We bring the baby to visit her every week. When she gets her, she says (very rudely, I might add), "okay, you can leave now", and repeats it often. I'm not ready to leave anywhere without my baby and that deeply offends her. She's 3 months old now and this has been going on since she was born! The baby does NOT like it there and cries to the point of exhaustion unless I or the father hold her. She'd be crying because she's hungry, and this woman would not give her back to me! I choose to breastfeed exclusively. She tells me I BETTER put her on the bottle so she can have her all day. She got angry because I didn't call every day to let her speak to the baby. She pushes pacifiers and bottles and puts her to sleep on her stomach even after I ask her not to. I've made it clear that I want to raise her my own way, but she thinks the baby is spoiled and I should let her cry. She blames me when the baby cries with her. How do I get her to stop trying to take over and back off without a war???
2006-10-25 03:44:39 · 16 answers · asked by Carla 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Pretty much it is a war already.
You and your husband both need to address your parenting styles again.
As much as the grandmother wants to be in this babies life, she has to learn her limits, unfortunitly has to learn them the tough way as the easy way was ignored.
Have to say "No, I am breastfeeding and while I am breastfeeding, she is to not leave my side" and then go on to another topic. If she argues say "Thank you for your concern but she is my child and that is how I am raising her. I'm not going to argue with you. Therefore, please respect it and not mention it again".
If she keeps mitioning it, then I suggest packing up the things and leaving.
If she places your baby on her stomach, switch her to her back and kindly remind her stomach is not the safest way of placing a baby for sleep. If she argues, just state that you welcome her concern, but you are the parent that will parent your way.
Letting a baby cry is not good for emotional and physical development. Any child development specialist will agree to that.
Her refusing to give your own child to you, is a sign to leave until she can respect.
When you do leave your daughter with her one day, she still can go against your wishes. Best to do supervised visits.
2006-10-25 08:58:59 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like this woman really loves her grandchild and wants to take part in everything and bond with the baby. She just seems to be going about it the wrong way.
I would sit her down, or have the baby's father do it and explain to her your feelings and let her know that as soon as the baby is bottle fed that she can start baby sitting. You have to do all this calmly. Other wise you will have a war....Remind her that she was a new mother once too. Also even whenever you go over there ask her to watch the baby while you are in the other room, run out the to car...whatever....it will make her feel important and the baby will not be alone with her for long....
Could it be that your baby is sensing your dislike for this woman and that is why she doesn't want Grandma to hold her.
2006-10-25 10:58:57 · answer #2 · answered by yzerswoman 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, one congrats on being able to breastfeed and 2, try pumping some milk. Trust me, its wonderful being able to have the baby around but when you and the dad want a night out, you'll be grateful she's there.
i had family members in the begining that were a bit like," okay now leave". But I know now that they know how hard it is to seperate yourself from your child, even if its to go out for an hour or so for time to yourself.
I think maybe you should try to trust that yeah, your MIL may be different but she raised your hubby and he's fine!
and if you start a "war" and things get bad between you and the dad because its you dad and baby 100% of the time and you arent setting aside time for you and the daddy... you ruin your chances of having a babysitter and you also are taking away your childs relationship with its grandmother.
Avent bottles work great, my daughter used them (she was breastfed as well) and she had NO nipple confusion whatsoever.
just tell her that if she wants to spend time with the baby alone, then shes got to respect your wishes. and babies can sense things, if she senses that you dont like your MIL and you pass her to her. Of course shes going to cry.
How I know what im talking about, i have an aunt and uncle, a foster mom, a real mom, HAD a MIL, and various friends who were like your MIL. they werent trying to offend, just help. Noone is out to take your baby away.
2006-10-25 10:53:14 · answer #3 · answered by cawfeebeanz 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your baby's daddy should have the guts to protect his child and step up to his mother!!!!
I totally understand what you are going through, and is there any way that she can come to your house instead of you going there? Then it will be YOUR boundaries....
Or maybe have a friend around when shes around, and make sure your friend tries the same thigns that your baby's daddy does to you, and you treat her the same, so then the gramma can see that you are not against her, but you really don't want anyone to take care of your kid without you!
I wouldn't even leave my baby with my husband until he was 4 months old!!! And keep up the breastfeeding!!!!!
2006-10-25 10:49:56 · answer #4 · answered by mrs. ruspee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Quit taking the baby to see her. She has to respect the fact that your the mother...not her. If she cant do that...then you need to keep the baby away until she can. She doesnt have the right to boss you around...and you shouldnt let her. I realize she is the grandparent...but that doesnt mean she should have the final say..or any say for that matter when it comes to how you raise your child. Make the babies daddy stand up and be a man..cuz it sounds like he is just letting this happen. You will have a happier baby...and you will have less stress if you just cut this woman out of your life.
2006-10-25 11:13:51 · answer #5 · answered by SKITTLES 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I too have had a lot of trouble with my in laws. So, we set boundaries...when they broke them, we stopped communicating. I think you should set boundaries with your in laws...tell her that if she says/does anything that you do not agree with for the health of the baby. Don't go over there anymore. Sometimes you have to treat them like a child too. "I am sorry but you lost your privileges. When you can show me that you won't interfere anymore, then we can start letting you see the baby again." I am so sorry you have to deal with that. Fortunately I am 1000s of miles away and it helps. Good Luck to you and be strong. Breastfeeding your baby is the only way to go...Good for you! Plus it will keep the baby from ever having to leave you for long. All the luck to you!
2006-10-25 10:58:16 · answer #6 · answered by jamiasl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is simple. Don't go over there. You said my babys farther not my husband. So you have no obligation to go over there. Tell your babys father you will not go back to her house until she apologizes for the way you have been treated thusfar and she agrees to help raise the child the way you have chosen. I didn't wean my daughters until age 2. But had them on a cup at one year. So She can wait until the baby is at least a year old.
2006-10-25 11:50:30 · answer #7 · answered by Liz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your baby and you need to stand up for how you want to raise the baby. Does the baby's dad agree with you? Does he say anything to his mom? Maybe next time you go over to her house you shouldn't bring the baby. Just sit down and talk with her about your wishes and that she needs to respect them. If she can't then the baby will not visit as much.
2006-10-25 10:50:35 · answer #8 · answered by momofmodi 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Simple stop taking your daughter over there until this woman realizes that her child is grown and its your turn to raise this one. She can offer her advice but it may not always be warranted or respected. If shes doing such things which could potentially harm your baby (sleeping on stomach which is recommended against due to SIDS) then she should not be caring for your child. Whats more important at this point, her feelings or your childs safety?
2006-10-25 10:49:24 · answer #9 · answered by camoprincess32 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like grandma likes to rule the life of everyone.
perhaps next time you go over and she says you can leave now, do exactly that. take your baby from her arms and say ok we will leave now. and leave.
dont go back again for 2 weeks instead of one week and see if she says it next time. if she does same thing leave again and dont go back for three weeks.
im sure she will soon get the message.
this is your child not hers. you do what is right for you and dont let her bully you.
OR
bubby's dad could go and visit his mum on his own and point out to her that she is being upsetting to you both and you will not bring the baby to visit if she doesnt stop.
2006-10-25 11:05:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋