Moms please help...why does my mom get mad over things so petty?

Question

My mom...she's a hard lady to describe..she's beautiful, but she can't seem to get a good man. She's full of rage and hatrid, and she has a knack for taking it out on me. We're attending counciling, and she's promising to change over and over again, she just never seems to get there. She gets mad over the stupidest things too...one time I got grounded for a week for not cycling the laundry..another time she got a bra that was a size too small, and bitched at me cause she thought I just didn't like it. After the bra incident, she pushed me onto my bed, where she continually yelled at me, saying things like no one loves me but her, and when she got pregnant with me everyone told her to get an abortion, things that just hurt a lot. She finally ended it with get out.

I just don't get why she gets worked up over things so stupid, and she doesn't do drugs or drink or anything, I mean, she's a governmental therapist..they have bimonthly drug tests..I just don't get what her problem is!?

Answer 1

First of all know this, none of this is your fault.
I would suggest some family councelling, but I see you've already been there & done that. So it makes me wonder if your mother is truly committed to making a change for the better. We can go for all of the councelling in the world, but unless we are plugged in to the programme, we can't expect positive results.
Your mom may have to dig deeper to find out what is going on with her & why she can't control her rage. It could be something physically wrong with her, & if that's the case then she can't help herself at all until she identifies it.
A series of tests should be able to determine if there is anything to my therory.
I am so sorry that you've had to endure this kind of treatment from your own mother. That just isn't right. There has to be another adult in your life that you trust that you can turn to for help. If your mom is getting physical with you (pushing onto the bed) then the abuse may escalate if there isn't an intervention of some kind.
You are still attending councelling, so don't hold anything back at these sessions. If you are still afraid to open up in your moms presence at these sessions, then ask for a session with the councellor on your own. You owe it to yourself to share this same question with your councellor one way or another.
You can call the councellors office yourself & tell the councellor what's going on if you haven't already.
Take care of yourself!

Answer 2

You know some people are just very high stressed people. I happen to be one of them too. I'm not excusing the way she treats you believe me I've done some pretty stupid things too, but maybe she can't help it. I know I try but sometimes if things get so piled on top of each other it is the only way of venting. She doesn't mean all those hateful things she says to you, she is venting and you are the only one around for her to vent on. If someone else were there they would be the ones she took it out on. I think it has to do with not being able to let things go. You said she had a high stressed job, that probably has a lot to do with the way she is. I hope for both your sake that she gets the help she needs and you both can have a healthy relationship. Good Luck and hang in there.

Answer 3

It sounds like your Mom has been trying (but not too successfully) to raise you alone by herself, I, too, have done the same thing, but I had three children (I certainly hope I didn't take things out on them) and believe me it wasn't an easy task. I didn't make the money for us to have all the necesities, but I did what I could with what I had. I was brought up in a house hold where no one EVER said "I love you", so I decided a long time ago that my children would always hear those three words from me. Any way I think your Mom is really stressed out trying to do what is best for you and she just doesn't seem to know how to express her wishes, thoughts or what ever you want to call them, I think she means well. Then again, it could be the way she was brought up, not knowing her I really can't say. I'm at a loss for words. One thing I will say is that I hope that you will think about your situation when you are grown and about to have your first child, so that you will not pass this kind of behaviour on to your children, but usually a child in your situation will be a much better parent because of it, they don't want their children to grow up as they did without a parent.

Good Luck,
I hope your Mom snaps out of this behavior.

Answer 4

She is the one with the problem, not you.
She is therapist but it does not mean she is healthy (emotionally and mentally). She got serious issues about anger.
I think she needs a therapy for herself to handle anger and stress. Tell her that it is not enough promising to change, you need actions and ask her...almost beg her to see a psychiatrist. I know sounds biggie but a pyschiatrist or a therapist is needed in this case. As a therapist she must have her own therapist for she can handle her job and separate her job from her personal life.
Don't mind about her remarks on abortion, she told them in an anger moment. If she knew it hurt you so much I bet she wouldn't of told it. She loves you despite her bad temper. Be patient with her, show her you love her and ignore her bad remarks because she does not know what she is doing.

Answer 5

Sweet - I am 33 years old and no longer speak with my mother at all. She was very verbally, emotionally and at times physically abusive. She hasn't hit (or choked, or kicked) me since I've been an adult, but she's never stopped being bitter, hateful and controlling. I wish you the very best with your mom. Do try and talk to her, tell her how her behavior makes you feel. Do NOT allow her to continue having that behavior without standing up for yourself. I have said many times to my mom - Mom, you are not allowed to speak to me that way. Some people are just ****** up - and no matter what you wish, what you do or who you try to be.. it won't change them. Only they can change themselves. And try to be ok with the fact that your mom is merely a person too. Family is many times what you make it. I don't feel anymore bonded to my mother because I share her DNA. She's still out of her mind and harmful regardless of that fact. Try and work it out - but don't stick it out if you keep getting the same results everytime.

Answer 6

Have you ever sat down and asked her why she felt this way. Have you ever just tried to hug her and tell her you love her. Maybe your Mother needs your support and love right now. Life is stressful and trying to raise a child by herself may just be getting to her. Try to think of it this way ..she may not have anyone she can cry too. and she doesn't know how to let out this disappointment in her life (NOT YOU BUT the STRESS). I'm sure she doesn't mean the things she says .. there has to be something that is hurting her inside and she needs to strike out to relieve this pain. The littlest things could trigger this...like you said. I know because I have lived through this. It's good that you are in counseling but it may just be something your mother doesn't understand or want to talk about with a stranger.

Answer 7

hey, listen, you are here for a reason. i know it hurts what your mom tells you, but know in your heart that we all have a right to be here and are each a blessing to someone and or eachother.

i don't know your mom, but she sounds angry and might be very sad under all of that. she needs emotionaly help and therapy.

tell her how you feel and stand up for yourself. decide together to make changes and limits to what she says to you and don't let her step over the limit.

i am sorry for you and i hope you won't believe the bad stuff she is throwing on you because, it is her problem and anger and it is not you.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need some Child Protection Services for emotional abuse. My mom was the same way mostly and she died with me still wondering what was wrong with her. Maybe it is menapause. As far as her being a therapist it sounds liek she needs to resolve her issues before she can help other people. If you dont get this resolved you will regret it when you get older, trust me on that one, I am living proof.

Answer 9

I think she got too much pressure. Don't worry so much, she didn't mean so too, she will understand. All you can do is just stand by her whenever she need you.