I met this guy a little over a month ago and he is just playing games with me and I am not sure why. But all of my friends are saying I need to try to play games right back with him to see where it goes. I am just getting out of a long term relationship and I just have no clue on how to do this whole dating thing anymore. if you can give me any advice it would be greatly appreciated. Just so you know we are both over 30.
2006-09-28 13:29:32 · 15 answers · asked by hawkespatricia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We had started to date, but I guess i came on a wee too strong when we were getting a little close, I told him I needed a cold shower. Within 2 days he backed off. I guess he thought it was all about sex, atleast that is what he told a mutual friend. Then we decided to be just friends. 2 weeks ago he asked if we could still dance. I told him I didn't know. But after catching him all night staring at me watching my every move, I went and told him I would. Then last night, My friend asked him why he hadn't asked me to dance and he said we were just friends. What the hell do the rules change that quickly? I don't remember them ever doing that before.
2006-09-28 13:52:24 · update #1
YOU DON'T. YOU MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T PLAY GAMES WITH YOU.
YOU MOVE ON AND FIND SOMEONE WHO HAS ENOUGH STRENGTH, INTEGRITY, AND COURAGE TO BE UPFRONT WITH YOU.
GAME PLAYING INDICATES IMMATURITY, INSECURITY, CONTROL ISSUES, AND LACK OF RESPECT FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
THIS GUY ISNT WORTH YOUR TIME. MAYBE IT FEELS GOOD TO HAVE SOMEONE'S ATTENTION WHILE YOU ARE ON THE REBOUND, BUT YOU'RE NOT SEEING THINGS CLEARLY. YOUR FRIENDS MEAN WELL, BUT THEY CAN EASILY SAY THAT BECAUSE IT'S NOT THEIR LIFE.
HE IS A MANIPULATIVE JERK. HE PREYS ON VULNERABLE WOMEN. YOU ARE RECOVERING FROM THE SHOCK OF LEAVING A LONG TERM LOVE. YOU ARE HIS TARGET, AND HE IS HOPING YOU ARE NOT SMART ENOUGH TO SEE THROUGH HIS BEHAVIOR.
YOU NEED TIME ALONE TO DISCOVER WHAT YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP TAUGHT YOU. YOU NEED TIME TO FORGIVE YOUR EX FOR NOT BEING THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU TO BE WITH. YOU NEED TIME TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR NOT BEING RIGHT FOR HIM TO BE WITH.
YOU NEED TIME TO BE ABLE TO THANK HIM FOR TEACHING YOU MORE ABOUT YOURSELF. HE TAUGHT YOU MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT/ NT ACCEPT FROM SOMEONE, AND WHAT YOU ARE WILLING TO GIVE SOMEONE.
YOU NEED TIME TO LET GO AND DROP OFF YOUR BAGGAGE. BAGGAGE CONTAMINATES FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. ALWAYS. BAGGAGE ACTS LIKE A 'FILTER' IN WHICH YOU SEE THE WORLD. IT DISTORTS YOUR REALITY. THAT'S PROBABLY YOU HAVE NOT DUMPED THIS CREEP YET.
GUYS LIKE THIS LOOK FOR WOMEN WITH BAGGAGE. THEY'RE LIKE "HERE, I'LL CARRY THAT FOR YOU" AND THEN THEY BEGIN TO REGULATE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU, ONCE YOU START TO DEPEND ON THEM.
SPEND SOME TIME ON YOUR OWN AND GET TO KNOW YOURSELF AGAIN. DO THINGS TO BETTERYOUR LIFE NOW THAT YOU'RE SINGLE AGAIN. MASTER SOME SKILLS AND TALENTS. LEARN SOME NEW THINGS. GET GOOD AT SOMETHING. THAT WILL BUILD YOU UP. JOIN A FITNESS CENTER AND TAKE KICKBOXING CLASSES....
DON'T DATE EXCLUSIVELY FOR A WHILE. DATE MANY GUYS AND SEE HOW THEY TREAT YOU. WATCH OUT FOR THOSE WHO TRY TO CONVINCE YOU (THEY DO NOT RESPECT YOU) AND THOSE WHO TRY TO INFLUENCE YOU (THEY ARE TRYING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU).
BEFORE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BECOME EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ANYONE, YOU SHOULD DO SOME HOMEWORK. YAHOO HAS LINKS IN THE RELATIONSHIPS SECTION LIKE 'TANGO' AND OTHER SITES THAT DISCUSS RELTIONSHIPS. YOU MIGHT FIND THEM INTERESTING AND I KNOW YOU WILL RELATE TO SOME THINGS ON THERE. WWW.MENSHEALTH,COM AND WWW.DRPHIL.COM ALSO HAVE SOM EINTERESTING AND USEFUL INFORMATION YOU WOULD BE WISE TO LEARN ABOUT.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!
2006-09-28 14:19:53 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Guys Who Play Mind Games
2016-12-29 19:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by kersten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men speak a different language then woman. While it would be wonderful if men were blunt with us the way they are with each other, they feel they can't come out and say whats on their mind, hence the mind games come into play. This is how is begins. First he looks at you constantly Second he makes little flirtatious jokes Then he touches you in subtle ways Finally he makes bigger moves or pulls back totally. Men are really confusing, but believe me we would not like them so much if they weren't. I wish a guy would come out and say, hey you are hot lets just do it. Guys....we want you to be more direct!!!!!!
2016-03-18 02:31:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
who started the games? you came on too strong then told him you needed to take a cold shower. you decide to be friends but then can't say if you can still dance. what friends don't dance where you live? looks as if the roles have reversed with him thinking that your only attraction to him was the sex. you just got out of a long term relationship. what was he doing before he meet you? if he is 30 he must have had a problem with his last companion. you were sending mixed signals and got some back.
you have to decide do you want to pursue this or not. looks like he tried to get it started again. if you just want to be friends and he thinks he can deal with just being your friend that is a happy ending. if either can't be just friends then someone has to avoid the places where you are meeting. talk to him again and tell him how you FEEL and ask him how he FEELS about the relationship. if nothing else at least you can agree to part ways.
2006-09-28 14:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by handyman5218 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I imagine that most guys that age are beyond the stage of deriving enjoyment from playing mind games. They are way too much into themselves and their own established way of doing things, and playing mind games takes effort and detracts from other more important matters. Chances are he is in his own world and there is no intentionality towards you behind his behavior. Be careful you aren't simply superimposing the stories, games and antics of prior relationships onto this one. In other words, are you sure the mind games aren't in your own head?
If I am wrong and he is messing with you, take heart knowing that playing mind games on someone takes a lot more effort than indifference. At least he cares enough to take the time and effort to mess with your head. Remember the opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference.
2006-09-28 13:42:23 · answer #5 · answered by Didgeridude 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is how I see it. If I care about a woman I do not play mind games as he is doing it. You first have to say do I want better for myself? I am sure you want better for yourself. You do not need to be treated like you are less of a person. As for playing mind games back, why sink to someone low level, think of yourself as better than that and better suggestion is be rid of this guy and move on and spend sometime alone re-evalutating yourself and needs and wants.
2006-09-28 13:36:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
For me, games are not an option. If the guy plays games he can play them right out the door. Not worth my time to be with someone like that.
2006-09-28 13:34:03 · answer #7 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dating shouldn't be difficult. If you feel pressured or manipulated, this isn't for you! One should feel excited to engage in activities with a date or companion. You shouldn't feel "taxed" or uncomfortable. Both participants should be supportive of eachother. If you feel like you are not on the same team, chances are...you're not! Find someone who really likes you. Quit this guy...you'll be thanking me in the morning. :)
Have a nice month!
2006-09-28 13:38:06 · answer #8 · answered by navigate100 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why do YOU feel you need to play his head games? Is a relationship more important then who you are as a person to allow yourself do be "ABUSED" and it is abuse do not fool yourself. If he does not respect you now he never will and the abuse could get a whole lot worse.
2006-09-28 13:39:26 · answer #9 · answered by gene 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
30 or not, dating is always the same. Just try to create mystery. Dont be too available, too be too eager to answer when he calls, and simply dont be too desperate to know him better. But if it all drives you crazy, tell him point blank you dont have time for his mind games since you are looking for a mature and secure person.
2006-09-28 13:32:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋