I don't get it, making guys wait to understand if respect is present?

Question

The idea that guys should wait for sex in order to show respect, I don't understand it.

I'm sorry but waiting and showing respect in my book are not directly linked ! Either a person is either

a) respectful of others feelings, property, themselves etc
b) a disrespectful person and a cheat.
c) somewhere between (a) and (b)

Surely there are better ways of finding out if someone is respectful or not, this doesn't seem a good test to me. It seems extreamly unreliable and fraught with error.

I presume you women have other ways of deciding whether a guy is worthy of your love or not and you are not too reliant on this waiting rule

Furthermore I'm concerned that women are using this test, and then realising that the guy is a nightmare and then blaming the whole of mankind as a result instead of blaming the tests that they used when they first went out with the guy.

Hope it's not too heavy, but your views please!

Sorry Pamela, didn't mean to offend just to open up the question and get to some deeper levels of understanding and I get all your points, they are very valid.

I am a little concerned though that this is the only test of respect because to me I guess I believe that respect is probably the most important thing in a relationship after love.

Also, I am a very respectful guy and women in the past (touch wood) typically don't withhold from me (touch wood) but I do mix in some circles where there are a lot of players and some of the women are just so naive.

Probably trying to protectively educate with this question.

Answer 1

A man can very well wait for sex and still not respect you. I wish people will stop using this as a way to measure someone's respect. If you and a person have a strong sexually chemistry does that mean the person doesn't respect you? NO. Respect can not be earned by holding out for sex. I think guys pretty much know what kind of woman you are when they met you. If a woman has to use sex in order to make a man respect her:That doesn't say much about her in my opinion. Women: Please stop doing this you may miss out on a good guy by trying to make him respect you. If he truly wants to be with you how long you wait does not matter. waiting. I'm in no way saying jump in the bed with every man you met, I'm just saying don't fight chemistry because you want him to respect. Gain his respect in other ways!
Good topic a lot of women need to know this!!!

Answer 2

I see no need for tests of loyalty or respect or other types of silly games that wastes the time of all concerned...but there is a basic truth and it is this

Real respect and real love does not automatically "appear" magically from the air between two people. It may seem to sometimes but generally speaking this is an illusion. Both trust and respect rely upon a mutal exchange of honesty and mutual concern for the well being of the other.

This can not happen instantly, it takes time. Time for people to begin to know eachother, time for them to forge friendship and affinity. That is why it is always best to wait until a relationship has evolved to at least this stage. Even the most casual sexual meeting should contain respect and honesty if nothing else on both parts in order for it to be unharmful.

The best kind of sex requires something in which to grow and that substance is trust at the very least that should be present, even if the ideal of love is not there. When you trust somebody you can relax and feel safe and this will always enhance any sexual encounter. You can not feel safe and secure or build trust with somebody you recently met. To argue otherwise is delusional and a rediculous notion. This is why time is important.

S
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Answer 3

It's not the ONLY test of how we measure a guy's respect. But it's safe to say, if he won't wait around for a couple months, then he's only after one thing- so some girls will put him to this test to make sure he is interested in her as a person as well a sexual object.

Also, not all girls are only waiting for this reason- you need to feel comfortable with someone, and that can take time. It's not always game playing!

I've waited with some guys. Not with others. Same as most girls. It just depends really, but we don't put as much improtance on it as you seem to think... how old are you? I think younger people tend to worry about all this more, sex is a much bigger deal when you're 17.

Answer 4

Maybe if 95% of guys didnt go out with a girl purely for sex they wouldnt feel like this,but sadly it happens.
I dont think this is the only the criteria they are looking for when they wont sleep with a guy straight away,its just that if they do respect theyre feelings about waiting, and they still stick around it shows they will respect them in other ways too.
When you first start seeing someone you dont know what kind of personality they have for a while and the sex thing is usually the first sign that gives a hint of his persona.

Answer 5

life - you appear to be an educated and respectable kinda guy from previous answers so Im baffled as to how you have this outlook on women witholding sex from men.
First off - it most certainly isnt a test - its merely a woman having self respect for herself - trust me many a woman has given it up on the first date only to be branded a **** by the man and never to hear from him again - so by not jumping into bed with a man is our way of holding onto that level of self respect.
Secondly - Im sure that if you were to date a potential girl - you would feel more secure in the fact that you were not at risk at contracting every available disease and std going due to the fact that she jumps into bed with every guy shes ever dated.
A genuine guy - which Im sure you are- would understand a womans point of view on this - the more women a man sleeps with the bigger the stud he is - yet when women do it - they're sluts and whores. xx

Answer 6

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Answer 7

I think it's good practice to wait at least a little bit before diving into sex. If nothing else, it helps to establish familiarity with your partner before becoming more intimate.

While I agree that there are other ways to determine if your partner is respectful and worthy of your devotion, I have to give props to the ladies who do wait. I think it's very virtuous not to hop into bed with every Tom, Dick (hehe) and Larry they call their boyfriend.

I think it's concerning that men put so much stock into sex (admittedly, not true for some, but true for the majority). Yes, women are also prone to being heavily sexed, but are also more prone to being picky about their sexual partners. But it should not be taken as an insult - it's simply a way to determine the suitability and seriousness of a potential mate.

Answer 8

I been on both sides of this argument....I felt the right guy will love you and respect you no matter what....

Recently, I feel I messed up by sleeping with Mr. Right, after a month of dating, and I didn't keep his interest...Men are all about the hunt and they lose interest after they feel they "Got You".

Now I feel, if a guy loves you he will wait for you to be ready and those that don't wait will get lost and save you the heart break. I was say 80% of the time a guy is not looking for a wife or Ms. Right, he just looking for Ms. For the Night.

-Jade in Maryland

Answer 9

waiting til the women is ready is showing respect for her and the relationship. showing her you are there for more than just sex. this is a good test because the more men push for sex in the relationship its proving to the woman that he is only there for 1 thing. besides i wouldn't want any person to have sex with i want to make sure i like/love the person and that he appreciates me,my body and my beliefs. also sex is way better when wait for it. (all good things come to those who wait) now if a man wants to wait it is such a bigger turn on for women and they see that sex gets better when they wait. try it!

Answer 10

I don't think its necessarily a respect thing more of an interest thing.

If you sleep with someone straight away you will never know if they are only interested in one thing, but if you keep them waiting and they still seem interested in you it means it could be something worth while.