what do i do when my six-year-old neighbor hits his mom?

Question

My neighbor's son bullies & hits her. He's six and huge, she's tiny. The boy & his sister play with the neighborhood kids in a group in front of my house\in my yard at the end of our dead-end street. Some moms watch & keep order.

If he doesn't get his way he will sometimes punch/slap/kick his mom. I can't stand by while he hurts her, so I have stepped in between them to stop him from punching her, grabbed his hands so he can't hit me, steered him away as he tried to kick.

BTW His dad said it was cute when the kid at 3 "tried to put mom in her place." Her family is overseas. The dad is IMHO emotionally abusive but doesn't hit anyone--just lets kids do what they want. He travels alot. Kid is in private school.

At some point he's going to hurt me or I'm going to hurt him accidentally---or he's going to hurt me & one of my kids is going to cream him.

I'm also worried that if I or one of my kids hurts him we'll be liable. Not letting my kids play outside isn't an option. Help!

UPDATE:
Yesterday bully hit a kid with a branch in my yard. I told him to leave. He walked onto the street and yelled he was going to come back & kill me. Mom told him to go home & he tried to run her over with his motorized suv. He drove it into her, she had her hands on the hood & he was flooring it, pushing her off balance on sandy pavement.

(In my mind, bully lost his suv. Dad let him have it back when he got home.)

It is clear she has no control over this kid and I can't change that. I try to be supportive and she has tearfully thanked me.

He usually doesn't bully other kids here; my sons won't let him & I send him home. He doesn't hit at school anymore. (not a sp ed sch)

I can't avoid him unless I keep my kids inside because of the way the street is made & where the neighborhood kids play.

One mom wants to "disinvite" the family from playing, but its a public street. Plus I feel bad for the mom and sister.
Would social services help? or get mom in trouble?

Answer 1

Then the dad does you for assult.

Answer 2

Wow - you do sound like you have a "Dr. Phil" sort of problem.
Eventhough it is not "your problem," it is your problem because this child lives on your street and plays in the general area the neighborhood kids play. As a parent, it is your responsibility to keep your own children safe. This family's behavior did not just start yesterday. This family abuse started a long time ago. You cannot change this family without endangering yourself. My advice is to contact the police. You can visit them and no one will have to know - versus having them come to your house to log a complaint. Let them advise you of your next step. Your second option is to contact your local social services/child protection agency. Keep a log of events (details, details) that you witness. Getting them involved will release the burden and responsibility you now feel. Also speak with your school officials, most notably, the school counselor (if both children attend the same school as your child). Let them know of your concerns. I am sure his behavior is the same at school as at home. School officials are obligated to report/investigate abuse and bullying. With all the violence now in the schools, both public and private, I am sure your concerns will not fall on deaf ears. This family is in crisis and the unfortunate thing about this is their crisises can become a neighborhood nightmare. Finally, you can get the support of your neighbors (mothers and fathers...lots and lots of fathers, since this kids dad feels powerful over women) and confront him. Your last and final option is to keep your children
safe at home until they go off to college or move to another neighborhood. But what will that solve? Good Luck and best wishes!

Answer 3

I don't care about what others might say, but you seriously need
to report his ***. Who care if his mom get mad at you, she'll only
thank you in the long run. As he gets older his attitude will be more severe, and death can become out of this. Look at the times when you would look at the news and a problem child ended up killing his/her parent, how many kids at that age are in
Juvenal hall because something terrible had happen. Call CPS
or talk the police station to see what you can do to stop this
kid from hurting his mom even more. I don't believe in hitting
my kids, but this kids need an *** wippen to show him how it
feels.

Answer 4

All bullies eventually meet a horrible end, and to try to avoid this is going to irritate you more. Call the police, make a complaint, charging him with being a bully, there will be retaliations, but to hopefully help this family you are going to have to document something, so there is something to back up your allegations. Hell, do you think if he can hit family members, he will think nothing of killing, maiming, etc., anyone or anything else. Be the grown up in the situation or get a grown up to handle the situation.

Answer 5

I am not sure if you cold contact anyone to help. You cant touch the boy, and your kids should not be punished for the kids actions. Has anyone suggested to the mom counseling etc? I had problems with my kids hitting but if I threatened caling the cops they stopped, said they were sorry. They knew it was wrong to hurt people and it was a crime. Not saying it was right the way I handled it but my kid was a brat doing the same things to get his way. This is terrible that the father is such a jackass to allow it. He needs a crash course in parenting! They say by allowing it, you promote it. Find numbers of counselors, domestic abuse places, etc and leave in her mail box if no one wants to talk to her. This is serious. Watch the news, its scarey out there, we need to get our kids in order now. Knowing me though, I would confront them both, talk to her and the husband. I would correct the kid verbally every time he was out of line by my kids or others. Maybe he will take the hint that no one will put up with him and his bad behavior.

Answer 6

This type of behavior needs to dealt with immediately! If the mother will not, then you could report him to the authorities, he is physically abusing his mother. You can call the abuse hot line for your area. Or call the police next time you witness any violent behavior against anyone! They may put him in a juvenile detention center, he's a loose cannon, and needs to be dealt with.
You will need to be prepared to take the same action on his father. Make sure when you report this, you also mention the fathers behavior.
Good luck to you!

Answer 7

I feel really sorry for this neighbour of yours....I think she is desperate and depressed..its hard when a hubby will not back you up, and even harder when you can see this..and believe me... she can see that you see, and is probably ashamed all round.
can you not invite her round for coffee, and have a chat? I think she needs a friend.
But do not interfere.. do not touch the child...it might backfire onto you, and yes, you would be liable..
You do not say what he is like with his sister?
or what she is like?
Is he in a 'special' school...you know...special needs?

As a matter of interest...how do all the other children react to him? usually they are the ones who can put a child like that ,in his/her place...you know the chat..."we're not playing with you cos your nasty" or "go away,we don't like you"...because of these sort of comments,they can change,because they want to fit in.

Hope this has helped,even just a little. good luck.

Answer 8

I admire the fact that you want to help. In this situation instead of working with him I think that you should work with her as it evidently means that she is the one with the problem-not him.

I say not him because I believe that he thinks he is justified in what he is doing since she does not correct him or since the father does not reinforce punishment.

You can try to teach her to be firm, as well as some ways to discipline him.

My 10 month old son has started hitting and I am working on it right now, so you see it's not the child that has to do the work, it's the parent that is the full meaning of parenting.

Answer 9

You need to stay out of it. It is an ugly situation and is unfair, but you getting involved is only going to put you legally at risk. If the child were to be injured by your involvement you could be charged with assault and/or sued.

Neighbors or no, distance yourself from these people. Be polite, but do not interfere in their lives anymore. Do not let your children play with this child. There is nothing you can do to fix the situation. The mother will have to tend to it herself. It sounds like her son needs intense therapy. I know it's difficult to watch, but unless you see some harm come to the child (the you can call social services) your hands are legally tied.

Answer 10

you may call the police. this could nicely be an exceedingly severe shop in mind that none of you are able to desire to handle on your very own. There are experts that can enable you and your loved ones. This guy will proceed to abuse all of you till a million if 2 issues ensue- a million. the two you call the police or 2. He beats considered one of you to dying. Is that a guess you're prepared to take? How heavy might that burden be to hold for something of your existence? you're obligated to renounce this guy, for each individual's risk-free practices. call the police and immediately report for an emergency restraining order. make particular your lady does too. That way you wont could head formerly youre waiting. regrettably it is going to likely be up on your mom to report one for herself yet as long as your along with her in the abode she could be risk-free.Your mom isn't in a position if making the wonderful judgements for herself so which you may do it for her. do no longer play this bullshit sport. he's a bully and thoughts on people who can not/wont look after themselves. he's a punk. If it have been as much as me the police might arrest him, day after today while he have been given out he'd be picked up by some buddies. He'd be pushed someplace effective and distant and given a flavor if his very own drugs. could even do him sturdy to be stripped of his clothing and left to stroll abode bare-assed. See how he festivals against somebody who can look after themselves. Sound harsh? perchance. Does he deserve it? quite.

Answer 11

My son hits me out of frustration- he is only two and I have "nipped it in the bud" and it was really embarrassing and more so frustrating to be "out of control".

More so I worried about other Moms thinking that I was hitting "him" because he was acting that way in public to get his way. I was so afraid of others actions, I avoided going out in public with him because of his "meltdowns".

Well its not that way now. It started "retraining" him at home, just like I trained dogs- for real. I used the Master or MOM is the universe and the you will do as I say, not as you will, its my rules and I"m the alpha dog and that's not a debate. Its my way only.
Sounds harsh huh? Well only in theory, the reality is a compromise of options that are all good for us both.

So time outs anywhere and anytime, loss of priveleges and I reward with a package of stickers (one at a time) in my purse or pockets. All of his actions are rewarded or comdemed-immedicately. I mean anywhere, in the middle of the mall. on the grass in front of the bank, in Walmart, in front of my husband's office. The last one at church was really hard on me, yet the parents really supported me.

Now- prior to that I will make a an outloud statement in public, to apologize for my son and we are dealing with the anger issues right now. It is a power struggle between us. You parents know what I mean, those of you who aren't its good birthcontrol. [ that really makes them laugh] [As I an standing over him, sitting down in time out or 5-10 feet away pretending to do something]

My mother in law advised me- You are the MOM and you will need to win everytime- so give several options and they are all yours.

example: Stop this bad behavior now! You will get a time out to think about these actions by the time I count to three. You have a choice- No TV (named favorite shows) or "playtime" with cars or bike or what ever. In this case that works for me. As he is being good, I call him over and give a special thank you for good behavior or reward him with options. After dinner you canhave a cookie or popcorn or special TV time (dvd).

Oh I won't lie- its been rough and other Mom's tell it will get more difficult as he becomes three next week. I am better prepared now. Ironically I'm was a barracuda of a business woman and a wimp of a mom...thinking I was being too hard on them.

too much- good luck

~ I did not know- WHAT I did not know~ So other kind parents and mother in law pointed out the facts of what will happen, if this problem continues and have empowered me to be a better Mom.~~~

I would talk to the mom and "listen to her" then express my concern about her feeling about the entire thing. You kids maybe the good example that her son may need, so just be there and watch. Thanks- Good Q!