Finally he told me he is dating someone. We been together over 20 years on and off. I tried to moved on but he keeps walking into my life(well I let him in) I thought that we could work things out, thats the impression I got. I dont blame him for moving on but I do blame him for the games. Is it normal that I want to hate this man?
2006-10-25 03:28:47 · 13 answers · asked by Licy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I know ur situation all to well and let me be the first to tell you that most hate derives from being hurt and most hurt is caused by the ones that we care about the most. Please dont mistake that comment of being negative or that people should not care about others because I am in no way implying that. However, when we care about someone and they hurt us, it hurts so much more because we invested so much trust and emotion for that person only for it to be thrown aside like it didn't matter at all. I have just recently gotten divorced and my ex is such a scumbag for the games he's been playing with me. The day the finalized divorce papers came along, he told me about how he still loves me and that he wanted to start dating again. I told him that we could do that so long as we took it very slow (should've known better bc he spit the same lines to me a few months ago as well). That night we had slept together (which we have done from time to time since separating) and after that BAM! nothing. I didn't hear from him and then when I did see him for my daughter's birthday, he told me that he had changed his mind and that for right now he didnt think it was a good idea for us to date. However, I found out that he's got a girl and did the whole time he was trying to get with me...(which on some level provides a sense of security bc our divorce was on the basis of his constant infidelities and im happy I divorced him bc he hasnt changed and is doing it to someone else now). My stupid idiot self slept with him quite recently too, one night when I had had one too many to drink and this time it appears that he has axed the whole dating idea and wants to keep me on the side for a booty call...I made a mistake with my drunken fling with him but Im not about to do that again and be on the other side of what had caused me so pain throughout our marriage. Obviously, I still on some level have feelings for him and knowing now that he is with some other girl hurts me a lot but we are divorced and I can't blame him for moving on either. I think it hurts more bc I kept taking two steps forward in getting over him only for him to come around play his games causing me to take two steps back. He used his words to get what he wanted while having absolutely no reverence for my emotions and the pain that he could cause by playing his games. Do I hate him? No, but sometimes it feels like I do and I would say that more or less the feelings that feel like hate are more or less frustration and resentment. Frustration at myself for being so gullable and stupid to fall for his games and then resentment towards him bc he knew that I still cared and used my emotions to satisfy his own selfish needs. Now I don't know the extent of the games that this guy has played with you but I do know that if he's hurt you and is now seeing someone else, you should probably count ur blessings and be happy that you are without him. Let that chick carry the burden of being with that guy and be content with the fact that you no longer have to worry about him. You are on your own and although it does hurt esp when you see that the person you have so many emotions for has moved on, it might be just the awakening that you need so you can as well. Someone will come along and give you the love and respect that you are willing to reciprocate and deserve. However until then, focus on you and making yourself happy. Try doing new hobbies or pursuing old interests like taking a class a local college, joining a book club or some other group,etc that will broaden your social network and expose you to new people or whatever will enrich ur spirit and keep ur mind off of that idiot. Always having the support of friends is family is good and if you dont't (and even if you do), try writing in a journal to vent out any lingering feelings. Trust me, if anything his seeing someone else is giving you the opportunity to move on with your life and to quite possibly move closer to finding the one that is right for you. Good luck and please remember that you are better off without him and that these feelings are temporary and if you feel like hating him...its ok and completely normal..I definitely don't blame you for it...Whatever keeps you from his games is better then being a fool feeding into his bs...Take care:)
2006-10-25 03:55:51 · answer #1 · answered by serenity113001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not hate him, because you will be hurting yourself, just learn from this experience, and you need to move on. Yes it is going to be hard, and you are going to be thinking of him, from time to time. wondering how he could do this to you. Well he did, and this should give you more reason, to forget him! Keep yourself busy, get involved in activities.show him that you can move on. Start to work on you, being nice to you, doing what ever makes you happy!
2006-10-25 03:38:01 · answer #2 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely. I would hate him too. You sound like Carrie from sex in the city when she talks about Big. If you are having a hard time moving on, try a dating service like it's just lunch.
2006-10-25 03:33:51 · answer #3 · answered by SweeT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it's time to walk away. If he's with someone else now, I wouldn't even consider going back. I';d consider it cheating if he led you to beleive you two could work things out. Move on with your life, there's always something better around the corner :-)
2006-10-25 03:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by Christina C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than normal....BUT he has made it clear that he is not going to be with you so now it is time to honor that and yourself and make a life without him....move on, start over and do not waste another minute on this man
2006-10-25 03:31:23 · answer #5 · answered by Emme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
20 yrs a perfect example of why you don't need to invest too much time into one relationship.
Don't hate him, just learn from this, you can dislike the way he handled your heart.
It's your time to move on and find your true love.
2006-10-25 03:36:48 · answer #6 · answered by Bubbles 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes sounds like he's put you through alot. That's what i hate about relationships all they do is make two people who like each other gradually start to hate each other.
2006-10-25 03:34:44 · answer #7 · answered by Kayla E 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it isn't wrong because he don't know what he wants he think he can go from house to house and be two people at one who want you but he wants who ever else is involved to so try not to think about him as much he isn't worth brakin your heart.
2006-10-25 03:36:17 · answer #8 · answered by Beunikia C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to work out your feelings and get on with your life.
Your feelings are normal.
2006-10-25 03:41:36 · answer #9 · answered by Axeman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think it is normal to hate him!
2006-10-25 03:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by kisme86 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋