we make plans she calls and says the kids and her want to come over for a picnic in your backyard, he drops our plans for her, how do I handle this its happened quite a few time now and he doenst seem to understand why I get mad. Every Sunday they all get together to watch football, and I dont want to go and he gets mad.
2006-10-23 08:17:04 · 20 answers · asked by amylou1603 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
HIS KIDS GROWN UPS THE YOUNGEST IS 30 THE OLDEST IS 40
2006-10-25 08:52:45 · update #1
you can get mad, or enjoy the fact that he is capable of caring for his family so much. It is much better than having a ragin **tch for an ex-wife that is alway harrasing the two of you and is totally nasty. Have you tried participating and being part of their friendship?
2006-10-23 08:20:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me last night, and I understand how you feel. I know you dont want to come off as being selfish and asking him to choose between the time with you and his kids. But when the ex wife can call up at anytime and ruin your plans that you have together, then she basicly still has some control and he is letting her. He has to have a life also...if that is what he is looking for. Its a lot to handle. If you cant deal with it, get out, cause obviously its not going to change...Every Sunday!!! Grown Kids!!! Its more there, I'm sorry!
2006-10-23 15:38:27 · answer #2 · answered by dnice1473 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try going to watch football with them on Sunday. He probably sees that your getting frustrated and jealous of the attention he is giving his ex wife and kids so he wants to show you that you shouldn't worry and make you feel closer to his family. If you go once, you will meet all of them and see that you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure he wants you to be a part of his life but his kids are really important to him too.
His kids are always going to be a part of his life and you can't change that unless you want to lose him. The ex is just their because she's taking care of the kids.
Now, if the kids grow up and move out but he still keeps on going over to her house all the time and cancelling your plans for her then I would worry!
2006-10-23 15:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by Wia03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man clearly can't let go of his past and move on. If he isn't willing to put your relationship first then why stick around? I'm not saying his kids are not a priority, but if he has plans with you then he should honour them. As for Sunday football.. maybe make a compromise. If you go there what will he do for you?? Ballroom dancing? A day of shopping together no complaints? It's your life you choose the terms! Also his ex sounds like she's manipulating him for her benefit using the kids as pawns.
2006-10-23 15:22:43 · answer #4 · answered by Rebecca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because he feels it is important for his kids to spend time in a family setting doesn't mean he is still "in love" with his ex. In a day and age where most people go around bashing their ex in front of the children he should be applauded for showing them that just because their parents couldn't make marriage work doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve his kindness and respect. She is the mother of his kids for cryin out loud. Rather than being jealous or put out try to become part of the family unit and join in. Oh yeah, and be thankful that you have found a man that can show honor and respect to a woman even though their marriage didn't work.
2006-10-23 16:01:28 · answer #5 · answered by Rick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say find someone else. Especially since he's dropped ya'lls plans to do something together for them. If he's been divorced 20 years, any kids they had together need to have lives of their own & he should sever most of the ties to the ex. As for expecting you to go over there to hang with them, that's just stupid on his part.
You should find someone who is able & willing to devote time to loving you, forging a bond with you - not hanging with the ex all the time!! Has she ever gotten another b/f? Did she remarry?
Why is she still insisting on doing things as a family when they aren't - not really - anymore? If you can manage to talk with him calmly & unemotionally about this, you need to ask him these types of questions - & you need to ask what he wants with you.
I think you'll be able to judge from his answers whether or not you should go or stay. Good luck!
2006-10-23 15:24:21 · answer #6 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know his situation and you stay. I would drop my plans too to spend time with my children and if whom I am seeing doesn't understand then they should move on to someone who doesn't have children. He and his wife get along and that's good for the kids even though they are grown. That is a family. You were invited to go along with them and you declined so you really don't have a complaint about being left out. Maybe you should reconsider your relationship and whether or not you want to be in it with this particular man.
2006-10-23 15:22:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That 's awsome he still hangs out with his family, but he needs to respect you and your feelings if he hasn't gotten over his ex for whatever reason still feels the need to chill with her, that's just weird. But on the other hand 20 years ago is a long time ago, maybe they do it for the kids. It's okay to be friends with her but to cancel your plans to be with her not cool, I think you should let him know and if he dosen't want to change it, find someone else before you get really hurt.. like finding out they still sleep together.
2006-10-23 15:20:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he doesnt drop for her...he drops for his kids like he is suppose to...get over it or move on.. ..not being mean but, its a good sign that his kids come first... ...does he spend some time with you at all?... ...maybe this isnt the relationship for you.. ...you may need someone who can be more commited to you ... ...if all the kids are grown and he still cant find time for another relationship then maybe, you need to move on...
2006-10-23 15:20:18 · answer #9 · answered by Carmen 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to break up his happy arrangement with his kids and ex wife for you. They were all part of his life long before you came along and will continue to be part of his life after you are gone. This is his family we're talking about here. I wouldn't give up my kids for someone new in my life either. The ex wife is their mother therefore part of their life as well. Get used to it, or move on.
2006-10-23 15:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by stacye5398 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋