Childless by choice - happy life as a married couple?

Question

I think of kids/no kids scenario in my marriege very often. I don't think NOT having kids would be problem/disaster. Everybody I know is just nagging me and asking. When? Don't you want to have children? (im married 8 years). They go on my nerves, it feels like I need to have a child because its in some book of life or something. Truth? I don't want any. I am happy, I feel complete and just enjoying life as it is. Do I have to have a child otherwise my life is worth less? Is it my mission on this earth? I hate people sticking their noses into my businees and everytime my stomach is bloated after good food they have stupid questions. How pathetic.

Answer 1

Like you, I am childless by choice. I get comments all the time too. The one I hear the most is "OH, you don't know what you're missing". I just tell them "You don't miss what you NEVER had". I knew from an early age I didn't want to have any kids, and I've never changed my mind. I'm 46 now and no regrets about my decision.

Answer 2

It id your decision. there are people that are childless by choice and others that are childless because of medical reasons. If you do not feel that you want to go down that path then don't let others force you into it.
On the other hand, I was uncertain about this but I got pregnant early in our marriage. I was resentful for a long time because I felt that I did not have the time to become who I wanted to be and now all I am is his wife and his mother. However looking back I would have to say that I learned things that I might not have needed to learn had I stayed childless. I learn endurance, Patience( well I am still working on that one) resourcefulness and a level of multitasking that I would never have put myself to if I had not needed it.
I have 3 children. They are all very interesting people. I still have days where I wonder if I would be in a better financial place if we had stayed childless and then I look at these people that are a true blending of him and me and realize they would not be here if I had not had them.
It has been said that one way to show you really love your husband is to give him a child. I would be a lot easier to accept that saying if they would do more of the work involved. It is a partnership and if both parties are not up to the challenge then don't open that chapter.

Answer 3

Good gravy! No One HAS to have children. We are taught in the bible that to "procreate" is what we are to do.
Let's face it, in today's world where there is over population, poverty, & crime - many are deciding not to bring another human life into this world.
Those who do, have that still small hope that their child will be the 1 to make the world a better place. That is what we do when we have children.
Just don't find yourself in a place where you are older & then decide you should have.
I have 1 daughter. I was told I would never have children because of a couple medical conditions. Then, I was also put on birth control to help control my monthly cycles. Wham - pregnant!
Now, I thought about abortion not even as long as it just took me to type it. Then I knew I was not in a healthy relationship (alcoholic partner who was very abusive). I knew right then & there that leaving that situation was going to happen & that having this baby was the only "right" thing for me.
My daughter will turn 18 in about 3 weeks. I have had many times where I would have loved to have another chance at having that abortion (haha, that is a joke) but being a parent is a very difficult job. It is 1 that you never get a vacation from. It is always your number 1 stressor. You will never have a completely stress free child. From diapers to diploma you will work, worry, & question. Hell, after the diploma you will continue. I don't think anyone truly stops worrying about their children. But to put it clearly - Having children is an individual's choice. I love my daughter & would never trade her for anything, but to be honest, there are more times where it would have been easier to not have a child.
I have been extremely lucky. I know this. God found it necessary to give me a gift of this beautiful being. I never had any other children. This was not for lack of trying. I married a good man & would have given anything to go through all of this with a man who would have payed attention to my every whim! But I think God knew I was going to have my hands full. That is okay. I am grateful for what I have. I have a beautiful, talented, intelligent child who is growing into a very wonderful woman.
Children in your life are an option not a must.
There are many who would give anything to have the ability to choose. People who can't have children. But then again there are those who should never be allowed to breed that are out there popping out kids like a Pez dispenser & they have no more love for them than you would give a stray rat on the street. Don't let other's opinions get to you. Just tell them to mind their own damn business. What you & your partner choose is what is right for you. That is all there is to it. A person has to do what is right for them, not what other's think is right. If you are happy & comfortable with your decision, then you made the right one.

Answer 4

It is your life and I applaud the fact that youknow what you want. If you are not yearning every minute to hold a baby that is perfectly OK. There are nurturing women and there are women who never should have children . My best friend is an example. She always knew babies were not for her neither did her husband want them they have been married 40 years and are quite happy (and have money to travel). I on the other hand wanted 12 kids and settled for 3, I could not be without them now that I am old. But both of us made the right choice and it is time people know that because you are a woman you need to do the breeding.

Answer 5

I would just tell everyone that you do not wish to have kids and that is your choice and tell them to drop it. I think it is wonderful to have children, I have 3, but I definitely don't think that anyone should have them if they don't want them. So many people these days bring children into this world that they don't want, so I think it is great that you have thought it through and decided that it is not for you, instead of going and having a child just because. My sister in law and her husband have been married 12 years and they made the decision years ago that they did not want any. They are perfectly happy. People used to bug them too, but eventually they stopped. Actually, they finally stopped after he got a vasectomy! LOL! But seriously, I sometimes envy their freedom! They can come and go as they please, take vacations, work without having to worry about childcare, have nice things in their home (no kids around to break them!), plus, they just always have the money to do what they want. Plus, they still get to be around children (my kids, their nieces & nephews), play with them and spoil them, without having all the responsiblity! If that is your choice and you both are happy, then everyone should just respect your decision and leave you alone about it. Just because you get married, does not mean that you have to have children. They should respect your choice, after all, you don't tell them how to live their lives. Good luck!

Answer 6

I don't think it is anyone's business whether or not you want to have children and/or why you have not yet. To be honest, people "bugging" you about it is very rude. I am 35 and have been married for 14 years. We want children but have been unsuccessful (2 miscarriages). Although, we want children I don't necessarily believe I have to have children to have a worthy life. I am very happy in my life, career, and marriage. That is what I tell people when they continue to ask us about children--- I never discuss my miscarriages or lack of ability to get pregnant. Usually, my response puts an end to "that conversation". I did want to add though that we have friends who some enjoy having children & others don't. All are very financially stable and are our age. The one's that don't enjoy their children say it's because their life is no longer their own.... they follow-up with "I love my children & wouldn't trade them but if I had to do it all over again I would not have had children". Anyway, I think it goes both ways so in short you have to make the best decision for you and your husband--- whether that means no children or some children. Good luck!

Answer 7

I used to get the same type questions. First, as I approached 30, it was "aren't you going to get married and settle down" and then after we married it became "when are you going to have children?" and "you don't want to wait to long, you aren't that young you know?" And I had the same catty answer to both questions- "I know misery loves company, but that seems a really bad reason to (get married) or (have children)". Much to everyones surprise and relief, we did eventually have children. 4 to be exact, and then the question was "Is this the last one, now?" And I answered very sweetly, "well, it only seemed right to have several when we discovered how beautiful ours were. If they had been really ugly, we'd have stopped after one or two". That usually shut them up- since most of them had only one or two. Feel free to use my lines, and deliver them as sweetly or catty as you like- or they deserve.

Answer 8

tell them how you feel

everyone is different I have alot of friends that have no plan of ever having children and they are completely happy
I on the other had would really like kids ..
I don't think anyone should nag you .. just tell them were you stand.. if they don't leave you alone then nag them about something

good luck

Answer 9

Do what you want - don't worry about other people! I was anti-children for 25 years of my life and have heard all the annoying comments. But I'll tell you, never say never. Now at 26, I'm TTC with my hubby and could NOT be happier, we can't wait to have kids. I'm not saying you're going to change your mind (heck, I NEVER thought I would), just never say never. Whatever happens, just ignore stupid people and their stupid comments.

Answer 10

Its cool that you have decided whats best for you. Having a child does not mean you have to have one cause everybody else is nagging. Tell them to back off your happy just the way you are.