I have been with my boyfriend for one and half year now. In August, we moved to another state to start graduate school. Although we are not living together, we live about one minute away from each other. The problem is that I got all my tuition waved and full schoolship but he didn't. So he had to pay for the out of state tuition, rent...etc. He sold his car before he moved and told me that he was going to buy another one. However, he never mentioned that again. Now, I payed for everything when we went out, including restaurants, groceries, movies, and gas. He drove my car all the time but never payed for a penny. Also, because I have both a laptop and a desktop, he took my brand new laptop to school and told everyone that it was his. He said that since I don't really need to use the laptop at school so why can't I just give it to him? Well, I don't feel comfortable about this whole thing. Am I wrong to feel this way?
2006-09-28 18:22:19 · 21 answers · asked by confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Before we moved, we used to split up all the expenses.
2006-09-28 18:23:42 · update #1
I understnad that he is paying a lot of money for school but I just don't feel good for paying everything all the time.
2006-09-28 18:26:34 · update #2
To be fair, he moved out the state for me. He got accepted to other schools too so he didn't have to move and pay a lot more. That's why I feel obligated to pay for him.
2006-09-28 18:51:32 · update #3
You are not wrong to feel this way, it sounds like he is taking advantage of you. If you bring this up, which you should, I'm sure he will become defensive and you risk losing your relationship. I understand that may not be one of your options, however things usually get worse before they get better. Nip it in the bud now, I see too many stories like this end up on reality judge shows.
Tell him you are uncomfortable with the direction your relationship is going and that you feel you are giving and not receiving, ask that he be more considerate and independent. If he doesn't understand, perhaps he isn't the man for you.
Good Luck and Best Wishes!!
2006-09-28 18:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
In no way do I think your wrong! I think he's abusing the fact that your his girlfriend and he can use these things.
Yes, be a bit compassionate because he does have to work for his tuition and so on, but he needs to understand that they are not his things. You worked hard to get that money and deserve it. I don't think it's wrong that you feel the way you do, because he needs to understand it's not all about taking but giving back into the relationship. Whether it's emotionally, physically, or financially.
Let him know that your feeling uncomfortable in a mature way. Don't make him feel like he's a burden but just let him know that it's called give and receive. If he takes it the wrong way, give him his space. I'm more then sure he'll realize what a great thing he has. Good Luck. Sara
2006-09-28 18:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by * Wishfulthinker * 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about how you feel. You should let him know your financial situation, just becuase your fees got waived and his didn't this does not mean that he can take advantage of you by making you pay for everything. If he paid for everything before then I would say fair enough that you are paying now, but you didn't it was equal.
Tell him that you are trying to save up for a better future and you are now living within a budget and actually do up a budget on a spreadsheet and try to stick to it, in this budget include "going out" and put a figure there that you want to spend weekly, therefore if he wants to spend more you can say "sorry im going over budget"
2006-09-28 18:28:02 · answer #3 · answered by Knowitall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say support him, but yall aint married. I think if he's using your car, he should pay for the gas he uses. When you go out to eat, maybe since he paid so much for school, you could pay for the more expensive dates and he can pay for the cheaper ones.
Even though you guys arent married, you do have a relationship, and you said you split the expenses before. So maybe this time around you can split it according to each others incomes (ex. He makes 30% less money than you, so he can pay 30% less also(if you like doing the math)
good luck!!!
2006-09-28 18:29:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong to feel the way you do. He is making it seem as if it is your fault that he did not get a full ride. He is taking advantage of you and you are allowing it. He needs to get a job so he can afford some things on his own. If you want to loan him your laptop make sure he signs something in writing acknowledging that is a loan and that if he breaks or loses it he will replace it. If he does not then acknowledge that he is using you. It really sound to me as if you need to find a new boyfriend and stop lending him your car. He is using you girlfriend.
2006-09-28 18:29:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong to feel how you feel.
From the outside, it seems like he's taking advantage of you.
But, if you care about the relationship, sit down and talk with him, and let him know how you feel.
Consider seeing a counselor together for a few sessions - schools usually have them available. You might be able to discuss finances in depth and work out an arrangement that feels good to you both.
2006-09-28 18:27:14 · answer #6 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am 100% with u - anybody will feel uncomfortable. and if it was me i would tell him long time ago that his behavior is unacceptable. but i think it is your fault too - u let him get away with it. never pay for a man even if he is in need. he is a man, he always should find the way out. u re not his mommy, why re u worried that he has to pay the rent and tution fee and stuff? he has parents for that. tell him how u feel and that u re not doing him this kind of favours and take your lap top back while it is not too late.besides why do u need a poor loser who is using u?
2006-09-28 18:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your bf feels that you may have extra money because you don't have to pay for school. He probably thinks that you don't mind paying for everything and letting him use your stuff. You should let him know that you are feeling uncomfortable about it. Let him know that you feel like he is using you. You aren't being stingy though. You or anyone else would get tired of this behavior. Just calmly let him know how you're feeling.
2006-09-28 18:29:28 · answer #8 · answered by sexy lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, jacky took the words out of my mouth...
I believe that him doing this is quite a bad sign. Then again, nobody is perfect. You'll have to 'teach him'. If he won't understand by his own will, then it means you've reached that point in a relation where you realise that this is not the guy you for you. (bad parts pop out last [duh])
Oh, but who would want to ditch a guy for only part of him not being good? (like there IS a perfect guy anywhere...) Talk is the key. But remember, 90% of what you say doesn't come out of your mouth. So whatch the place, the gestures, the details.
He got too laid back on this subject (money).
good luck
2006-09-28 19:48:35 · answer #9 · answered by raicu_andi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think he is taking advantage of your generosity. He is more are less taking your assistance for granted and doesn't think how it impacts you. You need to start standing up for yourself and ask him to fork over some dough and give you your new laptop back. My nephew got involved with a girl in college and she used his credit cards, food, and he paid for their things and she didn't pay. She did cheat on him all the while and all he got was stuck with big credit card bills. You boyfriend should care enough about you after 1.5 years to know not to treat you that way. Be careful.
2006-09-28 18:29:18 · answer #10 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋