I havent spoken to my mother and sister for many years for numerous reasons and my grandmother died yesterday, my family never informed, my children heard it through the grapevine when they where out with their friends,I would obviously want to go to the funeral but there will be alot of bad feeling there,what would you do go and face hostility or keep away?I have 3 children that want to go but without me they will also stay away.
2006-10-25 02:04:11 · 36 answers · asked by candyfloss 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would seriously keep my children and myself away!
I would plant a rose bush (or my Grans favourite flower) in my own garden and look after it for her! It would be my place where I spoke to her.
I would also seriously think about psychotherapy or counselling because it sounds like your family have given you a hard time and you need to look after yourself.
2006-10-25 09:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by Nicola H 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go and show your love and respect to your grandmother. Something like this should bring families together but this may not be the case with your family.
What if after the funeral the car carrying your mom and sisters crashed and they were all killed? Would you wish you had been able to mend all bad feelings before they died? Like at your grandmothers funeral? That you had let bygones be bygones? Let go of the pain and hurt each of you and them had caused each other? Maybe the funeral would be a place to just go up and hug them and offer condolences and just a hug. No need for conversation. Just say something like..."I am so sorry that grandma is gone. I will miss her. I miss you too." And then hug them. Then the ball will be in their court. What they choose to do then is up to them.
But then again, I know nothing of the situation so this may not even be something that you would consider.
I say, you and the children should go to the funeral. Don't let them keep you away from saying your goodbye's to your grandmother.
Take care my friend.
2006-10-25 02:11:09 · answer #2 · answered by 7aliens 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that you should go. There is no reason why your children should suffer because of the rift between the "adults". Besides, this is a time to celebrate the life of your grandmother and I am pretty certain she would not want any part of her family to be fighting at this time. And if you do not attend you will end up regretting it down the line and then resenting your mother and sister even more because you will think it was their fault. For that day, let the past be the past and focus all of your love and attention on that special woman that was in your life. Best of luck to you all.
2006-10-25 02:09:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A funeral isnt for the dead, its for the living. It only takes place so that you can say goodbye!
If your children really want to say there last goodbye's, Why dont you do it in your own backyard?
Get a photograph of her and either burry it or cremate it. This way you are showing her the respect and giving your children peace of mind!
Like I said, a funeral is for the living, and the only ones at that funeral that is living will be the people you obviously cant get along with. Why make the day worse than it already is?
2006-10-25 03:12:06 · answer #4 · answered by noggintrude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go, wear a balc veil, or something covering your face as an emotional shield against their abuse. YOu and your kids have the right to attned, and if you do make sure you answer no questions whatsoever, even seeminly innocnet ones like How HAve You Been. Go for you and your kids, and let them think what they will of you. It doesn;t matter, as along as you are confrotable within y6our own skin.
If you expect them to say abusive thiungs and walk away withoiut saying anything, it is like saying they don;t exist. That is more damning than anything you can say, and presents you as a decent well balanced person. And if thgey indeed say nasty things,it will prove they are not good people and have emotional problems which they have never taken responsibvility for. But they need to balem someone, and it couyld be you. Also, if you are asked back to their hoimes, just say thnqk you. but you have other things to attned to.
I've had to do the same thing....stay away for years, and I have never ever regretttred that decision. They were destructive and abusive.
2006-10-25 02:11:03 · answer #5 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for the Grandmother's sake. She passed away so at least put the difference aside for the time being. I am pretty sure your mother would want the same thing.
Use your Grandmother as an example. You see, eventually, people will pass away........when another family member like a mother or a sister passes away, you'll wish you could make up for lost time. You know what I mean??
2006-10-25 02:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by Webballs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were close with my grandmother, and had a good relationship with her, I would go.The fact that you were uninformed has nothing to do with you, that's on THEM. But you know NOW. Why should you allow your sister and mother to have so much power over you at this time? Go to the funeral, and ignore them and any comments they may make, you are there out of love and respect for your grandmother...
2006-10-25 02:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your children should go and pay your respects. You won't be able to control what your family does, so there may be some kind of confrontation. Try to keep a low profile, and if your mom and sister start to get hostile, try to keep the past issues out of your mind and focus on why you're there. It won't be easy, and you'll just have to play it by ear, but you'll regret it more if you don't go. My condolences to you. I hope all goes well.
2006-10-25 02:12:23 · answer #8 · answered by rosecitylady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a nice situation, but not unusual.
It is your choice to go or not to go. At funerals strangers to the family, but known to the deceased attend.
I think you and your children should go, if that is what you want, because you will blame the rest of the family if you don't. No need to blame anyone for not going if you go, grin and bear the unpleasantness. Yet many family fueds are healed at funerals.
2006-10-25 02:09:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the funeral and pay your respects regardless of your family, staying away would only give them more to use against you. Go for your sake and your children, there is only one funeral per person and I think your grandmother would have wanted you there. Good luck x
2006-10-25 08:55:48 · answer #10 · answered by suckaslug 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
GO!! Grieve for your lost grandmother. Maybe a silver lining as well. Maybe you can heal the rift in your family as well. Forgiveness is a hard thing to do. But we all should do it. It makes the heart heal as well. Maybe your need to forgive them for not forgiving you or visa versa. Just walk up to each of them and give them a hug. a hug says a lot no matter how hard it might seem to be. Good luck
2006-10-25 02:10:06 · answer #11 · answered by sabbycat76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋