I have been with a man for almost 8 years. I cheated (and yes I know it was wrong) and he found it. We got past it--or so I thought--but his behavior towards me is different. He is cold and says things to hurt me, he won't spend any time with me much less be in the same room with me for longer than necesary. I still do all the things I did before--cooking, cleaning, etc.--but I know this only scratches the surface of taking care of the person you love. I do love him and he says he loves me--but hates me at the same time. I wrote him a letter yesterday because I have a hard time expressing myself in words and told him that I needed to know what was going on with him. I told him that I needed to feel like he wanted me to be there otherwise it was time for us to cut our losses. HE hasn't mentioned anything to me about it--should I ask him or wait for him to approach me about it? I'm afraid to find out what his answer will be but I need to know. What do you think? What wld u do?
2006-10-25 04:50:35 · 19 answers · asked by WonderTwit 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh, sweetie. I wish there was something I could do. I really have no advice, except to say that sometimes, we stay in relationships too long for whatever reason. And that is no good for anybody. Good luck to you, though, with whatever you decide.
2006-10-25 05:27:54 · answer #1 · answered by TheOneVersion2.0 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are the one who cheated, and part of staying together and working on it is that you will have to deal with the emotional damage you caused... it could be a life sentence for you as it is for many people who cheat and ruin their relationships. Basically it takes however long it takes him to get over it. I think you guys should go to therapy to get some help before you quit on the relationship. You can't pin this one on him since you are the one to violated the relationship. If he's mad about it but willing to still stay together, you just have to be honest and under good behavior forever until you earn his trust back... and until might be forever.
2006-10-25 04:56:56 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on. You've been with this guy for 8 years? Are you married to him? If you are not, C'mon, you're wasting your life. Even if you love this guy....anyone who says they "hate you" at the same time, is an abusive, yes abusive jerk and hasn't forgiven you, so spare yourself, and move forward!!! Yes, you made a huge mistake, but you don't have to pay for it for the rest of your life.....Men will stay in a situation purely because it is convenient, take the bull by the horns, get some self respect and move out and move on! In a year from now you will probably be a much happier person! Good Luck!
2006-10-25 04:56:29 · answer #3 · answered by favrd1 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to go ahead and ask him what he thought of your letter... if you want the relationship to work let him know... if you guys stay together he has to stop punishing for the past... assure him you have been faithful since and all... but you guys need to talk and decide once and for all... staying in the relatioship as it is now is a waste of time... you could suggest counciling if you really won't it to work and I do wish you this best of lick... I'm in a simular situation now and it hard....
2006-10-25 04:56:37 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if he feels that way you are never going to get what you want out of life. The question is not if he is happy. The question is are you Happy? Is this something you can see your self doing for the next 30 year's?? Is he ignoring you trying to put off the inevitable? I think deep down inside you know what his answer's are going to be. Good Luck!!
2006-10-25 04:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by Niecy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your guy is probably still undecided about your relationship and is trying to deal with the betrayal etc. He is also trying to punish you and get back at you the only way he knows how (though his methods sound sorta chickenshite) You don't sound very sorry you cheated. Flat out ask him - he may flat out tell you - be prepared for the worst - since you cheated you deserve it.
2006-10-25 05:10:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dear cheating is the most devastating thing to someone who really loves you, because it disturbs his spirit which has united together with yours, It doesn't mean that it is over, but he is hurt deeply by the act of unfaithfulness by you. understand its devastating to love. i would suggest to seek help in counseling, ASAP If you love him like you say then make amends to him, and tell him don't write. communication is the best way to find out how the other is feeling.
2006-10-25 05:03:44 · answer #7 · answered by andylokster01 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you don't have his respect and trust anymore. These are main components of a relationship. You both are trying to hold on to something that is broken. You need to part ways . If it is true love you both will find your way back and fix the broken pieces.
Good Luck !
2006-10-25 05:01:04 · answer #8 · answered by Cutie1524 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suppose if I made a decision to cheat I would accept the consequences. So I think I would wait until he was ready to respond instead of making demands that things be met in your timeframes.
2006-10-25 04:56:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course his behavior has changed, he can't trust you anymore and that hurts him.
Getting over an affair can take years, and you are going to have to put up with his anger, his remarks and his coldness until he can work it out for himself. You screwed up and now you must deal with the consequences if you want this relationship to work.
The letter you gave him probably only served to reinforce his anger and his hurt. Don't be surprised if he kicks you to the curb for rejecting him again.
2006-10-25 04:55:11 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋