Who is Diabetic, and is on disability for diabetes. She is grossly over weight, has had a terrible round with MRSA, a staph infection and it is still going on. And she lives with a very nice man, who is also on disability. And I have to help them finacially. And I am retired on a set income, limited. What to do.
2006-10-14 12:45:57 · 13 answers · asked by Strawberry Pony 5 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Diabetes
I some what agree with those saying that you should stop helping them financially. However I don't think walking away and not looking back is fair, your daughter is dependent on you because you've allowed her to be. She doesn't take responsibility for herself because she doesn't have to...she has you. With a 47 year old daughter you can't be a spring chicken, and lets face it, we're not going to live forever. I mean, you could be hit by' a truck tomorrow. So then what happens to your daughter? I know people are thinking that she'll HAVE to take responsibility, but the truth is, she won't have a clue how. The best thing you can do for your daughter and YOUSELF, is to start weaning her off her dependence on you so that if something were to happen to you, you know that she is going to be okay, and so does she. Explain this to her, let her know that you will be happy to help her all ways that do not require money and that support her health, both physically and mentally. Help her come up with a budget, if she doesn't have enough money to support where she lives, look into alternate housing. Many states have housing based on income. If health costs are a problem, like medications, there are programs that she probably qualifies for. Help her find resources other than yourself. If it's just impossible to stop money right away, let her know that you're only going to contribute so much money for a certain amount of time, that's it, after that no more. It has to come from your heart, knowing you're doing what is best. Don't go to a grocery store and buy food that is ultimately going to kill her. If she wants that kind of food she can go get it herself. Only support her in her independence and health...meaning if it's not good for her, don't do it! It's a tough situation that has taken 47 years to create. Don't expect it to completely turn around over night but do start immediately.
2006-10-14 18:32:46 · answer #1 · answered by BRUCE D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop helping with money. Her diabetes will be better if she loses weight, and she will be able to get a JOB.
It is NOT your responsibility---& she will not be better when you coddle her.
I am 45, weigh 225, have non-insulin diabetes, and have worked every year since 1975, except 3 years when my boys were born.
Your daughter is LAZY, SPOILED, and you need to smack her with the reality stick. Tell her you CAN'T help anymore....see how soon the lazy couple get better!
Honey, you stopped being responsible 29 YEARS ago...don't let her guilt you into ANYthing!
2006-10-14 23:22:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down, because here comes the tough love: there is nothing you can do but remove yourself from the situation. Contact your local Health and Human Services office, apprise them of the situation, give them the address and phone number of your daughter and her 'male-friend'...and walk away. This must be done - and soon. In cases of addiction (face it...diabetes is a sugar addiction), anyone who makes it easier for someone else to live with their addiction is called an 'enabler'. In short, you are helping her to continue her sugra addiction. Without you, just like a drug or alcohol addict, she will have to find her own way to support her habit. No money means she won't be able to buy food - forcing her to find public assistance and, since she is already in the system, her caseworker will badger her about making better nutritional choices. No one to mother her means that she will have to look after her own health, make her own way to the doctor and monitor her own blood-sugar level. Her reliance on you to handle HER health and welfare is draining you emotionally, as well as financially. If you continue to be her caretaker, your health will decline and (reality check here) you will not be around for much longer, leaving her to to handle her own affairs anyway. As a note: most diabetics who are dealing with other, related afflicions, are likely to suffer from depression - so do their family members who, despite their own insurmountable hardships, try to take care of them. If you cannot bring yourself to create the necessary distance, please sit down and share your feelings with a counselor.
2006-10-14 20:24:31 · answer #3 · answered by tankboy444 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If she is 47 and out of the house, why are you helping her and this guy she is living with financially. I understand that she is your daughter and she is on disability but you have to be able to survive on what your income is. Let them stand on their own 2 feet. They are old enough to do that.
2006-10-14 19:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by akknaley 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you this but if they are both on social security they are using you for all you are worth. If they are that bad off and live in the USA they can get help from social services. I'm on disability and have been from age 42 and I live alone. Sure I wish I had more money to spend but I don't. My sister and her husband did this to my Aunt for ten year and it makes me sick to see people use others.
2006-10-14 19:58:23 · answer #5 · answered by Nani 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
While she is your daughter and you want to help her in any way you can, she has to be able to help herself and should be able to at 47 years old. I notice that you typed that you "have to help them financially", why is it that you feel that way? If they are old enough to play house together, they are old enough to pay their own bills.
I would NEVER ask my mother to pay my bills or loan me a couple of bucks EVER!! Some people really have no shame...
You have a choice. You can continue to pay her bills, suffer in silence, and go without on your limited retiree income while growing more angry/disappointed at your daughter, or you can tell her that she needs to learn the difference between a want and a need, learn how to prioritize, and pay her own darned bills. It won't be easy to do the latter, but at her age she should be able to be self-sufficient.
2006-10-14 20:10:09 · answer #6 · answered by always_cookin 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If they are on disability, they should be getting medi-cal. Their joint disability checks should be enough to live on. If not, they need to move to a smaller house. You need to tell them that you can no longer afford to carry them, since you may be without a place. There are food pantries and meals on wheels that can help with some of those things. Good luck...
2006-10-14 19:55:35 · answer #7 · answered by yiqqahah 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Put a lock on the fridge and pay fast food places not to serve them.
Seriously, that's the best thing to do. Unless these people change their lifestyles, they're going to drain you of all of the money you have.
2006-10-14 19:49:18 · answer #8 · answered by sous_lepontmirabeau 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell them your on a fixed income and you don't mind helping but will not help them kill themselves put a lock on the frige and tell your daughter to get a little exercise i don't know about her boyfriend but it sounds like they both need to be a little more responsible you will not be there forever to take care of them you must take care of yourself first.
2006-10-15 09:24:38 · answer #9 · answered by Doris D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just take care of yourself she and her friend have to learn to live on their income she is an adult and you do not say she is mentally ill . if in her right mind let her live her own life she is surely old enuf
2006-10-14 23:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by nora7142@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋