I accidently put this question in wrong parenting area (oops). Catagory nazis here went off. Reposting 4 input

Question

U decide to do activity requested by 10 year old. She orders U around and is demanding so, R you OK to stop the activity? She asks to cut & cook French fries. U say OK, if U do Ur homework & follow instructions when we cook. Right after we start she’s saying “NO. That’s not how my brother does it.” Or “I don’t like that.” She’s always eaten my fries. She has a 22 yr old brother that U TAUGHT how to fry an egg b/c he didn't know how to cook (these R all immigrant step children of my husband). U say "This is how I do it, please get the skillet” Her: "NO! I don't want that pan. My brother never uses it!" U:” OK Since you chose not to listen to me just leave the kitchen. This is canceled.” She gives U a sad look. Were U unfair to an ungrateful, spoiled brat or were U an ogre to a normal, eager 10 yr old?

Answer 1

If she were a younger child I'd say you'd have to have more patience with her. But she is 10 and that kind of behavior is just no acceptable from a 10 year old. I think you did the right thing by canceling. She was testing you. The sad look was her way of trying to manipulate you. The second she started bossing me around I'd tell her to forget it.

Answer 2

Personally, I don't think that you were an ogre. But her wanting to do things the way her brother does things, is quite normal for somebody of her age.

Despite being 10 years old, I'm sure she understands a great deal.

Maybe sitting her down and explaining to her, that different people have different methods of doing things. Also, that it's good for her to learn how to do the same things, several ways, so that she can choose what works best for her.

She probably thinks that how you do it, is wrong, 'cause her brother does it this and that way. Explain to her, that neither way IS wrong, only that it's different. And that different is okay.

Setting the "you must listen to me, or you won't get to do what you wish to do" barrier, I think, is crucial. But be sure to explain why she should listen to you. To adults, it's obvious. But not so obvious to kids. Explain to her the dangers involved, of using tools, and being in the kitchen, near the stove, etc. This will enable her to see, that it's not about authority, but that you care about her safety and well-being.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Hun,you did not do anything wrong.You are showing her that it is wrong to act out.That is something she needs to be taught,and she will use in everyday life.Once she gets older she will realise what you were doing was for her own good.You stated before,that if she followed instructions,she didnt do that so the activity needs to be stopped.If you allow her to get away with it,she is going to believe that everytime you choose to do something with her such as cook something,that if she throws a tantrum she will get her way.She needs to know why the activity was stopped tho,simply go to her and explain to her in terms she will understand.Tell her that when you say something,it is for her own good.You did not stop the activity because you do not care for her,but because she was acting in appropriate after you stated she needed to follow directions.Besides that,cooking is dangerous and if she doesnt follow directions should get burned or hurt badly.She may be upset for a few minutes,but she will forget about it by tomorrow.Many children today,are missing that discipline that is needed.You did the correct thing.Good luck.

Answer 4

Tell her fine I AM NOT your brother! This is how I do it and if you want to do it then we WILL do it MY way or NO way. She can always choose to wait for her brother to come over and they can do it HIS way whe he is there.
UM unfair to brat? NO you gave her exactly what was fair
Ogre to normal, eager 10 yr old? NO you responded appropriately for the situation.
Mad at you? Oh yeah but maybe next time she wants to do something with you it will be easier cause she will already know that when you say we do it my way or no way, you will stand by that.

Answer 5

#1 children need to learn boundries.

#2. If she is not accepting of different ways to do things, she's going to have a very hard time in any country.

#3 If she doesn't learn manners she'll get nowhere. Seriously. Teach her how to act, and react appropriately.

Let her know, nicely, that you didn't appreciate how she treated you, and if she would like to help you in the kitchen again you would be more than welcome to have her there.

On the condition that she follow the rules. YOUR rules. Because it's your house.

Answer 6

You tell her "Look, this is how it goes, you don't like it, please leave my kitchen." And when those yummy warm salty fries are done, don't you dare let her eat one! You do it all wrong, they must taste horrible! This will teach her that people may do things differntly and that's ok, cause you get the samt thing in the end and that it doesn't have to be her way to be the right way.

Answer 7

No, I don't think you were being unreasonable. When preparing/cooking in the kitchen, safety is your primary concern. Although I'm not sure what being an immigrant child has to do with parenting...

Answer 8

Normal 10 year old, you are a step-parent she feels threatened by you, you should all seek counseling so you better know how to handle these situations

Answer 9

She's 10 ad your the boss, I think you can let her know that without being an ogre.

Answer 10

She's 10 years old, stop letting you dictate the terms. Let her know the rules, and tell her you expect her to abide by them. If you don't agree, let her run your life and don't complain..