I am having difficulties with my ten year old son. Please help?

Question

I have a little boy who has emotional problems. He has been ill for quite a while, He is hurt over his father walking out when he was only a few months old and never getting to know him. He has never seen him. He is hurt because the only man he knew as "dad" walked out on us after 6 years. As soon as "dad" and I had a baby, "dad" stopped paying attention to my son and only gives the attention to his daughter. I have had to quit my job because of my sons illness and now work out of my home doing daycare for the past 9 years. I have came close to losing my house because of the financial problems of all of the above. I have taken my son to therapists and am having no luck, I feel like my son is spiraling downwards and don't know what to do to help him. Instead of allowing me to help him, he acts out towards me. Any advice? I can go into more details with personal emails. I can't live like this anymore and do not want him to go to a foster home. I can't stand the heartache anymor

Answer 1

Oh my goodness, you need help right away. Not just for your son, but for you too. You need to make a fresh start. I understand why you are so worried. And I am sure you are exhausted too. If you have little family support, please go to a therapist yourself. Make a plan to deal with situation. There are specialists in child psychology. If you have been going to the regular kind of therapists, you need a person trained in this field. Have a doctor (MD) give you a referral. Tell them it is a crisis and you fear for your son's well being. You need to get some action on this as soon as you can before your own health implodes.

Answer 2

I really think you need to see a psychiatrist. (not a psychologist)

First, your son cannot have emotional problems brought on by his father walking out on him when he was a few months old. My son's biological father walked out on him when he was 2, and has absolutely no recollection of that man at all.

He could however have emotional problems separate from that incident, or emotional problems resulting from how you have been dealing with that incident for the last 10 years. Since you seem to blame "dad" for this problem, I am drawn to the latter.

I could go into all the issues blaming "dad" can do to your son, but there is nothing I can do about it from here. However being his father's son, when you blame "dad" for something, your son will transfer that evil to himself (remember the commercial: Like Father Like Son, think about it). This makes you an adversary rather than the friend/mother he needs and he acts out against you. You need to seek professional help for yourself as well as him. Get into a place where "dad" was a problem of a long time ago and you will be able to deal with the problems you face today.

Answer 3

If your son is having emotional problems you should consult with the school guidance counselor to see what options he or she can suggest, I am sure you will not be the first to ask for assistance. They should be able to point you in the right direction, or at least advise you on how to find help for your son. Secondly in my opinion, you should get out of the house and take a full time job again, you can not loose your house over this or that will damage the child further, not to mention how it will effect you. Also the added bonus in that, is that if your son is acting out towards you, you will not be available for abuse 24 hours a day, and perhaps he needs some space, as well as I am sure you do.

Answer 4

There is always the BigBrothers and BigSisters of America program. I have been a part of it for about 2 and half years now and i love it. I played BB to 2 twins my first year before they moved away and there was a similarity to your problem with your son and the boys I was with.

From what I was told, by them and there mother, the boys kept to eachother before I came into there lives. They just needed someone in there lives to fill that void of a male role model in there life. The best advice I can offer you is BB/BS.

I hope I could be of help to you.

Answer 5

Try Love & Logic Parenting... it saved my sanity and my childrens' futures I believe. One of my children had a serious anger control problem at a very early age (injured his brother, hit me, you name it...) and at my wits end, I tried Love & Logic - He's graduating with honors this year and he's a very responsible young man. He has been accepted to any UC in the state that he chooses to attend based on his grades, extra curricular activities and civic contributions. It never would have happened without the parenting techniques we learned when he was 5. He hasn't lashed out ot lost his temper in years. The web link is listed below. See if you can find an instructor near you as one on one instruction is best and you will have a mentor to go to for advice as well.

Good luck... feel free to email with any questions.

PS: I would start with the "Helicopters, Drill Sergeants, and Consultants" tape or CD - it's the best! And funny, too, so it's fun to listen to.

Answer 6

Wow, you poor thing. I have 4 boys- 2 of their fathers left when they were very little. My sons have had some emotional problems- though not aggressive behavior we have had much attention seeking and sad and hurt behaviors. I'd be happy to chat if you want to send an email. I'll give you any ideas I can come up with. therealprinsess@yahoo

Answer 7

I feel for you. I had the same problem with my daughter when she was younger from 9 to 16 years old.

They said she was ADHD went to a therapist and they put her on pills that didn't help .
Took her to anger management classes that did not help.

It was llike world war 3 at our house. She would yell, act like she wanted to hit me and my girl friend, And say I am going to live with my mom, when ever she wouldnt get things to go her way .

The more we tried to help the worst she got.
I finely got tired of way she was treating me and my girl friend, so kicked her out of my home so she had to go live with her mom.
I love my daughter and would do anything for her even if its tuff.

I really think that she was missing her mom and was taking out on the ones she loved.

Once she moved in with her mom she turned out to be fine,

We get along great when she comes over. Shes a perfect angel. Shes 18 now.

Forget about the pills, therapy, People will hate me for saying this, but they wont work and its a waste of money.

Forget about Dad.

Never talk down your sons Dad or talk about your problems or financial problems in front of your son, It will just add to his problems.

I know it will be hard but only talk about the good things when it comes to his dad or don't say anything at all.

Instead of thinking of your son as ill , think of him as being bored.

Boys like to be busy and have fun.

Try getting him into Cub or Boy Scouts, baseball, soccer, football, BMX racing, Karate find something he likes and that he is good at.

He will make friends and feel good about himshelf and it will give you a nice break.

If you do not have much money Boy Scouts is a good way to go. dues are cheap, some have meeting once a week.

Keep trying until you find one that works.

Also try to have some alone time with your son even if it a trip to the park, bike ride, etc.

Your son maybe feeling that hes not getting enought attention from you due to your daycare you run out of your home.

But he knows if he acts up he will get all your attention,

Keep him busy having fun. Good Luck hope this helps.

Answer 8

You make it abundantly clear that you're not clear on whether "dad" as you put it, really is his Dad or not, how might that have affected you if your father had been in the position paint your "mom" in such a light. My father did the same to my younger brother when our younger sister came along largely because my mother made certain that my brother could have no respect for his father, when he pined for love Dad would spend all his time w. his younger sister who she couldn't poison against him for some (probably natural) reason.

Answer 9

Be sure you don't complain about the lack of the "dad" in your life. Seek opportunities to be express thanks for the home you do have and the close relationship with your son. Find other male figures for your son.

He is angry. The only way you can reach his heart is by showing him love and acceptance with boundaries.

Answer 10

i would call the grils and boys town hotline it is a 24 hour number for parents and kids who are having any kind of trouble. they can help you with any problem you might have. and tell you how to help your son. you wont find the help you need online, i found that out a long time ago when i had problems with my brother.