I have a funeral to attend today. Is it inappropriate to go to the service and burial, but not the dinner afterward?
2006-10-25 00:55:00 · 37 answers · asked by TJ's Dad 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I just wanted to thank everyone for your advise and support. I wish I could divide the "best answer" points among all of you.
2006-10-25 01:41:00 · update #1
as long as you are going to attend the services to show your respect that is what counts my son died last month and the people that attended visitation, funeral, or graveside services were the ones that touched my heart we had a dinner afterwards i think that is just to make sure that you eat and if you do not feel like going to that it is okay i sure didnt feel like eating i really just wanted to have some private time sometimes the people that go to the food part get too happy acting and it is not a funny time for me i know they say you should celebrate after someone dies but i couldnt see any humor in burying my son do what you feel is right for you and thank you for caring about other people have a good day
2006-10-25 01:03:48 · answer #1 · answered by angel afraid and sad 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is. I will give you an example. One when my father passed 1 1/2 yrs ago my brother in law went to the wake and funeral and ditched the whole family at the dinner. Meanwhile that left my sister and her two children there without a husband or father. He had no business plans for that day, instead he made some up and after the funeral and my father was even in the ground he was on a flight to California on business. mind you every company gives people at 3 days off. This was RUDE. PO'd my sister and the whole family off to no end. Do not think nobody will not notice because they will. Everyone of my fathers friends was at the dinner not just immediate family, to extend condolences. My brother in law has no respect for people that die, none at all.
It is in your best interest at least to go to the dinner and extend a bit more support. It is not easy. You at least owe it to them as a friend or relative to do this whether or not you are a friend, family member, neighbor.
2006-10-25 03:43:03 · answer #2 · answered by tazachusetts 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As he has asked, it would obviously mean a great deal to your brother to be able to have a few words said at your father's funeral. But since this would be a difficult time for anyone, regardless of what they were going through or how excellent a public speaker they are at any other time, why not suggest that he prepare a few words to be read by someone else at the service regarding your father? I've seen this done in situations, even when a close family member was a great public speaker, and I'm certain that funeral directors and preachers are frequently asked to say a few words on behalf of the close family, who probably don't want to put themselves on display in such a state of grief. Suggest it in such a way that it doesn't emphasize your brother's other difficulties, but instead, puts the emphasis on what a difficult time you both are going through right now, and so you wanted this to be something that would be easier on him than to have his grief put on display.
2016-05-22 12:32:14 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course, but as the first to answer told you we cannot stress enough that you do NOT attend the dinner (wake) without attending the service. Tacky and poor taste as well as rude and dis-respect-ful. Also, No casual dressing unless asked to do so by the deceased (not the deceased's family or friends, the deceased must ask for casual before death). Dress up and show traditional respect otherwise. NO to jeans = No No No even if it is casual. And if "we" ever see flip flops - well - the consequences will be dire.
2006-10-25 01:03:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are showing your respect for the person who died and family by being at the services. I'm sure they will appreciate the support you give just by going. Not everyone has time to go to the dinner afterwards.
2006-10-25 01:09:15 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara W 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it is perfectly acceptable just to attend the service and burial as this is the most important part of the funeral
2006-10-25 01:03:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, that is fine. Just extend your sympathies to the one(s) closest to the deceased ( i.e.: spouse, children) and extend your apologies for not being able to make it to the dinner, as you take your leave.
You do not say what your relationship to the deceased is, however, the dinner is usually attended by the family and close friends of the deceased.
2006-10-25 01:00:09 · answer #7 · answered by Calina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please go to the dinner after the services even if it is for 1/2 hour and show your face there. You have no idea how much the family will appreciate that. Shows a great deal of respect.
2006-10-25 04:09:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not. You can extend your condolances at the ceremony and decline to attend the dinner. It is a highly emotional time and people act differently.
Some folks go to the service, but cannot bring themselves to attend the burial. (This happened with my mother-in-law, where the service was packed, but only 20 people went to the burial)
2006-10-25 00:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
The important part is that you care and just by being there you show that.. If you can't attend the dinner, that is not a problem. Do offer your condolences to the family before leaving..
I'm sorry for your loss..
2006-10-25 01:09:04 · answer #10 · answered by LittleBitOfSugar 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋