My 5-yr old is gifted, but quite emotionally immature. How can we encourage her emotional development?

Answer 1

she is 5 years old.. she isnt supposed to be Emotionally Mature....

single kids often are more mature then in families where a younger sibling pulls them down to acting younger for attention.. is this part of the problem?

emotional maturity comes from self esteme building - dont dump her in day care... take her for long walks in the park.. play in puddles.. etc

Answer 2

I remember having the same issues with my oldest daughter and it was a drawback when testing for the gifted programs (emotional development and leadership are taken into consideration, too). I suggest having her try some group activities that encourage team work and responsibility. You should check with your local recreation department about sports (clinic style is better for this age), drama, dance, or what ever peaks your daughter's interest. Also, gifted children have a high range for learning music and notes, you could have her start an instrument like piano or violin. These activities will help with emotional and social development and will teach her responsibility and courtesy for others.

Answer 3

I have a 7.5 year old who has been designated as gifted. I expect that my other two children will be designated gifted when they are old enough for the school to test.

From the reading I have done on the subject, it's very normal for a gifted child to have what is refered to as "asynchronous development ." They may be intellectually years ahead of their peers, but their emotional maturity is that of their age peers, or less. (And the same can also go for their physical development.) This certainly describes my son.

First, I'd suggest making sure that your expectations of her are realistic. Are you expecting her to behave like other 5 year olds do, or are you expecting more out of her because of her intellectual abilities? Evaluate your expectations.

Since you aren't specific in your question, it's hard to know what kind of emotional development problems you feel concerned about.

It's normal for gifted kids to get upset or frustrated easy, especially when they are young.

They may know exactly how they want to make something in their head, for example, but their hands may not have the ability to cut or draw it as well as they can see it. This can be very frustrating for them. Patience is key here.

They often have a very intense sense of when an injustice has been done to them or extreme empathy for others who are hurt somehow. Talking to them about how they can write the wrong or do something to help may be helpful in solving the problem.

Talk to her about developing ways to calm down when she is upset. Drawing how she feels often helps my 5.5 year old.

Hope something here helps. If you can post again with more details about the issues that concern you, maybe we can give you better suggestions.

Answer 4

3. Locomotor3 to 6 yearsInitiativevs.
Guilt IndependenceThe child continues to become more assertive and to take moreinitiative, but may be too forceful, leading to guilt feelings.
4. Latency6 to 12 yearsIndustryvs. InferioritySchoolThechild must deal with demands to learn new skills or risk a sense of inferiority,failure and incompetence.

Answer 5

Well communication is key. When you talk to her look into her eyes and talk to her and repeat things. I have two gifted daughters who are very mature for their age.

Answer 6

Send her to public school.

Answer 7

I saw the following article and I thought it might help.

Programming Parameters for
5-to-8-Year-Old Children in 4-H
Scott D. Scheer
Assistant Professor
Department of Agricultural Education and
Extension Specialist, 4-H Youth Development
The Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Internet address: [e-mail]

Many states today have started 4-H programming for five to eight year-olds, often called "Cloverbuds," "Cloverkids," or "4-H Prep." After communicating with other state specialists, it was evident that practical guidelines were needed in Ohio for Extension programming with young children. This need to develop clear, research-based information has led to the development of 10 fundamental parameters based upon preadolescents' needs as well as educational design research. A literature review of empirical research was conducted for developing these parameters.

The purpose of the 10 parameters is to help 4-H Extension professionals make decisions regarding developmentally age- appropriate programming. The parameters are consistent with the K -3 Youth in 4-H: Guidelines for Programming (National 5-8 Curriculum Task Force, 1991) and the National Association for the Education of Young Children's position statement on developmentally appropriate practice in the primary grades, serving 5- through 8-year-olds (1988).

The goal of 5-to-8-year-old programming is to promote healthy development in children by enhancing life skills (social- interaction, self-esteem, physical mastery, making choices, and learning to learn). Therefore, the primary question for Cloverbud program developers to ask themselves is: does the activity meet program objectives to promote healthy development as outlined in the parameters below?

1) Activity based:

Variety of short term experiences.

Cloverbud-aged children have short attention spans, especially if there are distractions around them (Enns & Akhtar, 1989). The time spent in each activity should be kept at 20 minutes or less to hold their attention.

2) Cooperative-learning centered:

Activities and curriculum are done in small groups as opposed to doing projects or activities alone.

More than 600 studies have been conducted during the past 90 years comparing the effectiveness of cooperative, competitive, and individualistic environments with humans of all ages. Especially in children, it has been clearly proven that cooperative learning produces higher achievement, social skills through positive relationships, and healthier psychological adjustment (self-esteem) than competitive or individualistic programs (Johnson, Johnson, & Smith, 1991).

3) Non-competitive:

Children are engaged in curriculum activities that are noncompetitive without setting-up categories or classes that create inequities.

Non-competitive activities and cooperative learning are directly related to one another. Children have a difficult time psychologically understanding winning and losing. Feeling and fact are often merged and when children lose, they relate negative feelings to their self-worth and identity (Minuchin, 1977). Competition is almost always connected to external awards and approval. Children in competitive settings, whether they win or lose, begin to define themselves extrinsically which is a weak foundation for their developing self-concepts. Children in non- competitive environments are more likely to develop confidence, creativity, and competence than do children in competitive situations (Ames, 1981; Dewey, 1916; Johnson & Johnson, 1989).

4) Fairs are open to participation for Cloverbuds, but for exhibit only:

Children can exhibit work completed in their Cloverbud clubs or groups. It is important to make sure that it is non- competitive and equal recognition is given to all participants. This does not mean that young children cannot be given advice or tips on how to improve their exhibit or work.

5) Activities are developmentally age appropriate:

The activity should be designed at their age level (5-to-8- years-old).

Cloverbud-aged children have limitations in what they can physically do, mentally understand, emotionally comprehend, and how they socially interact. These limitations exist because 5-to- 8-year-olds are still developing physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. Some brief characteristics of 5-to-8- year-olds include deficiencies in: body control, eye-hand coordination, reaction time, endurance, sharing, taking turns, completing tasks, accepting criticisms, making decisions, understanding another person's point of view, attention span, being realistic, and thinking logically (Humphrey & Humphrey, 1989).

6) Activities are safe for children:

Special considerations must be given to ensure the safety of Cloverbud-aged children.

Many 5-to-8-year-olds are not aware of realistic dangers surrounding animals, kitchen appliances, and outdoor activities (bicycle riding, etc.). Children often do not understand adult instruction, nor the consequences associated with not following directions (Shutske, 1995). Therefore, Cloverbud activities must be low risk and safe, even if a child does not participate as directed.

7) Cloverbud activities are distinctly different from 9-to-19- year-old activities:

4-H Cloverbuds 4-H 9-to-19-year-old Program
Type of Learning Activity Centered Project Centered
Type of Instruction Leader Directed Self-study, Individual, & Leader Directed
Recognition of Standards Participation Achievement
Recognition of Goals Participation Competition, Achievement
Learner Resources Activity Manual Project Manuals


8) Curricula are success oriented:

Allow children to gain confidence and promote self-esteem by mastering Cloverbud activities.

Cooperative and non-competitive settings are ideal for children to experience success and be more optimistic about themselves. Self-esteem and optimism are by-products of doing well and being successful (Seligman, 1995).

9) Animals and animal subject matter should contribute to Cloverbud objectives and parameters:

Any animal activity should meet the above parameters and Cloverbud objectives such as promoting self-understanding (self- esteem) and social-interaction skills. Animals can serve as excellent subject material for Cloverbud curricula, although because of safety, liability, and competitive reasons some restrictions maybe necessary to maintain program objectives.

More specific reasons for being cautious with direct animal involvement are as follows: (a) children eight and under often lack the mental and physical skills for controlling and understanding the strength of large animals (Livestock Conservation Institute, 1994). Some children between the ages of 5 and 8 lack these abilities to be successful when involved with animals; (b) working with livestock and animals is the leading cause of injury in Ohio for children on the farm as compared to farm machinery, grain silos, etc. (Bean & Wojtowicz, 1993); and (c) Young children need to have the strength, balance, and attention span to adequately manage and ride animals (American Medical Equestrian Assn., 1993).

10) Activity is fun, positive, and focuses on the five general life skill areas through the experiential learning cycle:

The activity is enjoyable, not tedious. Attention should be given as to how the activity contributes to the life skills of self-understanding, social interaction, learning to learn, physical mastery, and decision making. Life skills are best attained through the five steps of the experiential learning cycle (Dewey, 1938): (a) experience - the group engages in some type of activity or experience; (b) share - the group shares reactions and observations; (c) process - the group discusses how questions are brought out by the exercise; (d) generalize - the group explores common ideas or truths about the experience; and (e) apply - the group talks about applications of the new information.

In exploring whether an activity is appropriate and fits Cloverbud Program philosophies and objectives, ask yourself the following yes-no questions:

Is it activity based and short termed?
Does it involve cooperative learning in which children work with and not against each other?
Is it non-competitive and are children equally recognized?
If Cloverbud children are involved in a fair, is it for exhibit only and are they not competitively judged?
Is the activity safe?
Is the activity developmentally age appropriate keeping in mind their physical, social, mental, and emotional characteristics?
Is the activity intended for Cloverbud children as opposed to members in the 9-to-19-year-old program?
Are the curricula success oriented? Can the children do the activities successfully?
Does the animal material contribute to Cloverbud objectives and parameters?
Is the activity fun, positive, and focuses on the five life skill areas through the experiential learning cycle?
If you answered yes to all of the questions then you probably have an excellent activity to use with the 4-H Cloverbud Program. If not, explore modifications and discuss them with other Extension professionals specializing in preadolescent education or youth development.