I'm in a very abusive relationship! Please tell me what should I do?
2006-09-28 17:52:10 · 28 answers · asked by ~h0tmAmA1~ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i was in a relationship like that. we controlled eachother. finally we broke it off after 2 years. we got back together after a month thinking things would be different. dont fall into that trap. get away from this person and dont look back. theres nothing more important than your life which is at stake probably, and thats not worth sacrificing for anything. good luck.
2006-09-28 17:56:17 · answer #1 · answered by Candymoonangel 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't you just love all of these people that just say... LEAVE? If it were that simple you wouldn't be asking this question. Anyway, I was married to an abusive man. It progressively got worse. I knew years before I left that I should leave but it was very difficult and I was afraid. When you're with an abusive man they generally don't take it very lightly when you pack your bags and say bye, bye. It does take courage and a plan. My exhusband was verbally and physically abusive. But, I never called the police because he either stopped me or I became too afraid. Honestly, I wish I had made at least one report about him. It would have made the transition easier. I would have been able to get an Order of Protection against him more easily. In my case I had to wait until there was proof that he was following me around and harrassing me. I know it's hard but if you haven't already ... I think you should report him. Then while he is in jail. (It could be a very short time.) I would pack my things and stay with a relative or friend. If you don't have those options like I didn't then you can go to a shelter. They will help you get back on your feet and keep you safer than you would be if you were at a relative's home. What's also good about shelters is the fact that they understand. You don't have to waist your drained energy trying to explain yourself. It is not your fault and they know that! The idea of going to a shelter is not a pleasant thought. Lord knows I didn't want to go but sometimes we need to do things we are not proud of to get to a place in our lives that we CAN be proud of. Good luck with your situation and God bless! I'll be praying for you!
2006-09-28 18:10:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
emotional, verbal, physical.... its all the same....
if abusive and relationship are in your vocabulary anywhere near each other then get the fk out right now.... otherwise you never will...
the hard part is, how... if you care about this person... then obviously at this point you have come to the realization that there is a problem. the majority of people who seek help for being abusive can not be helped and will always be abusive. so your relationship is for all intents and purposes... over.
if you need to, find a shelter, call a friend or family member.... call the police and report it. restraining order. custody suit if necessary.... take pictures if there is physical abuse. and if it gets to it... lawsuits....
sorry honey, but if your hurtin.... then stop and do something about it
2006-09-28 17:57:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If any of the following describe your relationship; then you need help out of it. Immediatly
One has decreasing self-esteem since entering this relationship.
The interests, values, desires of one person dominate the relationship.
One is using name-calling, threats, intimidation, insults, manipulation, physical or sexual abuse to force the other one to do things.
One or both are becoming more secretive and isolated from family, friends, and social activities, etc.
One feels entitled to be in control, decide how things will be, get his or her own way all the time, wants the other to agree and comply.
Abuser often says, "I am sorry, it will never happen again" but then is abusive again.
One person feels more afraid, is hurt physically or emotionally, adjusts behavior to accommodate the other, is "walking on eggshells" not to upset the other. The other may be monitoring or stalking to know every move.
One is afraid to break-up, the other "won't let" partner leave.
Please
Please
please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org/
I am not trying to scare you, but if you don't think about tomorrow and get out, How will you know if you will ever have a tomorro??? Many abusers kill their victums by accident, they don't have to intend to take you like. It can just happen. He can be stopped. The question is are you willing to stop him?
If you don't have children, you need to leave before you bring them into this mess. If you do, no matter if he tends to be a good parent or not. 9 times out of 10 he will turn on them to. It's just a matter of time.
Saying your sorry means never having to repeat it over and over for the same reason. That's not sorry hun.
2006-09-28 18:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by rebecwi3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's difficult, but it'll only get worse. Leave now. Go to people who love you and will help you through this. Friends and family. And protect yourself. Most abusive people don't take rejection well. It's so hard to leave, I know, but once you do it, you'll feel as if a big weight has been lifted off your shoulder and leaving an abusive relationship can really change you into a better, wiser person. You deserve more than to be abused. No one deserves that. You deserve love, sensitivity, and more importantly respect. There are people out there wanting to love you and wouldn't dream of treating you this way. But you have to leave. Trust me, it'll only get worse the more you put with it. And the abuser has to want to change him/herself. You can't change them. Don't try. Just leave. You deserve better.
2006-09-28 17:57:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all let me tell you, LEAVE!! Your not helping anyone, the kids, you, or your husband/boyfriend. No one is going to get any sort of lesson out of this and no one is going to get any better. Once an abuser, always an abuser. Trust me, I used to be in one. If you have to leave in the dead of night do it. Don't go somewhere where he could easily drag you back either. Seek help from strangers if you must, but DON'T GO BACK ONCE YOUR OUT!!!! That's the mistake women like us make. We go back because he/she tells us it was a mistake or that it won't ever happen again. IT'S A LIE!!!!!!! I hope you find the strength from within to get you going and never turning back. Good Luck and God Bless. Sara.
2006-09-28 18:02:13 · answer #6 · answered by * Wishfulthinker * 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pack your things discretely and make a run for it to a shelter. Talk to the police about what has happened, get a restraining order (etc), then seek professional counseling.
It's absolutely nowhere near that easy, but these are the steps you have to take to get away from the abuse. I suggest you speak to a family member or close friend about it and ask for their help. You are going to need all the support you can get. Take care.
2006-09-28 17:57:09 · answer #7 · answered by Bessie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, when there are children involved, we just take it and sacrifice our lives for the children. If there are no children then, in some cases, we truly care about the person and hope that he or she will change. Finally, no one should be in an abusive relationship. We are given one life and we owe it to ourselves to life it to it's fullest - by being happy, just to wake up and see a brand new day, every single morning, without fear of what that day would bring.
My advice to you - do not let it prolong one minute more - get out and live for yourself. There are so many social services out there, get help from one of them, if you need to - but do something about it, don't just stay in it and feel that you deserve it - YOU DON'T.
2006-09-28 18:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by aew2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should leave him to begin with depending on the type of abuse you should go down to the court house and put an injuction on him then even if you just see him crossing your line of sight call the cops and report it and always for a long while have a witness around other than family if possible that way if he does cross your line of sight or call you or any thing to you at all you cAN REPORT IT he will go to jail but please dont stay in an abussive relationship please hun ive been there and those are the steps i took and it was a woman abuseing me
2006-09-28 18:00:33 · answer #9 · answered by DIrtycircus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when your abuser leaves for work, pack what you can take with you, and leave and do not look back. ask a trusted friend, family to take you in or call a women's shelter and ask for help. do not contact this abuser, and start over. i know this is hard and you will survive this and have a good and safe life............once a abuser always a abuser, they will not change even if they promise, they lie lie lie
2006-09-28 19:00:44 · answer #10 · answered by churchonthewayseniors 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave. For your safety, and for maybe offspring?
If you must, leave in the middle of the night. Pack your things before you go to work/school, and don't go back. Go to a relatives, a friends. Anywhere, where he cannot hurt you. And then you file a restraining order. So if you ever does try to come after you, off to jail he goes.
It'll hurt, cause you love him. But you'll regret it if you don't get out now! Do it for your future happiness!
2006-09-28 17:58:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋