I NEED to know if I have a ligitimate comlaint...?

Question

my mom rolls her eyes if I ask her to watch my kids (for even an hour) The woman does nothing all day. HAsn't worked a real job in over 30 years (she is 54) She fills in as a daycare sitter 3 days a week for her friends business. I am staying with her until my husband comes home from active duty (military) I need to rely on someone for childcare because I like to work. Yet when I do ask her I get "again" or " I just watched kids all week!" ( 3 days remember) My kids are not brats, they are funny sweet kids...they are not the problem. My issue is, in my time of need, is she being selfish? or am I?

I work weekends only. mom in law offered to take kids each weekend so that I can work and so they can spend time with their grandkids. And they don't want money. They are the GRANDPARENTS. You don't charge your family members to help you out or to spend time with them! My views are not "askew" Mom has been living her own life since I was 13 when she declared it was "her time to live". I haven't relied on her since that time. HOwever...at this point in my life, I need help. My husband before he left re-did her entire kitchen by himself from new cabinets, rewiring, new windows, to new floors etc. we maintain her yard for her etc.I DO things for her because she lets us stay there. I don't think I am asking my kids grandmother too much to spend an hour here or an hour there with them. For me. She doesn't watch them when shes' home (and I'm home) I stay in the finnished basement (which my husband finnished for her) with the kids and do not bother with her. I should have been clearer before

Answer 1

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. However, your mom does have her own life and shouldn't have to raise your kids, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Just make sure not to take advantage of her.
On the other hand, those are her grandkids!!! I am a military spouse as well and we live 1100 miles from my parents. Needless to say that my parents don't get to see their grandchild but maybe once or twice a year. On one of my husbands deployments I went to stay with my parents for 3 of the 6 months he was gone and my parents LIVED IT UP with my son. They knew that this was a special opportunity for them and did all they could to help me out and spent as much time as possible with my son. My parents still look back at those three months with wonderful memories and they wish they could re-live it again.
Your mother sounds a bit ungrateful of this opportunity and may regret it in the future.
Maybe try for a while to always get someone else to watch them and don't ask your mom at all. Stay on top of everything your kids need and do it all yourself. I know it will be stressful. But maybe after a while your mom will realize she misses them and feels left out and may offer to start watching them again for you.
Good Luck, I feel for ya.....

Answer 2

First, you say your mother hasn't worked a real job in over 30 years. Since when has being a wife and mother not a real job? Also, she's currently working three days a week at a daycare. But that's not a real job either? I think your view of reality is a but askew!

Second, you "like to work" but is your job a necessity? If you need to rely on someone, then rely on yourself to find someone to watch your children. You should not be using your mother as a baby sitting service. I'll bet she gets paid for the three days that she's working at the daycare. Have you offered to pay her for watching the children or even rent for staying with her? Your husband is military which means he earns a living stipend... where's that money going to?

Last, just because your home with the kids doesn't mean that they don't want Grandma's attention. She may feel like she is watching kids all week. Yours and the ones at the daycare.

In short, yes, you are being selfish. You expect your mother to watch the kids and have not taken into account how she feels or her wants. I suggest you find an alternate child care situation and re-evaluate how you're using your mother!

Answer 3

Well I don't feel that your being unreasonable at all BUTand this is a big BUT...you cannot expect your mom to take care of your kids just because she doesn't do anything else. It's not her responsibility and she has the right to say no. Maybe you should find a daycare or a friend that can watch them. You could possibly work somthing out where your mom watchs them X amount of days and then give her a break and have someone else watch them on the days she tells you she cannot. I know it's not stable but you can't really expect that of her. I know how you feel because I live with my mother and she gets mad when I ask her to watch my son just to get in the shower because she's "busy" doing what I dont' know but some people are just like that and aren't going to change.

Answer 4

rFirst, you must realize that your Mom wants to have control of her own life. You need to sit down with her and ask her if she can take care of her grandchildren on a regular basis. If there is a plan she won't resent it. Don't put her in a spot, maybe you need to have the kids go to daycare for most of the week, but be with her one day a week. She doesn't want to be taken advantage of or taken for granted in this situation. I know, because I am a grandparent and our daughter has wanted to just "drop off" the grand kids.

You must remember that, you Mother loves you and your kids, but she needs respect.

Answer 5

No you're not being selfish. It sounds to me as if she is tierd of kids. But there her grandchildren so no matter what she should want to spend time with them when ever she can. That's how mine are I don't know what to do but find someone else to watch them you don't want attitude or this situation to ruin the relationship you and your mom share.

Answer 6

Move out, or get into military housing. I'm sure the military women help each other out.The kids don't need the conflict and your mom don't need the reminders about what all you and your husband done for her.DRAMA

Answer 7

I would say that she needs to be more supportive for you. Check into assistance for child care outside of the home. A lot of military people will qualify. It will do you good to get out and your children good to be around other children.

Answer 8

i can see both points of view. until your husband comes home you need kid help, and your mom feels like she is your free nanny. mabey you should pay her for her help that way she doesnot feel like she is bieng used. or find another baby sitter if she doesnt want to do it all the time.as much as she loves her grand babies mabey she just doesnt want to be the only help you have. i hope this works.

Answer 9

You are being selfish. She has raised her children, now its time for you to raise yours.

You have made your choices in life...marrying a military man, having children, etc. It is unfair of you to expect her to rearrange her life to accomodate for the choices that you have made, especially since she's already letting you live with her.

Answer 10

Well, it's really not her responsibility to watch your kids anyway. Yes, she is your mom & she should help but, nope I really don't think it's a ligitimate complaint. Either loosen up your schedule for your kids or just suck it up w/ her remarks.