. We both scream and I usually end up crying. His moods are horrible and then later that day or the next day he will say hes sorry and didnt mean it. But he tells me things like I'm a stupid b*itch, he cant wait until "someone better" else comes along so he can leave. He hurts my feeling really bad sometimes. I cant of course tell him that though I keep fighting until he leaves and cry when he's gone. I am just as oppositional as he is, but I NEVER try to hurt him on purpose. Can you say things like that to someone you supposedly love?

Answer 1

Unfortunately, after 8 years he is not going to change. His treatment of you is abuse - emotional abuse. It sounds as if he is a little selfish and more into himself than he is into you. He may love you, but he is more in love with himself.

I may be wrong, but it sounds as if the two of you are not married or have some other permanent relationship agreement. Have you ever talked to him about that and how has he reacted? Or is this just a matter of convenience for him?

My guess is that by the way he talks, he will one day dump you to the curb for a younger model. If he says it in anger, he is thinking it in the back of his head. You need to start preparing for that day, both emotionally and financially.

Answer 2

Next time the fights start. STOP count to 10 and be kind. Do not yell back, makes his blood roll faster. Step back and see if you can't come up with a few kind words, Like, "I guess you had a bad day too Honey, you want to sit and talk, I have a few minutes." Easier said than done. I know. Take a deep breath and try, because if you can't get along now your relationship will go farther down hill. Try to forgive. Find out what is in his heart. Try to keep the peace. Sometimes he is just venting. Help him find a new way to vent. Show him your love, if all else falls, life is to short. Start over. Find someone that will love you.

Answer 3

They say that you should really listen to someone. Now, in the heat of an argument people say things they don't mean however, you guys have argued before. Here's the phrase that bothers me: he can't wait until someone better comes along so he can leave. You've been with him for 8 years if he isn't ready to take the next step there is a good reason for that and by the sounds of it he's waiting for something better. I'd help him find that something better, by telling him it's over and walk.

Answer 4

some people are under the impression that the one the love can be hurt deeper and every thing well be OK latter .F--- that the next time he raise his voice say your not going to be part of this and leave the room if he continues turn around and say i love you to much to continue with this mean action between us .and the if he still well not shut the f--- up .pick up you stuff and go stay at a hotel using his credit card and have all your meals delivered and a face shell and a wax and a message as this is the why he must treat you if you accept anything less you well continue to have this type of thing going on with him.

Answer 5

You both apparently bring out the worse in each other. These confrontations are hurtful to you both. If you cant stem them together, then seek a professional for tips on constructive argument/settlement. However, I dont know how or why either one of you would put up with that kind of unhappiness for any amount of time, let alone 8 years?! He does like one who needs to hurt you, and there's always the possibility that his verbal assults can become physical. Please consider your own happiness and well being!

Answer 6

People say things they don't mean especially when their mad. When he says these things, you should cry infront of him so that he knows the damage he is costing, plus how does he know that bothers you when you show no emotions when he says it?? He probably doesn't mean it and if you we're to show your feelings he'll get the point that its the wrong thing to say. 8 years is a long time, you both are comfortable enough saying those kind of things, it's wrong but it happens =( Good luck girly

Answer 7

the truth is love hurts love is painful and sometimes love needs to hear somethings that it doesnt like sometimes just because you say something hurtful doesnt mean you dont love him remember love is also telling the person the truth no matter what it is. he probably loves you but do you think about what you say when you are angry most of us dont his actions should show you that he loves you and considering yall have been together 8 years that says alot about you both someone must be saying something right.

Answer 8

I've always heard that your inner most thoughts come out in your most emotional state. My husband and I argue a lot and they turn pretty ugly, but things like that don't come up. If he loves you like he says, then you need to talk to him about those words. Love can be a crazy thing, but he shouldn't ever say those things if he truly loves you.

Answer 9

8 years is a long time to throw away!! Maybe the two of you need to just go out for dinner and discuss the things in your relationsip that bothers each of you and maybe yall will be able to work things out that way..EVERYONE in a serious relationship like yours argue and fight and they are just plain out liars if they say they dont because i have been in one for almost 13 years now and we still argue and say mean and ugly things to each other, but we are at the point now that one of us will just walk away...Good luck to you in your relationship and I honestly hope the two of you will be able to work things out. God Bless Both of you!!!

Answer 10

He wouldn't be with you for 8 yrs if he didn't love you possibly that love could be fading leave him and find someone else who deserves ur love more.