Help! In my family meaning my mom and dad before I got married it has always been traditional to go to both in laws for thanksgiving. One would do lunch and one would do dinner. Now that I am married my mother in law thinks of the whole idea is crazy and is having a real hard time with it. She thinks we should celebrate with her one year and my family the next. I am very close with my family and would like to spend every thanksgiving with them even if our time is split. Do you think it is wrong or rude to do this? Do any other families do this?
2006-10-25 03:39:18 · 31 answers · asked by BabyDolll128 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, it's not. But, you will be uncomfortably full.
2006-10-25 03:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not rude unless the person whose house you are leaving is offended. Now your mother in law is trying to be conrtrolling she probably wants her son their with them as that's how it was for years but your parents want you home also. It's hard for me as I've been through this my kids are grown and have 1 has a husband and the other 2 have serious relationships on Thanksgiving they come to my house either 1st or 2nd depending on the time I serve dinner. i try to accommodate the other families and luckily my sons GF's family has thanksgiving the day before because of these same reasons and then they go visit other families. Do your parents and in laws live in the same town if so you could try having dinner at your house and inviting both families or everyone could go to one or the others house and just bring food or arrive early and cook together. I don't know why families insist on creating havoc on the holidays it should be a time of love and family getting together not dividing and making people choose between one anothers family it just causes problems especially for the couple. Hopefully this will help remind your parents and tell your hubby to remind his that you are all 1 family now and can have dinners together if i cook at my house I invite my daughters mother in law and she probably enjoys not cooking and sometimes she shows up and sometimes not but it's ok. the one thing to do is not to miss seeing family. Of couse my kids think only myself makes the best food so when ever they get home on thanksgiving day they will eat and enjoy even when they ate already. this past Thanksgiving i insisted that everyone have dinner at our house as we switch off and all go to each others house but i wanted to make sure everyone was together at the family table Thank god for that as it was the last big dinner we would share as a entire family because my oldest daughter was murdered less than 2 weeks later we were all so blessed to have had that family time and the pictures we can share and cry over help at times because we do have that memory of us all being at home together as one including inlaws.life is too short and we never know if we will be here tommorrow so live each day as if it may be the last time you will see a loved one
2006-10-25 03:52:18 · answer #2 · answered by katlady927 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is rude and I feel this is a good compromise to spend the holiday with both families. This way you are giving the same amount of time to share the holiday with both families. The in-laws have their Thanksgiving around noon, so my family goes there early enough to watch the parade and visit until around 2:00 pm. I prepare Thanksgiving dinner in the evening for my family and serve around 6:00 pm. At the end of the day we can relax and watch movies. This has worked out great for us for years. In time, I think your mother-in-law will get used to the idea of sharing your spouse with your family. This will be hard for her the first couple of years, but she will start feeling differently as she learns to share this time together.
This is how we handle the Christmas holiday, we celebrate all day long on Christmas Eve and the family goes to the in-laws on Christmas Day.
2006-10-25 04:24:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not rude at all. I think it is rude to spend time with one family one year and the other family the next year. Having split time with both families is the best in my opinion. You are getting to spend time with both families and no one gets their feelings hurt. That is how my family does it. We have lunch with one side of the family and dinner with the other. Then you get to spend time with all of your family. She is just being selfish. It makes no sense to me to see one family one year and the other the next year. So I think she is being crazy. A lot of families have split Thanksgivings and make it work. Everyone wants to spend time with their families and the split makes that possible. Good luck I hope everything works out for the best!
2006-10-25 03:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by cowchic9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that no family should be omitted during a holiday.
Perhaps you can do dinner at one house and go for dessert at the next. There has to be a compromise here and you and your husband have to make it.
Don't forget he has a family who wants to spend the holidays together also.
You should alternate where you have the dinner each year and where you have the dessert....
This way everyone gets to visit and enjoy each others family and is the best of both worlds...
It is not fair to either family to single one out and only visit them alternate years...
If they are not happy with this....it is unfortunate, but you are doing your best, even tho for some people that is not enough... They want everything their way.
This is yours and your hubby's life and you both should be making the decisions not them...
2006-10-25 03:50:08 · answer #5 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been doing it every major holiday for the last 2 years. I say if you're happy with the tradition, don't change it. If your ma-in-law doesn't like it, sit her down, and tell her that while you love her, and love being a part of her celebrations, you also love your own family, and need to spend time with them as well. If she still isn't being understanding tell her, look, family means a lot to me. I don't want to look back years from now, and wish that I had spent more time with them. I don't want any regrets about people I love and care about. Let her know that if she makes you choose, she will be most unhappy with your choice.
2006-10-25 03:43:58 · answer #6 · answered by rmdndangerous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, too many families require you to be at their thanksgiving dinners and its too much pressure. they should understand that and not give you grief over it. my family does it a lot different...we celebrate all the holidays but we do it at odd times like either a week before or a week after just so we can enjoy the time together and not put pressure on those that have other obligations...its more about the family time than showing up on a specific day every year.
2006-10-25 03:42:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thanksgiving is more than just eating: it's about sharing time with the ones you love and are thankful for!
Simply explain to your mother-in-law that, while her food IS exceptionally delicious, you want to share this special day with all the people you love. Let her know that you'd also miss her on those off-years, that you'd hate to only see them every other Thanksgiving and that you look forward to seeing them every year.
Hopefully she'll look beyond the turkey and pumpkin pie and realize it's not all about the food...
2006-10-25 03:52:14 · answer #8 · answered by dragonwing 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's rude at all. Most of my friends do that and every year my Nephews come for lunch and then go to their in laws for dinner. I think that's the only fair way to do it for everyone involved. Your mother in law is being stubborn. Explain to her that it is important to spend time with both families on the holidays and you hope she will undersrtand. If she doesn't it's her problem...not yours.At Christmas we spend Christmas Eve with my family and then drive to Atlanta for Christmas day with the in laws. It works out well for everyone.
2006-10-25 04:39:24 · answer #9 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything wrong with her idea. One year with her family, next year with yours. How about ALL of you getting together for dinner? That way both families are together every year, just meet at the different homes. Don't your in-laws get along?
2006-10-25 03:44:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No I do not think you are being rude at all. I do think that your Mother-in Law is being selfish.I realize that it is difficult to try and accomadate two huge meals on that day but you seem to want to try and see both families. The big issue is where does hubby stand? But I think you are right in going to both places and sharing with both families.
2006-10-25 03:45:07 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋