Tackling the wedding invite list? Any advice??

Question

I have been dreading this..... We can only have a 150 max at the place, and I would like to cut it down to 100 so you figure 125 invites.... I have a big stack of my relatives and his to go through and start cutting out.
What's your best advice for getting through this!?
Anyone have a system? :)


FYI- we already cut out children under 15. (please don't make nasty comments or lecture me, it's my personal choice not to have children there.)

PS- Is it rude to invite people without dates?? My FI has a lot of single friends who are not in relationships, I really didn't want to let them bring dates. We are paying almost $100 per person and I rather have more family there then some girl they meet at the bar last weekend. What do you think?

Answer 1

Congrats to you for stepping up to the plate and standing behind your choice not to have children in attendance! Now on to the rest of the list...the first thing to do is go over your list and highlight the people that you could not possibly EVER get married without them being there (i.e. parents, grandparents, fave aunt) Once you have that accomplished the list should be pretty easy...great aunt so-in-so doesn't really have to be there, nor does that cousin that you only see twice a year during holidays or other special events. Being that the price is a little high, you can also leave out those that are single or not in a VERY serious, steady relationship.

Answer 2

Cutting friends and relatives, that's hard. I would suggest making a list of importance to you. By that I mean you take the part of the list that's yours and your fiance take the part of the list that's his and order them from most important to least. Then you can start cutting people from the bottom up. You can just send those people that got cut a wedding announcement after the fact. If they find out about the wedding and want to know why they aren't invited they will probably contact one of the sets of parents anyway. Just tell your parents to let them know that they hall only seats 150, and there just wasn't room, although I doubt anyone's feelings will be hurt.

Another way to cut people is to cut friends you haven't seen in 2+ years. Odds are if you haven't seen them in that long they aren't close enough to go to your wedding. Just send them an annoucement too.

As for the kids and dates I think you have the right idea. There is no rule that says you "have" to have kids there or that you "have" to let people bring dates.

If anyone asks you why just be honest. The room only holds 150, max, and you don't have room for kids or dates. Tough. Note: You will probably still get a rude person (or two) that brings a child or date. So make sure you figure that into the final count. Also, make sure that when you word the names on the envelope you only put who is invited:

EX:
If you wanted to only invite parents and not children word it like:
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (outer)
John & Jane Smith (inner)
Just make sure you don't put the kids' names on it.

If you want to only invite a single person w/o a date word it like:
Miss Smith (outer)
Jane Smith (inner)
Don't add a "+1" to the invite.

You might want to take into consideration that if one of your (or his) single friends won't know anyone at the wedding (other than you or he) that you could let that person bring someone.

Answer 3

I applaude the no children under 15 rule. I would say close friends and family. So no one that you havent talked to in the past year should be invited. Unless certain exceptions apply (Military / Deployed individuals etc.)
Also - maybe think about "upping" some of the gifts on the wedding registries you have. That may put you both at ease, with a bit more balance to the cost of the wedding. (just a thought)
I have gone to a wedding stag before, with other freinds and family, and it was still a great time. I went because i was FRIENDS with the Bride and Groom. So inviting friends that are single shouldnt be a big deal. If they want to bring a date, then they better look at the reception, other than that, they shouldnt care, if they are friends with the Groom or you.

Youre wedding you make the decisions, what you and the groom says " GOES!"
Congrats

Answer 4

I would say the first thing you should do to tackle the wedding list is to create 4 lists. One list for your parents, his parents, you, and him. You will find that many names may be duplicated on many of the lists. After this you should look into those that are only on one list. Maybe they shouldn't get an invitation but an announcement of the wedding itself. Also keep in mind that you will not need individual invitations for every person this will cause an overflow of invitations and is a waste of money. So please count couples as one. It is not rude to invite people without dates. Many people come to wedding stag these days so that they can find a date. Remember how you address the invites as well when you say, for example, John Smith and Guest. Respectfully, you should find out the name of the guest and include their name on the invite as well. Sometimes and guest can be a problem cause some people have 5 guest that you have to pay for and didnt intend on doing so. I would also try to invite those that have been dating for at least 3 months but this may cause some confusion among others. It is your day, you can do whatever you want. Remember they are there as support not to belittle you or make you feel bad on your special day.

Answer 5

Here's an idea you may want to consider. When I got married, I ran into the same problem. We cut out children under 18 yrs. of age. As far as friends go, your FI does not have to invite everyone he knows, just closer friends. If a person is in a relationship with someone for awhile, i would send the invitation for them to bring a guest. If not, just invite the person. You or your FI could explain this to the single person. Most people who are just dating people here and there should understand. I know this is a very stressful issue, but it worked for me. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Like you said, it is easier to invite the single friends without dates. There is a way (I'm not really positive regarding the etiquette) to invite single people and ask them not to bring a date. As for the relatives, cut out the most distant ones first (the 5th cousin, 4 times removed) and things should get easier as you go along. There are wedding etiquette books that can help better with your list...if you ever have time just go to a Barnes and Noble or Borders and relax with a book for a bit...makes notes of everything and take the notes back to your stack of relatives. Just make sure you and your fiance do it together...

Answer 7

When i went through this we set up a few rules. If any of our friends were not engaged or in a serious relationship we knew about then they did not get to bring a guest. We also did not allow any children of any age except the two ring bearers. We did not invite family memebers who we have not spoken to in over two years and in some cases over one year. We thought of it like this this is our specal day and we only wanted the people there we felt close to friends or family. We aren't getting married for anyone else and this isn't a show, so not everyone needs to be invited. Good luck i know it is a hard decision to make.

Answer 8

we ended up having about 130 people but we invited 150 i think. with the cost at $100 a plate I would be cutting a lot more!!! i think not having kids there is fine, and if people are insulted they should just skip the wedding. as for the single friends - trust me even if you address the invite to one person chances are they will bring a date. we had a few people send back the reply with an "and guest" added to it.

invite people who mean a lot to you. why invite a relative you met like once in your life? this is your day after all and you shouldn't feel bad about having to limit the amount of people there

Answer 9

I know people to have have had no children at all at their wedding Also you should do it by your budget can you afford to have tons of people there because $100 per person gets exteremely costly. For 100 people your paying $10,000 so they can eat. You should ONLY invite people that know you very well and that you feel fairly close to. Family memebers are going to have to realize that you cant invite all of them to your wedding. You also probably have friends you would like to invite as well. I dont think its rude to invite people with out dates I think if they want to bring a date then they should be paying $100 for their date. You dont want strangers at your wedding. Congrats and good luck on your invite list.

Answer 10

Just to let you know...we sent out 120 invites and 160 people came!! So be careful with that! I would definitly cut out people that you don't really care to see....unless your parents freak out and make you invite them! But don't invite your parents co-workers that you have never met, neighbors, etc....My parents made me do all of that and there were @ 20 people there on my side that I had never met in my life! I even cut out some friends so my parents would shut up about it!! Good idea about the date thing though...one of our ushers brought a girl that he had met 2 days before the wedding...AND he rsvp'd saying he wasn't bringing a date!!! I think you are going about it the right way so far!! Good luck! The best part is when people don't rsvp and you have to call them! People can be soooooo rude!!