We've been together for 8 years and during that time, she's gained 50 pounds. I still think she's just as sexy as when we 1st met, but she's all depressed about her weight. Should I do or say something? Everytime she brings it up, I tell her that she's still hot to me, and she gets all mad and says that's not helping!
2006-09-28 17:24:23 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
aww. that's good for you... you can't really win in this situation, because either that's "not helping" or she will feel like you are criticizing her and calling her fat.
you can't win. But you can tell her that no matter how much weight she gains you will always love her because it isn't about looks.
2006-09-28 17:27:31 · answer #1 · answered by lil_troublemaker1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sign her and yourself up for salsa dancing classes, and tango, too. It is fun and romantic way to exercise, as well as a physical expression of a true partnership.
Granted, 50 pounds is quite a lot, but it could be fun to work it off together. You could also sign up for rackettball at a fitness center. And instead of sitting around watching tv while enjoying each other's company, you can have fun and engage each other in an activity that is physical and works you out.
Make it about you. Don't criticize her or comment on her weight. I am sure she is well aware. But if you want to hang with her where she might get a workout, I am sure she will go along with it.
Keep treating her like your #1 choice, and maintaining that she is hot to you. Just let her know how much you want her when she is sweaty and smelly. That is when the phermones are most prevailent. And make her feel like a woman when you get back from the fitness center. Make love to her like you mean it.
Do that and she will start to get into it, and the pounds will melt away, by accdent. You will notice a change in how sexy she feels when she puts in some effort and starts to lose weight.
Do this four times a week and you will start to see restult in about 4-5 weeks. This will be fun for you both.
2006-09-28 18:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's best if she has gained 50 pounds that she does something about it. The older people get, the easier it is to gain weight so I really think you need to help her watch her calorie intake. If she weighs 150 lbs, she should be eating no more than 1500 calories a day to stay the same weight and less calories, along with exercise to lose. Considering the normal hamburger from McDonalds has about 450 calories, it isn't hard to pack on weight. Me and my husband started counting calories and trying to eat healthier with more fruit and veggies. It is a very touchy subject though, I would be careful. One thing you might do is surprise her with a membership for a few months at the local gym...one for you and one for her. If she is serious about losing weight, she will be very greatful! Good luck.
2006-09-28 17:36:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're losing your muscle tone, dude. I can see it from your avatar. Soon you'll be a mere wisp of a man. Sounds like you need the extra encouragement that only a loved one can give. And don't get depressed or defensive about it, either. I know you can do it with her help.
Maybe she can help by going on a hike and picnic with you every weekend before the weather gets miserable.
It's really gotta be an "us" thing. Your health should be important to you and her both. Maybe if you just have her walk you around the block and supervise you while you jog, that would be be good discipline for you both.
After all, you are in a relationship, and you obviously love each other. Letting yourself get out-of-shape is not good for either of you.
One of the best cures for depression is, incidentally, frequent exercise and the good health it ensures... Don't let her get defensive about her weight. Let her get concerned about you. It sounds like she's a great gal and that you love her a lot. That's gives you both a winner's edge.
Good luck...
And remember. You're a man. You're scheduled to die first. Get healthy and let it rub off on the people around you...
2006-09-28 17:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by Boomer Wisdom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is really sweet of you, but girls have their own mind frame about things. i've gained 30 pounds in the 3 years me and my hubby have been married. he says the same thing "you're still sexy to me" but i know i need to lose weight. i went from 100 to 130. not too fat to some people, but i feel huge compared to how skinny i used to be.
maybe she wants to know you think she's still hot, but at the same time she might want to know you will be honest with her.
tell her that she is sexy to you, but if she feels she needs to lose some weight then you support her decision. that way you aren't saying she is fat....you are letting her say it.
you can also try telling her if she would like that you will go to the gym with her because you could stand to lose a couple pounds and build some muscle too. then you are calling yourself fat, and not her.
beat around the bush and be nice, but just don't call her fat!
2006-09-28 17:32:45 · answer #5 · answered by sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wish most guys were like you. It's admirable that at 8 years, you're still attracted to her as you were before. But still, 50 lbs. is a lot to ignore. Keep on assuring her that you still find her very much attractive, but also encourage her to lose some weight enough to stay healthy. Why not exercise together?
2006-09-28 17:26:50 · answer #6 · answered by TY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep doing what your doing. My boyfriend tells me that everytime I say I getting fat and I react the same way. But, sometimes it does make me feel better to know that he do not really care how much weight I gain.
2006-09-28 17:29:01 · answer #7 · answered by Mia W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's awesome that you love her so much you don't even notice. Next time she brings up her fatness tell her just that. Tell her you don't notice at all. That might make her feel better. Or it might be best to not say anything. I've gained about 15 lbs since I started dating my bf and I feel awful about myself. I know her pain.
2006-09-28 17:26:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you don't want to hear her tearing herself down as tearing herself down in front of you makes her unsexy. If she gets pissed, so be it. Tell her to get over herself and give her some space. Let her call and apologize. It just could be that time of the month. You've been together eight years, I'm sure you're not the same looking after all that time.
2006-09-28 17:27:37 · answer #9 · answered by scarlettboca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's so sweet that you love her so much that you didn't notice! But I would feel horrible if I were her. Tell her she looks beautiful as she is.... but also let her know if she is feeling so badly and wants to lose weight, you would go to the gym with her or go for a walk with her every evening.
2006-09-28 17:38:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋