I feel wrong about this but Im not sure...am I doing something wrong?

Question

It's me, my fiance and our 2year old son. Well, Im a stay home mom and sometimes I go to the store after my fiance gets off work and I go by myself. (I need some time alone, all people do) But if our son see's me leave, he get's so sad and upset. (Yes, were trying to teach him that it's OK for mom to leave without him and stay home with dad once in awhile) So what we do is, daddy will take our son in our room or his room and play with toys, tickle him and just play for a few minutes while I get out the door and leave. Then by the time I get back home, our son see's me and say's, "there's mommy" it's so cute, he acts as if everything was fine knowing "mom was not home". I feel guilty for doing this "Distracting thing" but I will also feel guilty for telling our son, "mommy be right back, you stay here with daddy and play."
He does NOT like that. I just feel wrong. help please.

Answer 1

He'll be fine. If distracting him is how it's working for now, let it be. Eventually he'll grow out of it. There are bigger things to worry about. Be grateful that this is the worst of your problems, lady.

Answer 2

First is your son upset because your leaving (emotional) or is he upset because he's not he's not getting what he wants (in this case you) which is a tantrum/manipulating. Whether it's the first or the second (which you need to identify for future issues) leaving directly without the distraction is the best. The emotional reasoning is when you come back he will eventually see you've been open, and honest (just leaving), not manipulative(distracting) and he will trust and respect you more. If it's a tantrum/manipulation, you still need to be direct and leave because then he sees that mommy does what she says she's going to do. Another words you follow through. And this is a very important lesson because it teaches him respect toward you and your guidelines.
Good Luck :)
P.S.
The guilty feeling is a testimony to your love for your son. You would not have it if you did not love him. Unfortunately, it doesn't go away, issue after issue you will be having the same feelings of guilt regardless of the decisions you make. Keep telling yourself it's there because you love him.

Answer 3

Awww...It's natural for you to not want to upset your child- and a very loving gesture to think of the distraction technique to avoid the upset.
If you choose to do it the way you are...always point out that mommy was gone and you are SO proud that he didn't cry.
Then, you might want to do very short "leaving" rehearsals. That is, just say your goodbyes- and do your normal leaving routine...and say you will be right back. Leave for three minutes, and come back in saying "here's mommy" just like he does his "there's mommy" routine. Do this as often as you can in a day adding one minute to your "leaving" at a time. He will fuss the first few times...but, by the time you get to ten minutes away- he will be adjusted to it. You may also want to add giving him something to him, such as a stuffed animal or a blanket as "security"...something he only gets when Mommy leaves. Then when you come back in...you can take that back and put it away until the next time you leave (for my daughter it was a large keychain picture of mommy).
This is important because separation anxiety is hard to break when the child gets older (like pre-school and kindergarten ages). It is hard on both the child and the parent. So, "warming" up to it, and "graduating" the duration are a good way to develop an understanding that you will be back and that it is OK to be away from one another. Before long...you will both be comfy with the time apart. Keep in mind...that for toddler's "out of sight means gone for good" so, age appropriate conditioning at the age of two is actually an ideal age and stage to start introducing the absence!

:)

Answer 4

Many young children have seperation anxiety and this is normal. It is better for you to let the child know you are leaving and let the child get upset. They'll get it over it fast and the more you do it, the better it is for the both of you. It is really hard to leave a crying child, been there and done that, but trust me, it works out okay after a few times. Look at your question - you are gone, your child is fine! Don't feel guilty for the distraction, you can transition it to leaving. You'll be fine. It is better than having a spolied child in the long run that cannot accept seperation.

Answer 5

It's normal when he's 15 he'll be glad when you go out to the store. I honestly don't get where your going with this question.... maybe your very young have very little experience with kids. ALL CHILDREN DO THIS when they are toddlers. I worked at a day care with 12-38 month olds Everyday nearly all them cried till MOM left 98% settled very fast after she was gone. Every book on child development has a section on this very topic it's called separation anxiety. They JUST GROW OUT of it usually by 5 sometimes a tad later some sooner. You can help by NOT spending so much time with him so he gets use to you coming and going. In the meantime distractions are fine you need time away. Just telling him i'll be back is fine to. The kid will realize you will come back your doing no harm to him. The yelling crying fit stops soon after your gone!. I've worked with 100's of kids never saw ONE that did not calm down after a while.

Answer 6

I understand exactly what you mean. It was like that at first for me too with my daughter because I was a stay at home mom and later began to go to school and work. At first when she was like 18 mths it was ok to take her to another room but now that she is two I don't have to do that anymore. You son is at an age where he needs to understand that you as his mother sometimes need to go places alone, so you might try telling him "Mommy will be right back, I'm going to the store" he may cry at first but after a while when sees its happening over and over despite his crying he will understand. I hope my advice helps and remember a little crying never hurt anyone.

Answer 7

Here's the thing:
It's okay for your son to see you leave and to cry about it. He'll be learning a valuable life lesson (that things won't always go the way he wants them) and becoming a little more independant (which is something you the parent have to facilitate) all at the same time. Yeah, the guilt sucks and it will be rough the first couple of times, but if you stick to your guns, it won't take long before he just smiles and says, "Bye Mom!!" when you go out the door.
Are you maybe not ready for him to be okay with you leaving? (I'm not being judgemental here, just asking a question...I went through the exact same thing with my 2 year old boy.)
Best luck to you.

Answer 8

It is 100% normal and okay for your son not to want you to leave. Especially since you are a stay at home mom. It is also okay for you to distract him so that you can leave. It doesn't always feel great, but it beats the screaming and crying. I should know. I am a single mom with a 2 1/2 year old (well, I have a boyfriend now, but for all practicle purposes I am a single mom) and leaving my baby with a family member, or even my boyfreind can be heart wrenching. More so when he is screaming then when he is being distracted.

Answer 9

Well, I never had children of my own, so maybe I'm the wrong person to answer your question. Then again, maybe that means I'm capable of giving you a completely detached answer, and in that case, I'm the perfect person to answer your question. After all, I did have a mother, I know that part of the relationship.
Sooner or later, your son will have to develop his own identity and live apart from mommy. Eventually, many years from now, he will have his own job, his own apartment, his own girlfriend/wife, etc... That will come in steps. Right now, he needs to learn to accept mommy can't be there every second of every day (You do need that time alone). I think it's a healthy thing. I see nothing wrong with it. Besides, I'm sure he's having a great time with his dad.
Take good care of yourself. Cheers!

Answer 10

Don't feel guilty. If you continually give in by staying home, you will burn yourself out. You absolutely do need time out away from your son! You are doing everything right by telling him that you'll be back and coming back later. I would not leave without saying good-bye and reassuring him that you'll be back, because without that, there will a problem with trust. He has to learn to separate from you and is learning that. It's also important that he spends some time just with his father. Dads relate to their sons differently than Moms do, and both relationships are equally important. By the time your son goes to school, he'll be a pro at separating from you. You'll miss it when he's a teen and goes out with his friends, the car keys and a few dollars without giving a thought to leaving Mom!
It's important also to have a network of friends that you can spend time with. Equally important is spending time with just your fiancé. Can your son spend some time with his grandparents while you two go out to a movie or to dinner? Most grandparents are pros at babysitting (and spoiling grandchildren!). Your son will probably complain at first, but will learn to separate from both of you.

Answer 11

Naw Dont Feel Bad Your With The Little Guy All Day. Otherwise He Might Grow Up To Be One Of Those Sissy Mommas Boys.